Ain’t this the truth.
I’m a cis guy who likes to dress feminine around the house, and figured I’d paint my nails sparkly red and green for Christmas. Went into (my very masculine place of) work with them and got a depressing amount of comments asking if I’m gay, or expressing concern that I might be.
My dudes, it’s painted nails. I’m not trying to rail you all. Not least because my standards are far higher.
hell yeah brother 💅
"bUt NoRmAlCy.." Fuck this stupid, perverse idea of normalcy. People should be free to express themselves (as long as theyre not harming anyone ofc), no matter their gender. The freedom of expression is fundamentally programmed into the human nature and must be respected in a free society.
That last paragraph sounds exactly like the words that need to be uttered to them.
Doing those kinds of things at home because they were fun actually led to me realizing I'm genderfluid recently. It's been crazy facing a part of my experience of life that the patriarchal society we live in essentially deprived me of up to this point: knowing how euphoric it feels to let myself want to be pretty and feminine sometimes.
Amen to that, broster.
I’m lucky that my wife is enby and a similar size, so was happy for me to try on some of their clothes. Long story short, Vinted has enabled me to build up a small wardrobe of dresses, skirts, and pretty tops that I wear most evenings. It feels nice to feel pretty.
I’m basically Captain Shakespeare.
It's a strange feeling, to look back on your life and suddenly see how society has crippled you, knowing how terrible it has been for you, and yet being such an essential part of you, you have neither desire to remove it from yourself nor regret.
Only a desire to stop it from happening to anyone else.
This, right here, is why I'm an extremely vigilant mentor for people in my industry. It will eat you alive and take until there's nothing left. Not letting that happen to anyone.
Same stance on parenting: my kids get to be whoever they want to be, and I'm right there with them. The only thing they can't be is an asshole
I wouldn't be able to stand up for others as effectively if I hadn't been at least somewhat hardened by the bullshit and bullying by now.
Unfortunately HTFU is valuable advice in a lot of blue collar spheres. When I give it I typically caveat that it's only a shell, and you have to remember how to take it off.
They tried. Oh, sibling, did they try...
And the worst part is that you're fucked either way. If they manage to get you to murder your own soul, you're a husk. If they don't, you're a pariah.
Living life as a pariah isn't so bad, normal people admire when your principles haven't been cynically beat into the dirt
And it's not just that, it's the feeling of maintained integrity one has for oneself, it's such an honest and healthy kind of pride to have! I kept hearing the adage that "principles can't keep you fed" over and over while growing up. Even during University, and it was a fucking acting school. But having lived both with and without my principles, I'd rather die starving with my principles intact.
I have no use for the acceptance I'd receive from such fearful, hateful and greedy people. Thanks, but I'd rather love life and its infinite diversity.
I was talking more from the perspective of trying to exist within the patriarchal system, healthy cohabitation is functionally impossible. Even if one tries to walk the edge in between, one will only end up with lacerated feet.
EVERYONE needs feminism.
I was taking a history class at my local junior college when the professor asked who in the class identified as a feminist. I'm an old white guy in a class full of kids (finally getting a degree) and was one of only 3 people to raise their hands. He explained that he doesn't since he's for equality for all or some such.
I was honestly shocked to see this 30 something guy who at least sounds fairly progressive, and who has been to some legitimately horrifying parts of the world doing conflict journalism, being blase about this fight.
We can thank Rush Limbaugh for popularizing the concept of a feminazi and poisoning public perception of feminism by purposefully misrepresenting what it stands for.
It's one of the most obvious examples of people successfully using social engineering and manipulation of public opinion for terrible reasons and it still worked. They didnt even try to hide it.
Phylis Schlafly. She cosplayed as a frumpy housewife while turning the wheels behind the scenes to help wed the evangelical movement with the GOP. While basically advocating for women to be chained to the stove. She is one of the greatest political operatives of the 20th century, helping slow and undo SO much social progress.
TIL!! i knew it was a contrived term but i had no clue it was so centered around a single individual in its origins
one of the self defenses of patriarchy is definitely just to misinform people about whom feminism is for, and so oftentimes that’s one of the first hurdles to overcome when discussing feminism. that’s why conservative spheres are often so obsessed with the “man-hating feminazi” stereotype—even though they make up a incredibly marginal subset of “feminist” voices, giving them a platform creates a useful strawman for conservatives to argue for the need of anti-feminism.
I was very lucky insofar as to be raised by a second wave feminist mother (1970s so I think that's the right cadre). She was active in NOW and basically an equal partner to my father in just about all things.
Had I not, I'd like to think I'd have stumbled upon it eventually.
I wish I believed in hell, so Limbaugh could burn for his two faced sophistry for eternity. Then again, he was basically the archetypal prosperity gospel flavor of Christian, so who knows.
As if this is somehow down to "patriarchy"? It takes two to tango! Denying the role of women in the shaping of someone's ability to handle and process emotion is really a disservice to anyone who wants equality between sexes. Blaming others is not the way to change.
when feminists use the word “patriarchy” they mean exactly what you describe here. your misconception of the term is what is getting in your way here—there is no blame to any one, only the structure. highly recommended you read more of bell hooks’ work as she does an excellent job of explaining yours and other misconceptions with a focus on accessibility for a male audience :)
The text: "men make other men feel like shit for having emotions"
This guy: "Wow it's still clearly the women's fault, stop blaming other people"
The jokes just write themselves here.
There is plenty of women who uphold these toxic ideas and reinforce these structures too.
It is wrong to consider "patriarchy" or any other social construct to be the sole responsibility of any one gender, and as long as we are in the blame-game stage, like @Tobberone@lemm.ee still seems to be, it will slow us down.
However i find it important to understand where this could come from. E.g. women, in particular mothers, who have been reinforcing toxic masculinity or femininity could be perceived as the major source for individuals because their mother has been the one reinforcing it. For other people it would be the father or other male figures in their lives, so they consider it to come exclusively from men.
Anectodtically my perception is that there is a problem with showing emotions in front of others in general in western societies, that is reinforcing toxic masculinity, but transcendents "patriarchy" as an issue, as many societies considered more patriarchal allow display of emotions both for women and men more freely.
i dont see where it says is just men meows, cuz women can be patriarchal an support patriarchy too, so saying its patriarchal is more about society as a whole, men and women an evryones really
I highly recommend reading the rest of the book. bell hooks acknowledges the roles that women play in inflicting the harms on boys and men. Reading that book was the most understood I had ever felt as a cis man who until then didn't really know what feminism was about.
Yeah. I think Emma Watson has also said sth similar. Feminism is, in some extent, also about people who identify as men to embrace what they perceive as womanly jobs. Being a socially acceptable stay at home dad will earn you a lot of weird looks and snarky comments questioning your sexuality.
And I understand that that's no where close to the shit that women and people beyond the gender binary experience on a daily basis.
emma watson is lowkey the goat, i should pay more attention to what she puts out :) thanks for sharing
that's what I have been sayinh
Kind of feels like an attempt to be deep that dives so far into analogy that it actually contradicts nuance and becomes shallow instead.
Like if reality were a 5 this quote would represent it as a 10.
"Be a man", "Real men don't cry", "Crybaby", "Man up", "That show is for women", "That sounds super gay"
This is what pop culture tells men to say to other emotionally sensitive men.
Yeah but thats not the self mutilation to kill off all emotions. Thats just denying a subset of actions and interests.
As I said it is exaggerated pretty steeply. There exists naturally manly men, including trans men, who are perfectly fine on an emotional level. To be manly doesn't mean to be a walking husk devoid of all feeling.
Its still a legitimate issue, don't get me wrong, I just find the wording really edgy, possibly slightly cringe.
skill issue, just say you don’t get it bro
everyone should read the will to change by bell hooks
