Should you or should you not make friends in your workplace?

Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I've made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.

The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don't want to bothered by it at work.

People are people wherever you meet them.

The other downside is the situation I'm in. I made friends with a bunch of coworkers, then I got promoted to be their boss. Makes for a very strange power dynamic, where I have to code stitch between boss mode and friend mode.

Plus, I've had to fire people who I've been friends with for years. That fucking sucks.
- I turned down a promotion this year for several reasons, one being that i didn’t want to supervise my friends. I didn’t want the awkwardness, and i was afraid my imposter syndrome would get much worse. My friends know too much, haha
- Been there. The worst part is how it sours you going forward. I have rarely made friends at work since then, coworkers or employees, because you never know. Missed out on what could have been good friendships, but it also happened again at another job, so hard to say if it was for the better.

You're spending 40 hours a week with them, why wouldn't you want to have someone to shoot the shit with, or have a lunch buddy etc?

It's a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it's good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.

But that's really just poor wording.

Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.

Just choose wisely, take your time, and don't be too trusting too soon. And don't reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don't know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.

We're ambitious sociopaths, thankyouverymuch.
For real you've got to keep it tight until you really know someone. Don't go telling everyone you smoke weed or something like that. You could do something completely innocent, someone takes it personally, and next thing you know you're up for a random drug test.

But yeah one of the best friends I've ever had is my sometimes coworker.
- Same. A former coworker and I were in two different bands together, and we've stayed in touch over many years. And I'm pretty tight with 2 of my current coworkers, and friendly-chatty with a third.
  
  But I keep everyone else on a low information diet. Especially my boss. He loves to use people's hobbies, personality quirks, etc, against them. Almost anything that isn't "working hard like a professional" is seen as some kind of weakness by that idiot. His only real hobby is 'craft beer'...because of course it is. (Not meant as a slam against people into beer, but my boss thinks that's an entire personality).

One of my longest and closest friends was originally a coworker. It's hard enough making friends as an adult. Don't limit yourself unnecessarily.

Yes, absolutely. Why would you not?

You’re going to see them regularly anyway, so might as well be on friendly terms. Depending on where you work it’s possible or even likely that you’ll share some common interests too.

Yes, you or they will probably leave the company at some point, but that’s no reason not to make friends in the meantime. People come and go all the time; that’s life! If you’re lucky, you’ll make a friendship that survives even if you have to part ways at work. If not, just be happy with the friendship you had for as long as it lasted.

There's a difference between being on friendly terms and being friends. I'm on friendly terms with everyone I work with, I'm not friends with any of them. Even those I've worked with for many years. I'm not at work to make friends or hang out or talk about personal issues. I'll listen politely to whatever a coworker wants to say to me, but if its not about work I'll try to redirect the conversation or end it as politely as possible. For me it's about professionalism; if we're not talking about a work related subject, we are off topic and wasting time. There's also the potential for drama that comes with people at work knowing about your personal life and keeping a strict division between work and home avoids that risk.
- Obviously this is entirely your choice to make, but this all sounds really rigid and restrictive. If you view someone telling you about their weekend as "wasting time," I have to wonder if that mentality cuts into your personal life too. It's totally reasonable to make friends at work. If the concern is that they'd bring your personal drama to work, then just don't involve them in any personal drama and you're gold.

I call it ‘building solidarity’ rather than ‘making friends’. A group of people that don’t like and trust each other are much easier to divide and conquer. But when the communication and trust is there? Then stuff starts to happen.

I think you should, but to a limited degree. It generally makes the work atmosphere better, and it helps pass the time. But be careful about becoming overly invested in those friendships, since one day one of the friends might leave.

This somewhat depends on the work place, though. If there's room for chitchat without a supervisor being bitchy about socializing on the clock, I don't see a problem with it.

One caveat is that being on friendly terms is not the same as being friends. Would they be likely to accept an invitation to do something outside of the workplace?

It's not that I don't like my coworkers, and I do spend some time with them, but I preemptively block them on Facebook to have some safety. I do have them on Instagram but that's 99% pictures of my dogs or maybe vacation so that's harmless, with the odd goofy meme thrown in for good measure. But I do not add them anywhere I might express a political opinion or share something overly personal. (I also use filters on Facebook the odd time I do this). Someone once took a post of mine out of context and took it to my manager who met with me about it and scolded me with threats of discipline even though it actually had nothing to do with work, because this woman was in very deep shit for something else and trying to divert attention to other staff, because she's like that.

Also a couple of my coworkers are sort of passive antivaxxers (in that they got the two doses mandated for work but spend time telling us about how the vaccine doesn't work and we shouldn't be forced, etc), so they are blocked everywhere and I share very little with them at work besides brief remarks. I have also had some bad days in the last year where I have simply said things at home are tough because I'm obviously not myself, but didn't share what. I just keep a healthy distance but am reasonably friendly.

Yeah. You're not going to be friends with everyone from work and over sharing with some people can be a significant problem. You've definitely got to pick the people you want to be friends with.

It unhealthy to seek to establish relationships at work because you or the other person may suddenly be forced to leave. You should have a support network outside of your employer.

That all said, you spend most of your waking hours at work so it's likely you will form friendships and you should celebrate those and try to shift them outside of the workplace to preserve them if employment statuses suddenly change.

The only actual disadvantage of work friends is that those strong relationships can keep you in a position that isn't healthy for you and it makes it more difficult to come to the decision to leave for greener pastures.

The only thing I consider verboten is dating at work. Don't date some from work - never. NEVER.

It's fine to date someone at work, as long as you don't care if you stay employed there. All the possible negatives of a work relationship can be mitigated by leaving the job.

If you absolutely need that job, then no, it's a bad idea.
- It may be fine for you - but when you date someone at work, you run the possibility of making it awful for everyone around you.

My wife was my former coworker, and I couldn't be happier. Do what makes you happy - random internet strangers should have little to no input on your life decisions.

I don't get why anyone would advise to not make friends. If there is a genuine connection, absolutely make friends. You see these people every week, probably just as much as your own family. It would be a disservice to yourself to not bond with these people. Relationships on the other hand, I've seen both happy endings and awkward breakups. I would advise to look for romance elsewhere.

The vast majority of work friends don’t become real friends. Just ask anyone who got fired or laid off how many of their work friends called to check in after they’ve left the company.

It’s not that you shouldn’t pursue friendship on the job it’s just that you shouldn’t invest too much in it or expect a lot from those friendships. A true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for help and they will drop whatever they are doing without a second thought. If you can’t do that with a work friend they are at most an acquaintance+. Of course there might be one or two colleagues who might become a true friend so don’t give up on making friends in the work place but keep your expectations low.

They say this because if you expect your friend to stick their neck out for you, you might get let down (or fired).

The difference is that work friends can and should protect their job first, and their friendship with you second.

So feel free to make friends but don't expect them to behave the same way non-work-friends would.

if a work buddy overhears you tell an off-color joke, they might report you to management if the company has a zero-tolerance policy to protect themselves. they don't want someone else to report and include them in the list of participants. you'd feel betrayed; how could you tell our boss about the joke I told? because you're expecting them to do what a friend would, and cover for you. but they are trying to protect their job. that's why I'd recommend not regarding them as friends, but more like comrades in arms or something.

I'm friends with most people I meet. There are only a few friends that I'm comfortable with in all circumstances, however.

I'm friends with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. It's very different if I were to be invited somewhere outside of work, and is very contextual. Meeting because of our union? Absolutely. Meeting just to hang? Let me get back to you in 6 weeks. Meeting for beers? You said the magic words, see you in the bar 5:30 sharp.

Like most things, I think the answer is a frustrating "depends."

I've made some life long friends through workplaces. I've made workplace friends whom I haven't really ever thought about when I switched jobs.

Maybe the key is tone the relationship to whatever it'd be if you just knew each other through other friends? If you get along but don't super click, a casual friendly work acquaintance is probably right. Do you two really get along, have some shared interests/perspectives etc? Then why be constrained with only kicking it at work?

I've made friendships that have survived leaving the workplace that I met them and I'm happy that I did it.

I've also worked at places where there was nobody that I could really make friends with, so I didn't pursue any lasting friendship.

I'm not going to go out of my way to make every coworker a friend, but I feel like freezing everyone out limits the number of people with whom you can become friends.

Same, if you like someone you work with being friends is cool. If not that's fine too. I've always had a much better time at jobs where I was friends with a few of my coworkers. Currently I don't work with anyone I have any interest in knowing personally and it definitely contributes to the job sucking.

So (in my opinion) you need to first be very clear about your goal... You shouldn't just DO or NOT DO anything really - YOU are the variable that needs to be accounted for.

If you are younger or desperate for social interactions/ friendships, and depending on the type of job, you can often make great friends at/through work. So if that is your priority, this is an opportunity.

But, work friendships come with professional risk. Your managers aren't your friends, that dynamic will betray you if push comes to shove AND that thing you do/say at that party will be considered in your performance review and/or reported to HR. So, if career it your priority, then be pleasant, but leave it at "work friends" no genuine attachments.

But not all work relationships are between managers and direct reports. It would take a lot for me to become a friend with a manager or direct report outside of work. However, it is a lot easier if it is a coworker or someone in a different department.
- I'm not speaking exclusively of relationships with managers. It's all "dangerous" on that side. I say avoid the risk if your social relationships outside of work are otherwise satisfactory. Again, if social connecting becomes your top priority over career, you can push boundaries at work, otherwise I'd say find an excuse to not go out for drinks and generally stay in the "middle" area where people speak about you in vague, but pleasant, terms... Then go home and live your REAL life with close friends, romantic partners and family who actually care for you.
  
  Really, your work ultimately doesn't give a SHIT about you. Everyone would still be expected to clock in tomorrow if you dropped dead tonight. Take the hint and invest the BARE MINIMUM in work.

What do you have to lose by being friends with the people you work with?

There’s a difference between work friends and real friends. The rule I follow is that they get to be real friends only after they or I leave. You don’t want them to know too much for your own good.

Make friends! Enjoy yourself!

Then unionize and protest for better working conditions.

I don't pursue friendships. I let them happen. "How would those happen?" They don't happen.

I followed the advice to not get close to colleagues for the last 10 years or so and regret it. I did it because I thought it'd make work harder when we disagree and I'm balancing friendship vs professionalism. Realistically, all the people I would have been friends with are mature enough to make it a non-issue.

I have started reaching out to some of my ex-colleagues I got on well with but it's very difficult to rebuild the relationship without the daily interactions. However, I have a job at the moment because I have reached out to an ex-colleague just to catch up.

I'd say if you meet someone you like, try to make friends. Jobs will come and go but finding good people to surround yourself with gets much harder as you get older.

It's fine to develop relationships at work and move them into "on good terms" territory if that is viable. It's also fine if it is possible to move those viable work-friendships outside of the work environment to see if they can stand on their own. What is not smart however is to think that work-friendships are real friendships just because "we get along" at work. Most work friendships will drop you like a hot rock if you get fired. It's important to be ready for that to happen even as you see what friendships might be viable.

I've tried to focus more on "being friendly" than "making friends." It's definitely beneficial to be cordial and stay on good terms with people. The last 3 jobs I've gotten have been through networking and direct referrals from old coworkers. I hate bowling but I still accept the invites to the semi-annual charity bowling events at my old workplace because I like catching up with some of the old guys and I want to keep my options open if something open up.

I also think it partly depends on whether you're just punching the clock or if you have career aspirations. I've known plenty of guys who were buddy-buddy with everyone then got promoted to a managerial/leadership position and struggled because they didn't know how to maintain professional distance.

As far as dating at work...after a couple rough experiences in my early 20's I'd say never again. Echo what someone else said, "don't do it at a job you can't afford to walk away from."

I tend to agree, but I’m also a very private person and like to keep my work life separate from my personal life. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with befriending or dating coworkers as long as both parties are able to be appropriately professional at work.

I think it may also depend on the type of job and where you work. I have worked at some places where I felt comfortable making friends and hanging out with coworkers - mostly retail jobs where the work itself was very social and casual.

My job right now is fully remote, so I’m friendly with coworkers, but can’t really hang out in person even if I wanted to.

Of course you should. That's just super weird nonsense advice.

Unless you're a gangster or prostitute.

The phrase I run with: don't shit in your own backyard.

dont get your sugar where you get your bread.

Work friends are great. When you're bored af, and just want to open your mouth and let your neurons fire random bullshit straight to your larynx, who else are you going to giggle with?

I have work colleagues. people I commiserate with on interoffice politics and the like.

I don't have friends.

I'm too old for other peoples bullshit and refuse to change my QoL because "Jerry" decided we're going on a weekend adventure to methtown USA.

between work, home, and hobbies I've got barely enough time to sleep.

My current and only friend is a person I met at work. We spent a good couple hours playing Outlast Trials yesterday, we send gifts to each other (in different states) and she actually came up for my birthday. I have cried and laughed with her, she held my hand when I had to put my cat down. She is the best friend I have ever had, now or previously. But some people are just messy, so there's always a word of caution. Some people just like to be messy, or even sabotage others if they're a real piece of work. It's less about not making friends at work imo, but to be careful when doing so.

I have a personal rule that states I'm there to work, not make friends.

This does not mean I'm openly trying to be hostile or rude towards people but I will hardly consider a work acquaintance any more than that.

You make a really good point. If you don't pursue friendships, how would those happen? I'm going to give this a try.

No. Because the last I wanna think when I'm out work is ANYTHING related with it, that includes people, is already soul stealing enough

I’ve been remote since 2014. Plenty of friends made. Wouldn’t date at work as a general rule, it creates unnecessary risk IMO.

Certainly wouldn’t eg move in with someone I worked with, etc.

Then again, being poly and happily married, risk calculus is part of my mental process before attempting to date a particular person. If it goes south, will they show up naked and screaming on my front lawn in the middle of the night?

Since an angry ex doesn’t have the option of along me look bad to my wife (who also dates), any serious crazy could escalate quickly and creatively. I want nothing to do with that.