"And my dick fucks your wife more than you do. What's your point?"

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

"I don't have a car"

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

Sounds like you got ripped off

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio, but it's heavy and gaudy. I guess money can't buy taste.

"I don't have the habit of looking at other people's watches. Thanks for pointing it out, I guess, I might have otherwise missed that detail entirely."

(Biz-bro mind cannot comprehend this)

“Ok”

The statement is to set them apart from from you and to display power. So you could go with something like,

"Shit, they still make you buy your uniform when you rich eh. Some things never change."

But more elegantly. Reassert that they are subject to others' power/approval and relate to them to assert that they're no different from you.

"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."

"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."

"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."

Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

You paid that much for a watch that looks like you steal from your grandad?

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

"what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"

"one more time?"

"ok. thanks for letting me know."

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

"Wow, you're really shit at bargaining. They really took you for a ride!"

Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?

I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.

Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.

"Okay?"

I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.

"It's not my fault you're stupid"

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

If only you had learned to tell time.

laughs gently and sighs

"This is a six ounce cup of bath water from a YouTube influencer..."

"Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark."

"It's certainly a nice looking piece of jewelry"

Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"

Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.

Sorry I'm not into bracelets

get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.

optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.

"Didn't ask"

“Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden”

I'd just start laughing and point at them.

Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?

I don't have a car

I don't care to respond

I don't mind sounding poor.

Wealth beyond what is good for you is no better than theft I'd say. Buying expensive watches while little children grow up in poverty is nothing to be proud of. If anyone should feel shame it should be that guy. Don't be humiliated by such shameless assholes. And don't try to counter attack, It won't work, they don't share your values, they feel no shame for the things that they do. Instead let's organize and fight them where it hurts. Taxes, taxes, taxes.

"I wouldn't want to paint a target on my back like that. Did you hear about Chesterwick's son getting kidnapped while backpacking in Burma?"

"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"

"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"

Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.

Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.

But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."

"that's cute!"

good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then

“Your watch cost more than £100?”

"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"

Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".

I have friends.

And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.

Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?

"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."

“I don’t mean to victim blame, but I try not to look like I’m worth mugging.”

That's quiet an expensive way to look cheap

"Yes, your fancy jewelry is very pretty. Good job."

Edit: after I stopped laughing, of course.

"Cool story bro. Needs more dragons."

"and yet your dad still don't love you."

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

So you are fiscally irresponsible and you are proud of it? Good to know…

I wouldn't even hide that watch up my ass.

Woow, what does it do?

• It tells time.

Nothing else? So does my car.

• Your clock stopped. (Looks at the clock)
• No it's still working.
• You are bald on tip of your head I saw it when you were looking at the clock.

"that's so sad"

But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.

A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...

My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car

"and i have a piece of cardboard thats worth more than your watch" whips out a charizard

"Oh, well this gun costs less than your watch, and yet: hand it over."

When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.

A lot of replies here still wander into sounding mad imo Instead, I would fake not getting the insult and just make them uncomfortable by saying something like "Wow that's cool :D" and then just move on. Sort of like when you acknowledge a child doing something dumb but they're so proud of it you don't want to ruin it for them.

Fool and his money.

Your pathetic status symbols only show how anxious and insecure you are.

Quite a low bar considering that I don't need a car of my own.

"What's your point?"

don't. make a "oh poor guy" face and move on. he wants you to engage, to be angry, if you don't he will be mad

My car has an analog clock face too.

"You got it wrong, expensive watches dont go faster"

That watch salesman really ripped you off then.

"What a horrible financial decision"

Will your regular charge you half price when she doesn't see you wearing it?

"You got ripped off"

That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.

I can afford not to have a watch.

"Was it meant to make you happier? I'm not sure it worked."

You still use a watch?

I couldn't care less.

Ok, and what's your question?

Bragging is lower-class behavior

Smile and say "it's very pretty".

That's not a very high bar, boomer.

this movie, glengarry glen ross, was so fucking good. definitely worth a watch if you enjoy watching masterpiece acting. kevin spacey is in it though (his acting is great he just sucks as a person)

neat

Can your watch play Bad Apple?

Can your watch run Doom?

Can you install Arch on that watch?

...

... didn't think so 😛

You paid all that money for a watch that can't do ANY cool stuff? You utter loser 🤣 🤣 🤣

Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.

With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.

"good for you, little guy"

K

You gotta understand this proving your worth by buying ridiculously expensive shit and then bringing attention to it is an attitude of "new money"

Rich people who have been rich for generations will have the same time piece but they will not even think about it. It's granted to them, part of their life that they would never question. Like you putting on socks.

And that is the attitude that new money cannot understand. Hell that's kind of what the great gatsby is about, new money just not getting that the expensive shit is just more furniture.

So the most frustrating thing to this mindset is to treat it as no big deal, or even weird that they would bring it up which really it is

Just smile non-genuinely and say "Sure."

neet

Cool story bro

This isn't a car

Jokes on you, with the deferred maintenance, my car has negative worth.

What's my motivation? Is there a reason why I'm listening to Alec Baldwin brag about his watch? What's stopping me from simply walking away?

What time is it?

'nice watch!' then move in and quietly say "oh, hey, it looks like your barber missed a spot back there"

I have people who love me.

Shoot the man.

"Oh, you could only afford one watch?"

I feel like owning expensive stuff like that is non optional for the very rich. Those who answer things like "my phone already does that" do sound poor. They don't buy it because they need the time. They buy it because it looks nice and is expensive.

I think I would make a disgusted face and say something like "really? It doesn't look like it. What brand is it?"

"your wife is still sleeping with the pool boy"

Good for you, why should I care?

Good for you man, that's a really great watch 😊

Sad little men like that are most hurt by you not being offended by them. It's like with internet trolls; non-engagement is the best weapon. It also happens to require the least amount of energy or time. So easy, but so devastating to their ego.

Imagine not being able to tell the time by just looking up

Has this one done it? or how many such watches in do you get to be happy?

Compliment it and remember that the guy is an asshole lmao

"Oh, am I supposed to kiss it?"

"My wealth is in stocks"

That's how they'll know whose assets to liquidate when the world wakes up.

seems like a giant waste of money when you have phone that has the time on it.

I don't have a car

"Big deal- I also have a small cock."

No wait I wanna change it to "I have a small cock too, but nobody can tell just by looking at me"

"It must be so tedious being bound in the literal shackles of time. Worse yet to attach ones sense of manhood to their own enslavement. Even moreso to celebrate it with an even fancier manacle... I'm going to go enjoy a coffee. I'll be back whenever I'm done."

Barf in his face.

Realize you mistakenly spoke to a Baldwin and walk away

"Wow, I guess you really CAN'T buy taste then"

Cool. Anyway...

interesting, i also used to enjoy making poor people feel 'less than,' but then i graduated high school

"Hey what time is it? Im suppose to meet up with some friends later."

"So instead of feeding hundreds of hungry children, you decided to get gaudy jewelry that tells everyone you're a greedy cunt?"

Why would you own a depreciating asset that is that expensive?

My phone is more accurate

Why would I spend money on a depreciating asset? My money works for me.

Great! Does it help you with not shooting people as well?

Does your watch get good milage?

Such frivolous spenditure will rot your money. Decay of your father's fortune and your child's kingdom. Begotten by weak flesh and temptation, coward from strength.

Even the homeless know to not show your power before you speak, or your trades will be levied against you.

Anyone who spends more on a watch than a car has poor money management. Fuck, what a waste. There's no way any watch is worth more than $1000 other than for clout which is stupid.

"Fuck outta here with your garbage little trinket. Rolex as a whole, doesn't come anywhere NEAR the big three in any capacity, so go get yourself a real watch and I might be impressed, because all you've shown me so far is your have more money than taste...*

So you could have donated that money to a food bank or homeless shelter and gotten a tax break. Or you could have just kept it and invested in dividend paying stock, but instead you spent it on a watch that tells you the same time as my $20 watch?

So you like to waste money?

-"What time is it?"