Difficulty staying motivated to dilate

I'm almost a year and a half post lower surgery. I've historically done pretty well dilating and kept really good depth. In the last few months though I've lost a bit of depth, I can still dilate to depth with a bit of work and some pain and blood but it's not fun and I suspect the bleeding part isn't the best sign.

I've been having a lot of difficulty being motivated to dilate though. I went through a divorce a bit ago, I lost most of my partners, the one who hasn't broken up with me I don't see anymore since I left the US. I'm in college again in my thirties so everyone I interact with is much younger than me.

I don't have anyone to physically interact with. It's making it really difficult for me to go through the process of dilating. Like I feel there's no real benefit or justification to putting in all the work if nobody is going to utilize it with me anyway. I don't know the next time I'm going to have even a casual physical interaction with anyone. The only physical contact I've had with anyone for two months is two or three handshakes. It's ruining my mental health, when I dilate all I can think about is not having anyone around to hold or touch me. It's emotionally exhausting on top of being a mix of boring and painful.

I'm supposed to be dilating once a week, I can maintain depth with some difficulty if I go every other week. I've been going more like 3 weeks between because it feels like such a hurdle now.

Not really sure what I'm looking for in posting here. Maybe I just need to let it out a bit, my social circle is still a mess I don't have many people I can talk with about things like this.