What is something you would like to abolish, and why? (Humorously)

I would like to abolish subscription fees for most items that really shouldn’t have subscription fees. If you bought the item, it should be yours. That’s the point of buying the item.

The stock market.

I would abolish toilets without bidets. You would be legally required to have a bidet in all bathrooms, private and public. Worldwide!

corporate fucking personhood. not that it exists but the friggin false idea that it should and any belief system that lead or may ever lead to it.

Billionaires.

Also, the propagation of the idea that you are poor because of the actions of even poorer people.

Professional sports teams. I'm just sick of hearing people blather on endlessly about them and expecting me to join in.

Bring back gladiators!

Video tutorials without captions/instead of text. I don’t want to watch someone fumble through over 30 minutes what I can skim in 5.

Everyone here being so serious.

Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can't we have just a few adults only places?

No matter what I get some child screaming while I'm trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say "well where are they supposed to go" and my answer is always "literally anywhere else". Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say "well mine are great" which I would say I don't care, but other parents don't care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it's be kids in breweries.

The inconsistency of apostrophe usage in English for possessives and contractions. If it was instead written...

It-s a wonderful day out today, take your phone but turn off it's data so you can soak up the clear blue skies.

It'd be so much fucking easier and my OCD would be satiated.

Ban streaming services from advertising they have something on their platform and when you go to it, you realize you need to pay for an add-on subscription.

The need to pee at night.

Black licorice. Don’t even try to tell me that shit is candy. It tastes like some horrible byproduct of an outdated process for manufacturing tires.

People saying “blog” when they mean post. You did not write a new blog on your blog, you wrote a new post on your blog.

You do not drive your car on the car. You drive your car on the road.

Digital billboards. That degree of rapid pace advertising is toxic, also those fuckers are bright AF.

Money in politics.

Dyson hand dryers. Too many dB.

Teenagers. Just ship 'em off somewhere between the ages of 13 and 18. Pouty, Self-entitled, disrespectful shits.

Dihydrogen monoxide.

Literally kills thousands of people a year.

I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.

The colour red so that way whenever somebody goes to "Red Lobster" all they see is "Lobster" on the sign.

Regional locks.

Why the fuck can't I watch first 2 seasons and last 2 seasons of an anime on crunychroll sony? Why the fuck can't I register your accounts to my country sony? Why the fuck can't I buy your games on steam in my country sony? Why the fuck can't I listen to your music on my streaming subscription, sony?

There is no reason for this shit to exist.

Conservatism

What good has it fucking done us

Motion-sensing faucets in public bathrooms. I feel like there is somebody behind the mirror trolling me every time.

Property taxes. Land value taxes are just better.

The ability for human beings to advance scientific knowledge further than it currently exists.

Something needs to protect the rest of the galaxy from us.

Anybody else owning cats. Then I can have all the cats. 🐱 🐈

No more internet gaming, all multiplayer gaming must be local, so that you can actually get your dumb ass up from the chair and punch (or be punched) by others, like our ancestors intended.

News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. "Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it's inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.". So much of corporate media is this, we've nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer "but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased".

The 9/10 extension on gasoline pricing.

When this fuel was 13¢ per gallon, sure some folks might want to compete with finer-grained pricing.

It's time to drop that pretense

Manchester United Football Club

Pineapple. Not just on pizza (although that is an abomination), but all pineapple in food or drinks. It's weird and slimy and its taste taints everything it touches. Plus fresh pineapple is trying to digest you while you eat it. Just a horrible fruit all around.

I will not be swayed by counter arguments.

Socks with sandals

Our modern day concept of ownership.

Money. It's just a mechanism of control because those with the power to share never learned to do so. They're the kids at the playground hogging the swing set while everyone else is getting wood chips kicked in their face. Humanity in a nutshell.

Maybe not humorous, but I hope it paints a picture.

The now ultra-common usage of "whenever", when they actually mean "when".

I can't fucking stand it. But it's everywhere now. I have no idea how it got so common but I'm surrounded by people who use it incorrectly.

Green bell peppers. I hate the way they taste. Had someone tell me they don’t taste like anything. Ok then why even bother if there’s no taste?

Pouring cereal before the milk.

The World Wide Web, so everyone will be forced to go back to gopher

it would be nice if the current president's life were (humorously) abolished

First, I'll abolish your milk
Then, I shall abolish your VIRGINITY