I used to work in a new age shop that sold rock salt lamps. A woman came in one time to complain about the lamp she bought.
Woman: My salt lamp was dusty and dirty.
Me: Okay...
W: So I took the rock salt off the base.
Me: Hmm?
W: And I washed it with hot soapy water.
Me: Ah.
W: And it just dissolved!
Me: Yep, it's salt.
W: I want a refund.
Me: laughs.
This has me wondering if art supply stores have people coming in complaining that their pencil ran out of lead when they were in the middle of drawing.
Yes, I have seen that first hand. Crayons too.
my ass is installing linux on the first machine capable of having linux installed on it.
You are not safe, there is nothing you can do to stop me.
Your tinder date brings you into their home. While they are having a shower, you grab their laptop to install Linux mint cinnamon on it, but the Ventoy ISO wont boot. The track pad is greasy and crusted up with yellow stuff. Screen hinge is cracked. You boot it up to get your bearings. Windows XP, service pack 1. No password. 1 GB RAM. 32 bit CPU. Super PC clean is running. Blatant malware. No antivirus in sight. Internet Explorer 6 lumbers to the foreground. Fifteen spyware toolbars visible. Popups start flooding the screen. You look at the desktop, its littered with zip files with random file names. The mouse cursor is a pirate with a wooden leg. The CPU fan loudens to an alarming volume even though there's no programs running that you can see.
Do you:
-
Continue and try to install a 32 bit version of linux
-
leave silently, unmatch them on tinder, and block their number
-
Leave, but not before performing a mercy killing on the laptop
leave, performing a mercy kill on the laptop.
No associate of mine is going to be using windows xp.
-
Nobody has ported Doom to a Himalayan salt lamp.
Yet.
This is your opportunity!one step at a time my friend, one step at a time...
Had an annon grindr date try this on me once. Except I already had Linux on all my electronics. Hottest sex ever. Happily married for 6 years.
More romantic that 99 prevent of my Grindr dates. Hard jealous.
damn, guess that's a green flag then.
There's a decent chance that's still the salt lamp.
as long as i can make it do my bidding for me!
Fuck that's hot
free and open source software is inherently sexy!
The toilet!
THIS is a classic.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=ajW2fDy41fY
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
You got a go stick ready for this at all time?
you think me, a linux user, is leaving home without a handful of bootable drives?
I have an Ubuntu live disc and a Windows install on a USB drive on my keychain lol. The amount of times I've needed one of those and not had it is more than 0 lmao
I feel bad for people who have never licked a Himalayan Salt Lamp.
Why does it never taste like salt?
And why do I keep trying?!?
I think you got a dud. It absolutely should taste salty
I'm going with neither.
Same. That lamp has absolutely been licked before. You don't know by whom and you don't know how recently. If you're at least a tiny bit of a germaphobe, those statements should frighten you.
The high salinity should take care of any bacteria in short order. It may not be clean, but there ain't no bacteria on it!
tiny bit of a germaphobe
iirc salt is a has antimicrobial properties. So if anything, then licking that salt, will reduce the germs in your mouth. So a true germaphobe would be all over that lamp
If you're a germaphobe then surely you should know that 100% salt is enough to yeet literally any microorganism to the back of beyond; in fact anything over 30% is
That lamp is more hygienic than your dinner plate, more than the inside of any food package and infinitely more than your hands even after you've just washed them
If everyone thought that way though the lamp would never get licked
It's pure salt, there's nothing alive on it
You guys get dates? I only get ghosted..
A whole lot of thise lamps are in my area so I dont understand why we still have a hospital
Protip: If they have a lava lamp instead, you can take the lava lamp bottle out, unscrew the bottle cap and drink some lava lamp fluid.
My stepbrother did this once. He kept saying his throat was dry and we found the empty lamp a week later. After rushing him to the hospital to treat his near-fatal injuries, we were saying our goodbyes only two months later...
"Can I get you any thing?", my heartbroken mother said as she stepped into the room.
"Yeah... I'd lava another lamp..."
Thoroughly disgusted, the rest of our family shuffled out of the room muttering bye. I stayed, as I could take a joke. Suddenly, a monstrous shart leaked out of his ass. "Oh God!!! NURSE" I screamed frantically. "Good Lord," she gasped while grasping several bedpans. "He should be dead!" "Auuughooohyeh" My stepbro moaned. I looked on in horror as the red ass ham began to burn away and melt his gown and the now 30ish bedpans lining the walls. The poop accelerates. "Somebody get Dr. Kruger!!!" The many nurses exclaimed. At this point they were frantically shoveling shit out the window as I desperately tried not to get burned. After around 10 minutes, Dr. Kruger arrived. "GREAT HEAVENS!!! We'll need Kevin for this." He waded into the dookie and tossed my stepbrother into pit dug into ground. The poop accelerates. Suddenly, a wiry, greasy, crazed looking man appeared at the door. At this point, the floor was disintegrating, so he leaped over the many holes and started devouring the kaka. "HOLY HELL," I shouted in surprise. "Actual Zombie" I began to lose feeling in my legs. However, Kevin vrrmed like a anteater and sucked that shit up harder than 10 year old me getting hit by a Ferrari! Kevin leaped out of the room and slurped up all the poo poo in the ditch. But... something was wrong. The poop accelerates. Kevin didn't stop. Kevin crawled into my stepbrothers anus and licked it clean. Before he could reach his colon, somebody said "call the exorcist!" and the Poope himself came down from the heavens and uttered three holy words...
"no u"
Kevin's body is forcibly expelled from my stepbrothers colon and writhes in pain. He began to slowly and excruciatingly crawl into his own anus. The legion of nurses surrounding him pick him up and toss him- no it, into a coffin. My stepbrother staggered to his feet and exclaimed "What a nice shit! I feel great now!" and left. Fortunately we live in Europe so we didn't have to pay for anything. All the feeling returned to my legs, my stepbrother is taking care of his 13 kids, and Kevin is probably chilling in some SCP containment unit somewhere. Good times!
But my salt lamp is in my bathroom.
Hmm, now I wonder, if the lamp would slowly 'melt', from damp air condensing on it.
ew poop particles every time they flush
poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp
Sadly, some are plastic...
