how could i talk to someone about them being aggressive without invalidating them but also without enabling/downplaying it?
how could i talk to someone about them being aggressive without invalidating them but also without enabling/downplaying it?
Try the FAST method to help draft up a way to approach this person: https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/fast.php
It's a very useful way to be assertive when confronting somebody with a problem you have with them.
First off, be careful. Make sure you aren't putting yourself in danger. Don't talk to them. Talk to someone who can do something to protect you. HR if it's a work thing or the police if it rises to that level. If in doubt, err on the side of caution. If something like HR or police aren't an option, ghost them.
I hesitate to even go on. So let me reiterate. Aggressiveness is the kind of red flag you don't want to take lightly.
All that said, if none of the above helps; if you're talking about something other than fear for your personal safety (and again, please don't let denial blind you here), then: don't talk about their behavior. Talk about how you feel. Say that you feel nervous/on edge/scared when they behave in whatever way you're alluding to.
Fuck the cops what do you need your dog shot? Fuck H.R. "we've talked with our lawyers and we've decided to let you go." Fighting the dude in a back alley for dominance is better advice.
Um, got more context? Generic questions beget generic answers.
"I understand this issue is very important to you, but that doesn't mean you can treat others in this way. <More constructive alternative approach here>"
That's the best I've got given how vague your question is.
the person thinks they are better than everyone else and is also obsessed with rules, has to constantly insult others to remind themselves and others that they will always be better.
Just call 'em out. They'll argue against it, and you should cut them off then. But it will leave them with a clear answer as to why, and hopefully lead to revelation.
Do you want to help this person be better, or do you want to protect yourself from them?
The first will require that they are receptive in some way to being helped, so it may be impossible.
The second... well, you've described a deeply insecure person. The need to constantly remind other people how much better they are demonstrates a real fear of being found to be inadequate. If you can determine the source and/or subject of the insecurity you can potentially weaponize it against them. That's risky though, it may make you more of a target for retribution.
Remember, you can't fix someone else, they can only fix themselves. You can offer guidance, but that only works if they're open to being guided.
Perhaps the best course of action is more zen... let them learn their own lessons. Isolate yourself from damage as much as possible, and just wait for them to crash and burn. Make popcorn.