Good morning I pick the person.

At least you don't have to explain roaches to the cops.

I love these! My favorite one is, “if you were forced to shove a whole pineapple up your ass, as a matter of life and death, would you insert it top or bottom first?”

Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.

The roaches. At least you know their true nature, not surprising to find them there and, in days of high frustration, one can go up and stomp a few for that crunchy sound of bug demise.

Only a hard choice if you've never dealt with roaches. 1000 roaches is enough to convince me that the house would never be free of them ever, roaches are incredible in the way they survive and thrive. Unless you made sure you killed every single last one and their offspring, you ain't getting rid of them.

You can kill one person. You can’t kill 1000 roaches.

I’ve had roaches before. I’d pick the person 10 out of 10 times.

Depends on the person....

person, though a much more difficult encounter it'd probably cost nothing to get them out of there, and the likehood of them coming back is much lower. all it'd take for the roaches to come back is the exterminator missing 2 or 4 of them

You can solve both problems by throwing 5 bug bombs in there

Punctuation exists.

A few hundred dollars will take care of the roach problem

The human is the biggest wild card situation yet and you're immediately going into fight or flight no matter what

Unless the person is there to kill me they win easily

Call police they leave issue solved.

A person, unless the way I found out is they're trying to murder me and/or my family.

as someone that has a person living in their attic ... FOR FREE, RUPERT ... I would say neither.

Um person, absolutely no question.

Person. Charge retroactively for rent

A person because if they've been living in my attic then they must be harmless. Still calling the cops though.

A dead person, preferably - although it would be a little surprising for me as I live in a new-build.

1000 persons.

how friendly is the person?

Easy, roaches. I assume there are already at least 1000 in my attic.

Dead or alive?

But what would happen to the person if they're not in my attic? I wouldn't want them to get run over by a trolley.

1000 roaches? So like... more toys for my cat?

roach squishing noises

Person, easily. 1k roaches means i'm bound to find another 1k all around the house on the following weeks.

Person, easy

If I hadn't noticed them before now, then they're a spectacular neighbor

1000 half burned joints please.

At least I know how to kill the roaches and dispose of the bodies. Plus, no one cares if I kill the roaches.

Roaches don't survive in my climate, bring 'em on. (Also, millennials have no idea what it's like to own a home so what's an "attic"?)

Person

Maybe if it was 10 roaches?

Person otherwise

Do we even know if this person has outside connections?

Maybe I can hire them pennies on the dollar

I would force them to do the work that I loathe doing when I web Dev, repeatedly making pages or posts or whatever, they get a home and wage I get to live happy

Person. Odds are that they’re not as bad as media has been trying to convince us that we are; that said, 1k(⁴) cockroaches can still be managed with enough effort

Roaches, but I suppose enough bug bombs would work either way

Loophole, it doesn't mention if either is alive

If you're living in apartments in a major city, both are already true.

Depends. Are they sexy?