Started HRT yesterday. I'm really, really hoping that I can end a decade-long plus dissociation and stop feeling like a walking ghost. Here's hoping.
Trying new potential solutions is definitely a step in the right direction! I hope it helps more than you expected or even dreamed it could. 💜
Congrats to that! may it being good things 🌸🌼🌷🌺🌹
Last week I solicited a donation for our town's seed library, which is hosted by the town library. They've never had so many seeds to give out or use for the community garden, which donates all the produce to the local schools and food bank. Here's what ours looks like (imgur) for anyone interested in helping their local library set something like this up.
Yesterday, we played And Out Come the Wolves for Juniper and she seemed to really like it, she even started singing along with me (singing is doing a lot of lifting here, she's not really doing words yet)
Frustrating. They changed my shift from 8am to 5am at the last minute. Spent the whole week sleep-deprived and sluggish, had to miss things I really wanted to do because every day after work I've basically struggled to do chores then struggled to get to bed on time. Also where I do so much walking on the job, I finally rubbed through the thighs in my last decent pair of pants, and couldn't find a single new pair that fit me.
Psychiatrist changed the app she uses for video calls, to one that doesn't work. Every device I tried it on just gave me a white page with a permission error. So no psychiatrist appointment, no adderall refill. That's going to be fun.
My cat is starting to get restless with our daily walks. They've tripled in length and she'll never come in on her own anymore, I have to carry her, hissing and growling, back to the apartment. The whole time we're outside she's just mad that I won't let her climb the neighbor's fence. Even though she doesn't enjoy it, she spends all night howling if we don't do it. I love her a lot but I'm getting tired.
At least it's a beautiful day.
Past:
I've hit the road twice this month 🛻 Local radio stations are pure fun; I wonder... how to set one up? 📻
This month alone I've interacted with more people than the entire 2022; that ought to be good. 👥
Present:
An author gifted me her novel and I'm thoroughly enjoying it 📖 Personifying the scream that is born out of systemic oppression is an interesting way to explore family dynamics in a book. 🗣️
Yet... emptiness is around again. ☯️
Future:
Plans may easily disintegrate, but we're planning on a craftsy arternoon this week to celebrate 1 year of friendship. 🖌️
Also hoping all the food we were given on our trips doesn't spoil... 🍊
Had a fun weekend.
Yesterday I ordered a bunch of nail products to step up my nail game. I've been just doing flat polish with nothing else on it and it was getting boring. Now we're leveling those babies up with base coats, top coats, glitter and more colours 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
Also feeling less gender dysphoria now that the sun's out and I can wear more fem things again without freezing to death 💅
Last week I released the blog post I mentioned previously. It's now in Finnish and English.
I have an old netbook from 2011 that I have used as my home server since 2017. It has a 1 TB SSD, and for some time it had weird problems such as "Remounting filesystem read-only" and "EXT4-fs error", usually leading to crashes. After rebooting, Ubuntu's boot screen would not always appear. According to SMART, the drive was however all fine. At first I replaced the file system's journal and ran fsck. That wasn't enough, and the problems persisted. I was about to RMA the SSD, when I put Gparted Live on an USB stick and used that for fixing the file system. And it worked, now the home server has worked all fine for over three days!
Two thoughts in case unexplicable stuff happens again:
- SMART doesn't detect all possible errors, especially not on SSDs. (It was originally designed as an early-warning system for mechanical failures on spinning rust drives, and later somewhat expanded.)
- A faulty RAM chip can cause all sorts of subtle (and not-so-subtle) mayhem but is often overlooked as a possible cause for disk troubles. If in doubt, MemTest86 is your friend!
I even ran MemTest86 and it showed things to be all fine. I recently bought new memory (2 GB) for the netbook.
SMART can be used for a couple different things - one is just reading the health values reported by the drive, another is for instructing the drive to run tests of itself and then reporting the results. if you haven't already, I'd recommend having it run the "long" self-test as that inspects the entire drive. it will often prompt the drive to report problems that it may not have noticed otherwise.
a related thing to keep an eye on, especially with an old netbook like that, is the power & data connectors to the drive. buildup of dust, or corrosion on the contacts, or something like that, could cause symptoms that look like a drive failure, even if the drive itself is perfectly healthy.
The problems I described eventually happened again after 3 days or so. I got pissed, so I decided to RMA the drive and ship it to Denmark where the store I bought it from has its HQ. As a temporary solution I formatted the laptop's original HDD, put it back and installed Ubuntu Server. A bit of setting up and now things work. In the meantime I won't be running NextCloud though, as the drive's only 250 GB.
After 7 years, finally decided to get a new cell phone. I'm hitting app compatibility issues.
Well, the SIM card died today. I had been using that thing since at least my Note 3 (maybe even the HTC Thunderbolt, cant remember which). Luckily the new phone has a eSIM so they could just activate that remotely.
Just got back from a trip with my college friends. We're a bit spread out now so it's been awhile since we've all been in the same place. It was really nice, and we're going to try to make it a yearly thing!
Getting annoyed that Meta brought so much attention to shadow libraries that make a lot of otherwise inaccessible academic information available to the general public.
Comics... Equally enjoyable as they are frustrating (crossovers and reading orders make things unnecessarily complicated).
Other than that, pain and fatigue. Didn't want this year to be like last year, but it seems many appointments are on the horizon.
Burnout. Gotta sacrifice some of my Sundays hanging out with my bf. A lil sad bc he's the only person right now on my life that has free time(ish). 🫠 Then the rest of my week is busy. Saturdays are workdays. Mondays–Thursdays have a mix of work, schoolwork, and homework.
And I'm looking for summer internships, and trying to find skills to work on in the meantime. Not sure how much time I have to prioritize this stuff though. But uh... I need to find a job asap once I graduate. I dunno.
Life has been tough. I'm hoping summer will be easier.
Great in general, limited by back and neck locking up.. Trying to do so many things but I have to prioritize literally doing nothing as my back and neck are not in good shape and so I am a bit sad I can't do everything I otherwise could.. For example if I study math it is like studying with an egg timer in my neck, so I can't afford getting stuck on problems as it physically punishes me lol. But I get a lot of other things done, I just have to settle for surface level and not deep dives that require spending hours in similar positions.
Just came from the doctor so that's on my mind right now. But it is all from a source of excitement. If I wasn't loving what I was doing I wouldn't be bummed out by not being able to do it.
Lots of Monster Hunter: Wilds. I'm at the point where I'm basically farming for dicerolls: Decorations, artian weapon materials.
I'm still only on chapter 3 I think? Haven't played too much yet. Gotta go look up some tutorials on weapon combos and figure out how to organize my items and load outs.
I feel like I'm missing my attacks a lot more compared to MH World, but maybe I'm just really rusty haha
I'm missing a lot, too, but I chalked that up to the game being a little more lenient, thus giving me more room to freestyle instead of turtling.
I've played Gunlance since 4U, which has kept things relatively stable for me (aside from the occasional addition/removal of things like Blast Dash). I also picked up SnS this time around so I can take on group hunts with the Power of Friendship and Mushrooms.
They upped my dosage of Lexapro and everything feels like that one monologue to Fight Club: "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy..."
Fallas 2025 was top notch
- Finally managed to fix my gotam sleeping schedule, which a depressive episode triggered (that's over too thankfully), i am waking up a bit too early for my liking, but i prefer it over waking up super late.
- I started using Busuu for portuguese and i'm quite enjoying it, hopefully i can start irl classes once i have some more money.
- Got rid of hella live service games i was playing + two "habit tracking" apps (Habitica and Finch), hopefully it can help me decrese my screentime.
- Wishing everyone a good start to their week 🦊🍂
