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I finally got off anti-depressants only to find out that I've still got some depression apparently. Reminded me of this comic (credit Haus of Decline):
Either way, guess I'm going back on a low dose of anti-depressants. At least my voice training is going ok!
Had a nice long chat with the wife. Basically explaining the story so far, all those obvious-in-hindsight things. Talked about how I want to start HRT, and what that will entail. She's cool with it becoming a same-sex marriage, and went as far as to say "I know you're not the type to fool around, but if you decide you like men instead, that's OK with me".
Since coming out things have been noticeably friendlier (not in a euphemistic way, just actually talking about stuff in a warmer tone). Which is surprising, but I'll take it!
I went to a yearly family event and felt much more comfortable in myself as opposed to last time I went. Wasn't as self conscious and standoffish as I used to be. Gender dysphoria isn't the only thing occupying my mind at all hours now. It's great.
God I feel this so much. The only real free time I get is on train rides to work and back, and even there like 50% of the time I'm flat asleep until I arrive at my stop because I'm sleep deprived.
I know I'm not the one that should be saying this but by now, after several years of doing this, I can say from experience that sleeping 4 h during the day and crashing for 12 h on the weekend really isn't healthy...
Please try to take better care of yourself than I do
damn, that's brutal - it sounds you you need to take care of yourself! 🫂
I started progesterone yesterday and it's already giving me better sleep, allowing me to sleep a little more deeply and longer than before. I had been having trouble even catching up on sleep on the weekend because I was just doing estrogen monotherapy, I would sleep like 6 hours and the body would wake up and I couldn't fall asleep, even if I felt tired.
Seems like it's on an upswing. I've been short on spoons lately which I'm attributing to a combination of work stress and an increase in my E dosage. Toned that back and this week is going better so far.
I'm still hunting for a new job, though. I wanna get out of SRE and into a proper software engineering position.
It's been kinda difficult, I ended up reaching a point that I used the suicide hotline number but the person on the other end was very helpful and I feel a lot better now :3
Life-like. Reorganization leading to my job changing from IT support to... cybersecurity? I think? Not particularly happy about it as I joined this team temporarily to help out, was more or less told I could get out of it at any time, and now it's my full time job and I can no longer go back.