What is a specific fear you have?

Finding one of my children dead, it has happened once already.

You're a good parent.

Unlike my parents who are just shitty and would feel relieved if I kms right now.
- At least your parents like metric! That’s gotta count!
  
  But seriously, no license is needed to become a parent, one of the greatest responsibilities IMO. Maybe they don’t actually hate you, and just don’t know to parent good. If they hated your guts, why would they (badly?) raise you instead of giving you in adoption the moment you were born?
Thanks for sharing this. Losing a child is so devastating people become pariah, but you're showing people it happens and people get through it. I'm sorry your child passed, they should still be here today
- Work was very supportive of me during that time, excluding my direct supervisor, who nearly ended up being fired over it. I had support from friends that helped as well.
  
  But it being a suicide added so much more taboo to it. His birth giving parent (is a trans man) was raised very religious and had a hard time telling people it was a suicide, so I kept it quiet. Eventually they announced the suicide and me being able to talk about it in that sense really helped me a lot.
I'm so sorry! It happened to two friends of mine and they were absolutely destroyed, stay strong!
- It was 11 1/2 years ago, he would be 29 years this year.

The MAGAstapo breaks down my door at 2 AM

You know, every time I mention this I get strange looks (I also have now just realized that makes me sound like I bring this up very often - I've done so maybe twice):

My odd specific fear is based around the fact that I have quite a few medical issues, a lot of the symptoms haven't been resolved yet due to not knowing the root cause. This has been the case for years... I fear that I'll end up leaving this planet in some strange way that ends up triggering an autopsy being performed on me. The examiner then basically says "Wow, this guy lived a tough life. If only his doctors had known about XYZ, these issues could've been easily solved" - and that effectively all of this that I deal with is "for nothing".

On one hand, I like to think that if seeing numerous specialists for how long I've been doing so hasn't resulted in answers, then it's probably not super likely that an ME would just randomly find the answer on a simple autopsy.

On the other hand, quite a few of the doctors that I see don't really listen, and are always in a rush to get you out the door in five minutes... So maybe not.

In the end, I try not to think about it too often - there's nothing more that I can do, at least not reasonably. I mean sure, I could go to medical school and try to become a doctor and hope by then I have the knowledge to diagnose myself, but I wouldn't really call that "reasonable". Plus, I hear doctors make terrible patients.

I get this it's a valid fear. What's your gut instinct about it?
- Hmm, do you mean whether they'd find an answer (or even what the answer might be)? If so, it's tough to say.
  
  Edit: This is a much longer response than I intended to give... My bad!
  
  One of the issues I've been dealing with for example is I'm constantly incredibly tired. The feeling that most people have when they first wake up for a couple of minutes where they're not fully awake even though they're "physically awake" is the closest I can describe it, except I have it all day most of the time.
  
  Doesn't matter how much sleep I get, the result ends up pretty much being the same. I do often have sleep issues, but sometimes I think that it's a cyclical result of me being too tired throughout the day and thus not doing enough, and so my brain doesn't think that it's time to sleep because I haven't done anything (but then because I don't sleep well, the next day I still end up doing "not enough" because I'm even more tired from the lack of sleep)... I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but when I bring it up to doctors they don't seem to think it's a crazy theory.
  
  Trying to find out the root cause though has not been easy, as sadly lethargy and fatigue are very generic symptoms - the amount of things that can cause it (even on a chronic level like mine) is... quite a list. And then if you eliminate one, that doesn't mean that others aren't affecting you either.
  
  So for example, it's common for me to be low on iron and other essential vitamin levels because I have Crohn's Disease which one of the side effects is that you have a hard time absorbing those nutrients. Nowadays I consistently see a hematologist who checks for these things, and I can have iron infusions done to fix low iron levels.
  
  A couple of years ago, my results were so low that the lab tech called my doctor saying it was dangerously low, who then called me at 8PM in the day saying that I needed to drop what I was doing and go straight to the ER for an emergency blood transfusion. One of the jobs of iron to my understanding is to be a binder for oxygen so that it can be carried throughout your body - if it gets too low, you risk your organs basically not getting enough.
  
  Then last year we found out my testosterone levels were practically that of an 80 year old man - I'm in my late 20s... So I had to start TRT, and everyone hoped that would be the magical fix - sadly, it wasn't (though it still needed to be addressed anyways). That however comes with its own issues.
  
  Now they want me to get a sleep study done because their next idea is that I might just never (or very rarely) be entering REM sleep - if you don't enter REM sleep, then you're pretty much not actually sleeping (an 8 hour sleep without REM is practically just an 8 hour "power nap"). But even if that were the case, and we got it fixed, there's still no guarantees that there isn't some other issue that is triggering the fatigue.
  
  As to my gut feeling, I know there is certainly an answer - I just don't know what the answer is. But there is absolutely zero chance that the majority of the humans on this planet can go about their lives and actually be awake with enough energy to do "normal things" such as work an 8 hour day, and that I'm somehow that unique to just be missing some vital gene or such, especially when I used to be among those people. I haven't even hit my thirties yet!
  
  Somewhere along the way, something went critically wrong and I lost that "ability", but as to what that "something" is I unfortunately just don't know because after all these years I've exhausted the list of things I think it could be based off my limited medical knowledge (I of course never went to medical school, but living with an autoimmune disease since before you even started puberty you do at least learn a little bit).
  
  I guess the other tangential fear I have is that I'll spend the rest of my "good years" trying to figure this out, and that eventually the doctors will just blame it on old age. Time only flows in one direction, once March 16th 2025 has come and gone, it'll never swing by again - there's no do-over if they just don't find the answer in time.
I have similar feelings about my partner. They’re constantly in and out of the doctor’s office for a variety of medical issues. It would be nice if there were at least some sort of diagnosis. Like we have family and friends say “oh it’s good that the tests for all of those things came back negative” like it somehow means her symptoms will stop since she wasn’t diagnosed. Every time I hear it, the voice in the back of my head goes “how is not knowing the best case scenario?” At least if you have a diagnosis, you can work on treating the root cause.
- Yep, I definitely am all too familiar with that experience. I've tried to accept that this usually comes from a genuinely good place - people often don't know how to interpret the news and want to say something positive. But sometimes I wish for more honesty of "Wow, that fucking sucks, I'm sorry". Most of the time I don't even share the (lack of) updates anymore unless its very explicitly asked for.
  
  That all being said, I do hope your partner gets some good news soon - I truly feel for them. Not knowing creates problems of its own.
God I relate to this so hard. So many doctors just dismissing the constant pain I go through, so many times I seriously just sit and think "What if it's something stupid that nobody is thinking of."

I hate the state of medical service in the United States. Most expensive medical care in the world, but if you're poor, you're wasting the doc's time.
- It really makes me wish I could turn back the clock. When I was a kid, my pediatric GI was very aggressive with my treatment - each appointment that I had she would ask how I'm feeling and if the answer was anything less than "I feel fantastic!" then she would start to come up with a way to pivot my treatment along with finding more tests (where applicable) to continue trying to tackle the issues. All other answers meant there was still work to be done.
  
  As a kid it wasn't something that I understood and could appreciate, from my limited perspective it just looked like she kept wanting to put me on new things that had the potential to make me feel even more sick (I vividly remember having to take a course of antibiotics at one point that made me sick for weeks), or to be put through more machines, have more of my blood taken, etc. I'd do anything to get that back though, as you mentioned, doctors are incredibly dismissive.
  
  I don't even know when doctors (at least here in the US) started to turn sour. Even as a kid, before I got referred to GI my PCP was incredibly dismissive of my concerns and that of my parents - their "best" theory for why I was practically just skin and bones came down to "He probably has an eating disorder that you're not aware of". The other thing I liked about my pediatric GI was that she spoke to me, not "about" me to my parents. Even though my parents obviously don't go to my doctors appointments now, in a way it still feels like I'm being "spoken about" rather than spoken to with most of the doctors I see.
  
  In comparison, almost all other people that I've interacted with in the medical world are fantastic - lab techs, nurses, nurse practitioners, phlebotomists, etc. Its just the doctors that are terrible.
  
  I constantly hear about how medical science is so advanced, but with the way doctors generally act... well, "could've fooled me" is usually my words on that.

I'm terrified that I smell bad and nobody is telling me.

Thalassophobia, aka fear of deep water. No problem being in a boat, but swimming in it is a no-go. I can swim in swimming pools, but the larger the body of water (ponds, lakes, ocean, etc) the larger the fear. I think it has something to do with not being able to see through the depth of the water? Strangely enough, the idea of being in space doesn't bother me at all.

I also tried Subnautica (based on recommendations) like a dumbass, played it for 20 minutes and had a panic attack. Uninstalled!

I can’t look at super close up pictures of insects, like where you can see all the little hairs and shit. Sends shivers down my spine. The worst part is I had to dissect a giant grasshopper in high school anatomy. God I still remember having to rip its mandibles out of its face. Gahh shiver The cat was much more manageable later on in the year lol

Waking up to find my partner dead. I used to leave for work while she was still deeply asleep so every morning before I kissed her goodbye I would have that moment of terror that when my lips touch her she would be cold.

That while I'm driving I'll have to sneeze while driving across a bridge and during that split second while my eyes are closed and I'm distracted by the sneeze I'm going to drive off the edge.

That is wonderfully specific!

Losing all of my memories, and therefore proof that I've lived, to hereditary dementia.

I dont want to hold babies. I have a fear that I will drop it and I am not sure what I would say to the parents. Im not sure what is going to happen when I have kids

Im not sure what is going to happen when I have kids

For me, it went like this:

I'm afraid I'll drop or hurt this tiny helpless child.

But this tiny helpless child can't even go drink milk by itself.

I guess I can only make things better helping it get milk. I'll just be really careful.

That wasn't so bad. I guess I can do this.

Then repeat in stages every 15 minutes or so as it needs diapers, or cuddles to warm up, or cleaned, or milk again, or diapers again.

Until eventually I'm confidently picking it up in a moment of complete terror so that it won't run out into traffic.
- This does make me feel better. My wife keeps saying I need to hold babies to get over it (I suppose similar to your experience, hold it and realize it ain’t that bad). We’ll see how it goes. I don’t plan on having kids until I finish grad school though so I do have some time to prepare myself to face my fear: baby droppin. Thank you kind stranger for the words of wisdom

That I'll die before my kids are adults and I won't be there to prepare them for the world.

I’ve tried to live a good life, and tried to be a good influence around me. My secret fear is suddenly dying in public, and farting like some corpses.

I want to be remembered as a good coworker or friend, etc., not as the guy who farted loudly after dying.

Speak for yourself; If I could be remembered by a fart that rattled the souls of everyone nearby, I’d die happy.

My family finding out about my fictional crushes, showing that I've got a superbly weird taste in fictional men.

Turn that into your armour. I threaten my friends and family with my search history so they'll never be tempted to snoop.

Fear of ending up in Guantanamo and getting tortured. (I'm American)

Whenever I have to go into the city (I live in a small town) I have to take a short ferry to get there. Whenever it lists like 4-6 degrees, it scares me so bad.

Being helpless in a situation I had already thought about but never had the opportunity to prepare for.

I have a fear of being wrongly accused/arrested for something horrific, like murder, and then when I'm taken in for questioning I do what you're supposed to and refuse to speak and ask for a layer, but that just makes everyone suspect me more and I end up in prison.

Putin and Trump.

Saws. The sound they're making shakes me to my core and having to help someone who almost amputated their finger enforced that fear further

All saws, or just power saws? Do you have a similar reaction to all kinds of saws, or just specific ones? Table saws, band saws... How about chainsaws?
- Pretty much any variation of power saw. The closer your hands are to the moving saw, the worse. Hand saws are cool tho. Love my Ryoba

Never being able to get out from my family's thumb. Dying misirable, bitter, and angry at the world because my whole life was squandered. Realizing my one chance to have avoided all this passed thirty years ago and even then it was at best a half-chance.

Very specific weird fear:

One time, when I was a kid, I was on a road trip and we stopped at a McDonalds for some food and to use the bathroom. I went into the bathroom and the floor, walls and ceiling all had the same tile covering them. I don't know why, but when the door closed, I was so fucking terrified I made it halfway to the toilet and then turned around and ran out. It was such a strange experience and I have no idea why it got to me that bad.

This

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This guy gave me a lot of nightmares when I was 6 to 11 years old. Maybe because it showed up abruptly from a side of the screen

I can’t look at super close up pictures of insects, like where you can see all the little hairs and shit. Sends shivers down my spine. The worst part is I had to dissect a giant grasshopper in high school anatomy. God I still remember having to rip its mandibles out of its face. Gahh shiver. The cat was much more manageable later on in the year lol

I'm afraid the world will end and I'll be a dick without my SSRIs or coffee

People have been joking about it… But if RFK Jr actually comes after SSRIs, I think the whole country will very quickly light on fire.

I have an irrational fear of Beaker of the Muppets.

Prion diseases. In order to work properly, proteins have to be folded in a certain way. Misfolded proteins typically don’t work as they should. Prions are misfolded proteins that cause other healthy proteins to misfold when they come into contact with each other. This causes all sorts of medical issues.

Mad Cow Disease is one of the more infamous prion diseases. In humans, it manifests as Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. It basically causes your brain to melt, as the proteins holding it together all get misfolded. It has a 100% fatality rate, typically within 1 year of initial diagnosis. Fatal Insomnia is another prion disease, where the area of the brain that controls sleep is affected, but the body’s need for sleep still persists. You just become totally unable to fall asleep, until you fucking die from sleep deprivation.

The big issue with prion diseases is that they’re totally 100% incurable and untreatable. Once you have come into contact with the prion, you have a death timer. Prions are also extremely resilient. They aren’t destroyed by time, decomposition, fire, or even caustic chemicals. So they’ll just sit there, waiting for someone to come into contact with them.

I fear that, one day, the wrong people are going to find out I cheated on my finals in order to graduate, which does have consequences.

Hah!

I chose a BA in computer science because it indicated that I'd satisfied the requirements for both - it was literally my choice; I'd done all of the stuff for a BS plus a enough for a minor in a BA. Stupid me thought people would understand that a BA in CS meant you went beyond.

No. No, hiring managers think a BA in CIS is some weaker, non-technical, non-STEM kind of computer thing, like a degree in computer art or something.

So I've been lying my whole life; when asked, I say I have a BS in CIS. I wouldn't say I'm ever exactly worried about being caught out, because it's easily explainable, but it has crossed my mind occasionally, when filling out applications.

My car breaking down at a railroad crossing while a train is coming towards me.

Honestly, as long as you can just coast across, you’ll be fine. The people who get into trouble are the ones who intentionally stop (like maybe a red light across the tracks) and then can’t start again. Even with the giant “do not stop on tracks” signs, people are just stupid and park across them anyways.

So just make sure you stop before the tracks, or that you have enough speed to get clear of them. There shouldn’t ever really be a scenario where you’re forced to actually stop on the tracks.

The flesh eating disease. It's everywhere and you can get it from a minor cut.

Pool drains. Hate them. Whenever I go swimming, I always avoid them.

A slow and painful death. Also,injury causing brain damage.

Getting my eyeball cut by a snake plant or “Mother in Laws tongue”. Too many close calls as a child

That the shadowy creatures I see creep by every single corner, just out of sight, are actually real.

I'm afraid of horses because their mouth is in their fucking nose and they have big scaring teeth.

Getting hung from a tree in a gate crime