At some point you need to take responsibility for your insecurities and work on moving past them rather then expecting society to placate you. Languages evolve, so if your end goal is gender equality (or even if its not), the best thing you can do is accept that words are context sensative and "dude" and "guys" can be neutral terms.
People really dont understand how languages work. Even brother and man can be gender neutral. If you say "man, whyd you do that" thats gender neutral. Same with dude and guy.