R.I.P.

So sad to hear mark has passed away so soon after his rat-penis transplant.

Let's unpack this.

Do you mean that convicted baby-eater and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who died 17 days ago at the age of 153, had rat's penis transplanted onto him?

Or do you mean that Mark Zuckerberg, sole founding member of Rat Penis Enthusiasts' Quarterly, had a rat transplanted onto his penis?

I'm asking because the details matter in these trying times.
- convicted baby-eater
  
  This is very misleading. Zuckerberg only makes broth out of babies, he does not eat them whole.
- Yes
- No no no. They put his penis on the rat.

In other news, Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital today because of 'a foreign object being lodged in his rectum'. A reliable source mentioned that the billionaire slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes.

An attending physician anonymously commented that the object proved difficult to remove as 'the patient was extremely uptight'.

Further information will be shared as it becomes available.

Was this 'foreign object' a certain social media founder's rat penis?
- I thought it was his head but apparently that has been stuck up there for a while and is a pre existing condition and this was something new
slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes

"It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one"
- "You tried shoving a million potatoes into one hole?"
Elon got pegged once and became a size queen
how much time does a foreign object has to spend in your rectum to cease being foreign and became a permanent resident?

If facts wanted to stay on social media, they should have cared about billionaires' feelings.

He's actually still the president.

It’s Mike Zuckerberg

[Community note: Mark Zuckerberg died due to having his bowel perforated during sexual relations with a horse. The rest, however, is fact.]

But why did he fuck so many?

This is not true. He died of complications following a botched at-home fecal transplant

Sure, if you believe the coroner they bribed to cover up the other stuff.

I'd say we should churn out AI slop ourselves that says all these CEOs are dying from autoeroticasphyxia, but we know they wouldn't actually apply their rules equally.

Right after getting the rat penis transplant. Coincidence?

Careful with your satire, folks. He's got money, and people with money tend to be pretty quick on the "defamation lawsuit" trigger.

Edit: I'm not saying don't. Please do. But be careful about what you say, and where you post it; and probably stay as anonymous as you can when/if you do.

Satire against a public figure has historically been ruled as free speech.

Until the corrupt billionaires pay the corrupt assholes on the supreme court enough to overturn it of course.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We're there. Be careful.
He's welcome to try to get the $200 or so that's in my bank account if he really wants it.
- I hope you get back on your feet soon bro ❤️💰
- Nice humble bragging, "Oh look at me, my bank account is in the positive."
The other 97% of the planet - "Aye go on then you hairy pædo bawsack"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Actual_malice
- Yeah right ok but again, money. And Money creates around it a legality-distortion field.
He's welcome to try, that's not going to fly where I'm from.
- Look at Mr. Fancypants here, living in a place with a functional judiciary
I would love to see him try to launch a lawsuit against me. It would be highly comical.

TIL Facebook is headquartered in Nebraska.

Don’t take anything in this as true, it’s Menlo Park, ca

Edit: actually that’s meta, I’m not clear whether fb has a separate hq

OMG that's awesome. Not enough upvotes for this.

Weird, I could've sworn this exact same joke about Musk when he bought twitter and did the same.

Don’t threaten me with a good time