Expectations vs reality for those who moved from a city to a small town?
I'm in the process of doing the above and would like to hear about your experience. Were there any surprises? What was as you expected?
The pond gets small really fucking quick. You will run into someone you know almost every time you leave the house. You can't just blend in and get away from anything. Including whatever reputation you develop.
It's honestly fucking awful.
Y'know, that's the primary thing people cite as being nice about a small town. Interesting it was a nasty surprise for you.
"Why don't you go to church?" gets tedious after the 14,000th time.
He couldn't hide his reputation enough lmao
How small are we talking? I moved from a large city (Ft. Lauderdale, FL 185k people) to an insanley large city (Brooklyn, NY 2.6 million) then as a sort of whip lash decided I wanted rural living so I took my RV to an area I was thinking of buying a few acres in (Mossyrock, WA ~1000 people) and plopped for a few months. It was not for me. Real "one coffee shop, one restaraunt, one bar" type place and while I loved it initially, the pain-in-the ass of day to day living was too much. Think 20 min drives to the closest gas station, 45 min drives to the nearest large grocer.
After moving around the area quite a bit, I landed on a place with ~35k people and to me, after two years, I am still loving it. Feels like small town rural living but downtown is a 10 min drive away with a bunch of eateries, bars, nightlife, etc.
Pros of 'smaller' town living (after trying a few areas that passed the vibe check):
Cons:
Ok this turned into an essay, this new coffee bean smacks. Best of luck!
Small town only feel safer until you end up pissing off the wrong person with the right influence. And then it feels like living in some Mafia nightmare. It doesn't even take pissing people off either. Tell someone you are gay in secret? Now half the town thinks you are a pedophile.
Small town "safety" is a myth for the privileged. The crime gap is also kind of a myth. Most small town police departments won't even write a report for domestic violence unless someone ends up in the hospital.
I'm sorry you have had bad experiences and they've stuck with you. I wish you the best in the future!
Less Police Presence. Crime rates drop inordinately as the population decreases, and with that, you see a lot less "boys in blue" - furthermore, because it's usually just a few people, you get to know them and have less anxiety with interactions.
That’s not the impression I got from Twin Peaks 🧐
I'm going from a city of 300k to a town of 2k. Fortunately there's a gas station and groceries in town, less than 5 minutes driving / totally walkable for small hauls.
All the pros you mentioned are things I'm looking forward to. I do WFH so no crazy commutes!
Thanks for sharing!
You're going to love it - I can tell. Enjoy it!!
This all mostly tracks with my experience in southern Aroostook county, Maine. I moved here at the end of June. My town has 400 people. However, I do not mind the things that bothered u/lowspeedchase. Not usually anyway, lol. I have 10 acres of land, and my house was very inexpensive. I moved from dense suburban Massachusetts. I DO WFH, and I have high speed internet here. I’m quite happy!
Also Ontario, not quite as small as you are mentioning but I also came from a much bigger city:
Eta, thought of a few more:
people are all up in each other's business and it's normal.
Do you have any stories to tell about that?
I'm like a 6/10 on the scale of weirdo (not conforming to social norms) and no one even blinked back home. Here it's a problem for some people.
I'm also curious about what this is like. I'm probably a bit more "alternative" in appearance than the average person up there, but I think I could also blend in if not for the fact that they won't recognize me as being from there. Are you talking about things like tattoos and piercings?
Do you have any stories to tell about that?
No specific stories come to mind, but my neighbor who is a very chill live-and-let live dude knows everything about all the other neighbors. He's probably in his late 30s so he's not a retiree sitting around watching people come and go.
I think it might be more that people get to know each other more and make more observations about people because there are less data points, if that makes sense? Whereas in the bigger city people are aggressive about not remembering you/not paying attention outside of certain situations (like getting to know people at the dog park).
Maybe the thing that sticks out are people in shops striking up convos and remembering you. One woman at the hardware store remarked that it was weird to see us because it wasn't Sunday.
I'm also curious about what this is like. I'm probably a bit more "alternative" in appearance than the average person up there, but I think I could also blend in if not for the fact that they won't recognize me as being from there. Are you talking about things like tattoos and piercings?
Tattoos are very common here but there is also a lot of military so it might corelate. I have tattoos and piercings but for the first time in my professional life my boss had tattoos as well lol. I'm an engineer who works mostly with the trades but maybe 10% of the time I'm dealing with "fancy" office engineers so maybe they do have more of a problem with my tattoos, piercings, and field gear wardrobe than I initially thought.
In my specific situation I think the fact that I'm not as formal or deferential as they were expecting. I am very straightforward and I expect people to be straightforward with me too. The field staff really appreciated it because they thought the big city girl would be pretentious and stuffy, but for others I didn't follow the niceties they were expecting and I'm way too outspoken for a woman lol. In the bigger city there was less of a divide between the blue collar and white collar workers. I'm not used to that and the expectation to be "professional" meaning anything other than treating people with respect.
On the flip side of that people at all levels are way too comfortable pushing back on diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives very publicly. I haven't gotten involved in that kind of stuff here because I'm still trying to get used to the job, settle in, etc. In the bigger city they might grumble a bit but would know better than to keep up the behaviors they were told wouldn't fly. I gave positive space training to a group of millwrights back home, but I'm not sure I'd put myself in that situation here. It just feels 10 years behind. That's not to say everyone is out there being problematic, but people are a lot more comfortable being a passive bystander and that's allowing bullshit to continue.
My friends who have often complained about boredom due to the lack of cultural options and nightlife.
How small we talking?
Around 2,000 people
Oh wow, yeah, truly small. It depends on your own outlook and how willing you are to assimilate, or if you're okay with being kind of an outcast who sticks to themselves. If for instance you're a young progressive atheist moving to a rural Tennessee town of deeply religious conservatives, yeah that's not going to be fun. Small Vermont ski town? You'll fit right in. Alaskan town? They'll be conservative, sure, but given the weather and isolation, people have a tendency to rely upon each other and that brings the community closer together.
I grew up rural just outside a town of about 30,000 that was just transitioning to a formally-designated small city. You could go to the grocery store and not see people you knew 2 out of 3 times, I'd say. It's not always bad. We're social creatures and the internet has gotten us away from that, somewhat detrimentally.
My only surprise was how shit every nearby restaurant is
Here’s the thing about “groceries in town”. You will find deals at the deli/bakery and possibly the butcher areas of the store. Sometimes. That said, 80% of it is ridiculously priced.
What often happens is people store more food and bundle their drive into town for stuff.
I will, for example, do most of my grocery shopping after my last shift in a run. Less gas and bother and it’s on the way.
We have a large garden. Two freezers. Cold storage. Two fridges. Fruit trees. If a snow storm dropped and we were stuck for a month we’d be fine. The food would get boring, but we’d be fine.
The one danger to this move you’re making will be the sounds or lack thereof. Once you go rural you may have a very hard time going back to hearing people and their vehicles all the time. As in they become a point of grating stress until they stop.
That's something I've thought about. I already cook most of my food from scratch and expect I should stock up from the bigger town out of the way on occasion. My town does get a lot of snow.
As for the sounds, I'm so looking forward to peace and quiet. There's always someone's car alarm going off in the middle of the night, or the dogs getting into barking and howling matches. Hell is other people.
Where are you from?
Because my first piece of feedback is that the more you go rural the more it matters where the place is. Everybody below seems to be American and... man, based on what they're saying I can tell you my experience doesn't match theirs and I wouldn't want theirs.
Ontario, Canada
Gotcha. Can't really help you there, then.
I grew up in a rural area next to a smaller city, and also spent a lot of time staying with relatives in small towns. Moved to a city as an adult.
Small town gossip and people who try to be a big fish in a small pond are absolutely common occurrences in small towns. It also happens in cities, but is less noticeable because it is easier to avoid those kind of people and get 'lost in the crowd'. Going back to visit the smaller towns showed they still gossiped about the same people and things because there just isn't as much going on to talk about.
Kind of like when only having a few networks meant everyone talked about the same shows, while streaming means there is far more things to talk about and the discussion gets spread out.
The one big positive for small rural towns is that a large portion of the population does support each other on a regular basis. A lot of work is done as favors instead of transactional like in cities, but it also means that if a disaster happens neighbors will go out of their way to help those in need, even the people they don't like.
I personally prefer either the city or completely rural and town adjacent because small town people are absolutely exhausting to interact with the majority of the time and it feels like there is no escape. Visiting can be fun!
Depending on the town, it might be very religious, which means everything will be closed on Sundays. Restaurants, grocers, hardware stores, all of it.
Also, in the US, rural/small town vibes usually mean conservative politics are what goes. If it's a bedroom community, meaning most everyone commutes to the nearest city to go to work, then that's less likely, but there's no knowing until you're there.
Also, in the US, rural/small town vibes usually mean conservative politics are what goes.
This is a good point which I've considered and looked into a bit. This is in Ontario, Canada. The small town voted Liberal in our recent federal election. The bigger city I'm leaving voted Conservative. Curious as it's usually the other way around!
Not exactly city but still rather near to city center(15-20min drive), to a small town that's quite remote from most stuff(35-50min drive).
Expectation: air quality would be good, quiet, very far commute to work
Reality: air quality is mostly good, quiet, very far from work.
Surprise: there's one poultry farm nearby which make the air quality worst for certain time of day.
Not-surprise but still annoying: i picked up cycling after i moved here, and there's no safe biking path to the city, even the backroad still require me to ride on a few km of road, and some fuck will not give ample space when passing through.
Surprise but a welcomed one: i get access to country-side cycling route via backroad.
Our taco bell closes at like 9pm, which blew my mind. I assumed no one ate there before 11pm and alcohol or other substances were involved.
The slutty farmer’s daughter is usually ugly but always a great lay.
Yeah. She will always be there when nobody responds to your booty call. Sluts are the real friends in your life.
Username totally checks out.
The selection shrinks... on everything. 30 beers on tap at that nice brewhouse becomes 3 at the local watering hole. 20 different unique restaraunts becomes a subway and a chinese place. Groceries? Sure, enjoy your walmart and dollar general.
Bar culture is a waste of money anyways.
You can get more variety at a cheaper price from grocery stores. It doesn't make sense to pay more money to drink at a bar with people who you're not close enough to visit each other's homes.
Anyone who spends $7 on a shot when an entire bottle costs $12 isn't using their brain.
I go to the pub after work once a week to catch up with friends who are there.
I wouldn't see them otherwise
Meeting people at the grocery store: 😰
I was with you until you said grocery store beer. No selection at grocery stores in my area unless you want a lager.