"Is that ham processed"

"Unholy meat obelisk" has been stuck in the funnybone section of my brain for years.

Or maybe God likes it. Maybe God is thinking, "I wish I had thought to make something so horrific. This is art in its terribleness."

This is why god made humans. He gave us free will as an experiment in chaos. We are the millions of monkeys typing on typewriters.
- God also loves torture and punishment, his favorite things in fact. I don’t see how God wouldn’t be 100% on board with this meat horror.

Take a slice of that cosmic horror with a glop of some emulsified mass of oils not found in nature, also known as Margarine, and a slice of the semi-solid mass of oils not found in nature known as government american "cheese", shoved into a piece of cuban bread (greased with margarine of course) and press toasted until crisp, and you've got my weekday breakfast for most of my childhood.

You poor soul.
We occasionally had American cheese, but we had cheddar way more often. We had a lot of margarine growing up because it was cheap, but by my teenage years we could afford butter, which is a massive upgrade.
- "We had a lot of margarine growing up because it was cheap, but by my teenage years we could afford butter, which is a massive upgrade."
  My experience was similar. Weirdly, it makes me sort of grateful for growing up in poverty, because there's so many things I got to try as an adult that were huge upgrades, like you describe with butter. The biggest example I can think of is actual parmesan cheese — it blew my mind when I first tried it.
Did you get some Mayo with that ever? Sounds like the only missing ingredient for me to want to order two.
- There were two camps. The Margarine group and the Mayo group and they did not mingle. That shit was like bloods vs crips and was also very regional. As in north east folk used margarine vs southwest folk used mayo and each thought the other was gross.

Have you ever fucked a processed ham?

Highly recommended.

I do love me some rectangle ham.

I dunno. Triangles taste better than rectangles. They did science on it and everything. Get me triangle ham
Dice it, fry it in a pan, throw it in with mac and cheese. Delicious!
- Hamwise Gamgee over here

Ok so I'm absolutely confused. I hate deli Ham but the kind of Ham and you cook for feasts is amazing

Are you telling me that's not the same Ham? And I'm NOT insane that deli ham IS disgusting?

That depends which ham you're getting, there are lots of options.

By what definition is that ham?

I tend to buy the posher ham, and I always find it funny how some people believe that this fancier stuff is somehow exempt from this kind of processing. It obviously is less processed (I find that cheap ham is bad for making panini because it releases too much water), but it's still an extremely processed product