Gendered question, I know. If you don't identify as a man, please feel free to answer with whatever you want. I meant to post it in the Men's Lib sub but somehow it always bugs for me.
Let's spill the tea lads
I like painting my nails.
I like gardening and I take great pride in my plants and upcoming indoor veggie and herb garden.
I dance when I go out.
I like bright colors.
I like candles that smell nice.
I like flowers.
I like Harry Styles.
I like crocheting.
Whatever you like, be proud of it. There is no such thing as liking something unmanly. Nothing can harm your manliness. Do what you want.
I think the term "manly" has been so polluted. I don't think there is nothing "unmanly" with:
Loving nature.
Loving your neighbor (even Jesus said to).
Loving culture (and accepting other's culture).
Showing emotion (except for you narcissists who use this as an excuse for abuse. Fuck you).
Dancing.
Going outside just to feel the wind gently blowing your hair and caressing your face.
We are capable of very complex modes of existing. There is no reason to keep being the same hateful person every day. It takes courage to go out of your confort zone. It takes courage to be a "man". Whatever it is that word means. Love you all. <3
Edit: Guys, are comments like this valuable? On Reddit I felt the need to write this way, but everyone seems so chill here...
We are very chill here. I hope this post can show the new people what Lemmygrad can be as well, a fun and supporting community. There's no need to hide who you are here, so feel free to type whichever way you want.
Alpacas are great. I rented this tiny house in the woods this one time and it had a small animal farm (commie reference) next to it. I woke up next to the alpacas everyday and I had some coffee while they kept eating grass non stop.
Sounds like heaven, you're making me jealous. I used to volunteer in my city's zoo every summer and on lunch break I got to go to the petting zoo for the alpacas.
I probably show a lot more emotion then is stereotypical. I was on swim team in high school. In my heterosexual relationship I was the one that really wanted a child first. If my wife made enough money I would absolutely be a stay at home dad if we needed a stay at home parent (We don't need any parent to stay at home thankfully right now, the way childcare is working out). I go to therapy and actually find it useful. I guess for the typical "male" things I do power lifting (Swoletariat FTW), but I really didn't get into to that until later in life anyway, and I don't follow any of the prototypical lifters.
Bro, therapy is so underrated. Growing up I was made to believe only crazy people needed it. But like, we are not perfect. And talking to someone who was able to call me out on my BS (in a good way) and show me my blindspots was such an eye opener. Would recommend.
I write poetry, garden in the spring and summer, and enjoy the likes of Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, and Tetris; all of which it puzzles me how those games got classified as 'girly'. Like mf, I'd like to see YOU manage a hundred lines at TGM 20G with steadily-rising garbage lines; see how ya do
Poetry is a strange one. I also write some and when I mention it I get the strangest looks and have had some awful responses.
I usually refer them to Akala when I hear the gendered shit. If you haven't heard of him, he's a British rapper. He wrote a great book about race. He works with the Royal Shakespeare Company (I think) and goes around schools putting Shakespeare to a beat and explaining how e.g. Tupac rapped in iambic pentameter. He has videos on YouTube and his Fire in the Booth rap is great.
I want to say keep rhyming, Reggaelater Demoman, but my poems don't always rhyme and yours might not, either. Keep writing!
My problem is I can't not write rhymes; and it didn't always used to be that way. In elementary, thanks to the teacher who passed along that proclivity to the whole damn class, my bestie was always the one who could write fluent, metered bars; and I just sorta e.e. cummings'd my shit. Liked using the formatting of the lines for aesthetic purposes, but never really had a handle for fitting rhymes to how I was feeling.
...Then I started dipping into UK grime(talm like, Kano, Skepta, Dizzee Rascal, Jme, Tempa T, and them), used that as a springboard to start swimming through the kinds of music my family wanted to keep me away from. (Ironically, my own damn culture, or what shoulda been.) On the other side of a crippling clipping, JPEGMAFIA, Saul Williams, and Stormzy addiction, though, all of my stuff comes out rhyming nowadays. My compositition book looks deadass like a backpacker's lmfao
That's always been the thing that confused the fuck out of me. It's almost like if your library isn't exclusively milspec propaganda, mtx-laden rosterbators, and one simulation-standard racing game, you get derided.
I've had a bad case of anhedonia the past few years, so I don't find myself enjoying many things, manly or otherwise. However, I can say some "manly" things I don't like.
I never cared for professional sports. I could maybe get it if the teams actually had ties to the cities they're in, but trading players between teams baffles me. Then you get to fantasy sports, where people basically just track numbers and bet. People tell me sports teams are a great way to find common ground with strangers, but all I can see are brands being used to shove ads in peoples' faces and encourage people to gamble.
Same, all the guys I've met are crazy about sports and FIFA games. When I was in high school, I would skip playing football during Phys Ed and watch what the girls were doing instead.
The only sports games I ever cared for was the stuff that came out under EA BIG. This FIFA, 2k, Madden shit honestly just gets on my nerves, like, I'm not gonna sit here and front like I'm just this flower-loving, herb-growing hippie with a backpacker's composition book-- if I was squadding up with the boys in meatspace, we were playing streetball, or basically modified rugby or smth full-contact and full-friendly-disrespect-- and shit like NBA Street, NFL Street, SSX, it felt like it nailed the fantasy of what we were doing before the streetlights buzzed on.
I miss games like that. Low-realism streetball, super-low-realism skating, honestly; I think our media's fascination, fixation, and bordering-on-fetish for realism has only really amplified the toxic narrow-mindedness those spaces could grow.
I could maybe get it if the teams actually had ties to the cities they’re in, but trading players between teams baffles me.
I think this is probably part of why the only time I follow football is when it's the World Cup or the Euros or something with the national teams like that. Obviously I'm not super into the nationalism aspect of it all, but I guess I just find the concept of managers having to kinda just work with what they've got more appealing than rich clubs just buying up most of the best players.
Olympics are better somewhat since national allegiance is much more stringent, but things like the World Cup, Euros, FIFA suck as the teams are bought and traded basically. Like how Frances team from this past FIFA was basically all made up of players from its colonies and not France.
So many things really. I’ve never had any issue with identifying as a man and have always considered myself straight or whatever but I have also always enjoyed “feminine” things without any shame.
I love dancing, fashion, home decorating, really any sort of “domestic” stuff I can get into like cooking or gardening or whatever. I’ve always been into feminine sorta music artists like Lana Del Rey and what not. I wear lots of pinks and other colors and have some feminine sorta tattoos like butterflies and such.
I’ve also worn a dress and done up my makeup a couple of times which was a fun experience. You definitely appreciate how long it can take women to get ready to go out once you try it all yourself lol. I’m honestly glad society doesn’t expect that sorta thing of me (hair, makeup, nails ect) cause I could easily see myself getting very into it and that shit costs lotta time and money.
I don’t see why any man can’t just enjoy the shit that they are drawn to or interested in.
Tons of things like others have said. Gardening, dancing, fashion, romance, R&B, Opera, growing my hair out, wine, healthy food. I don't really even consider these unmanly, but I know many do for a cis hetero man. Other than choosing clothes that fit my body type, my gender has no influence on the things I do or choices I make.
I like doing skincare and facial scrubs and fancy soaps and such (I do wish it wasn't as tarnished by consumerism but I've got no other alternatives)- and apparently I've gotten too good at it because strangers mistake me for a girl sometimes.
Same. Skincare routine for men is underrated. Skincare after shaving is still skincare, guys. Apply creams, moisturizer, face masks etc. Your skin will thank you.
I have this instinctive distrust of skincare products. On the one hand I can see that they make a difference, but on the other it all feels so marketed and I have difficulty trusting the companies that sell them. Like I sometimes wonder if some of those products are very simple, very accessible chemicals that are cheap to get/make, but with extra smells and a price hike slapped on.
That said, used coffee grounds as a facial scrub <3
Strong agree. I don't know how some people don't do it. My skin is unforgiving, though. I couldn't shave if I didn't moisturise after. Alum block also comes in handy.
I love knitting and sewing. It’s very relaxing and I love seeing what I make! Even better if I do a good enough job to wear it!
I sleep basically every night with a stuffed animal that I received from a very close and important friend. (He’s also pink so it’s even more “unmanly”)
Gardening is so fun! My cucumbers and tomatoes are coming along so well! (My watermelons not so much, only 1 of 4 have survived due to deer)
Cleaning is very fun to me. Seeing things become clean is very rewarding, especially if I’m doing it for someone else close to me.
Cooking is a very high interest of mine! Particularly baking!
Painting my nails is also very fun and I can’t wait to do that more, as that’s sadly a dangerous thing to do where I live.
Kissing other guys. This is either extreme manly in the eyes of the Greeks and Spartans, or extremely unmanly in the current western purview.
I do funny little dances when I hear songs I like playing in the store.
I sleep basically every night with a stuffed animal that I received from a very close and important friend. (He’s also pink so it’s even more “unmanly”)
Okay, I love this; bc my partners have made a habit of getting me plushes related to the games in my library; and right now on my computer desk, there's a Nookling, a Protoss probe, and a crocheted Cacodemon stacked atop each other like a totem pole of programmer's rubber ducks. (I've even used them that way to clear some of my appdev classes.)
fruity cocktails taste the best and usually have higher alcohol percentages than beer or "manly" cocktails. if you wanna get hammered, go with what the high femme gal at the bar is ordering.
I'm old so when I was a teenager the Spice Girls were on top of the charts.
I would blast Spice Girls songs on my stereo and sing along. I don't know how it was around the world but here it was heavily considered "girl music" in the 90s and if anyone from school saw me doing that they would heavily bully me and call me gay or whatever.
Luckily for me I lived very far away from school, and also discovered myself as bisexual 20 years later soooo... call me gay as much as you like. :)
Domestic tasks like cooking, washing dishes, folding laundry. It's something real I can do to make me and my partner's lives keep going smooth, plus they're great opportunities for either podcasts or mindfulness.
This is me lol. My wife and I really don't have gender rolls as a married couple but I ended up being the one that cooks and cleans for the most part. She hates it and I actually like it so maybe she lucked out. 😂
i never saw gardening as something "unmanly", but that might be because i live in a semi-rural area. everybody and their paw-paw gardens, just about. i always paint my nails, and sometimes i'll wear makeup. i see other people mentioning cooking and sewing, but i think that's very dependant on where you're at. my dad, brothers, uncles, male cousins all cook and sew. i always thought it was weird if men couldn't do that; in context of "traditional" Western masculinity, doesn't that mean youre weak and cant provide if you can't cook for your family to keep them fed, or can't fix their clothes to keep them warm? though embroidery is considered feminine, and i like to practice that. i'm really bad at it, but it counts!
Women were forcefully relegated to housework only, so things like cooking and sewing were all that women could do if they didn’t want to go insane or be beat.
So by extension, in many places those tasks are considered unmanly.
Looking at this thread and how all kinds of farming and landscaping in my experience are overwhelmingly male dominated profession it's probably not that extraordinary of an answer - but yeah, plants and gardening are awesome. I'm a big sucker for well built parks and botanical gardens too, not just forrests, meadows and fields.
Idk why but since this spring I really grew to love flowers as well. Still not big on cut, indoor flowers, but flowering bushes, trees and all kinds of plants this time of the year just brighten up your day heaps. They add so much colour, life and smell to even the most boring parts of cities.
I never was big on flowers either until the cities here decided to stop mowing everything and let things grow. Suddenly there were wild flowers everywhere and the insects returned with them. It's cool to see that such a small decision van create so much new life, and flowers are the key factor in this.
No joke a while ago I went to my parents' house for a visit and my brother had this shampoo and body was 2-in1 standing there which had and image of an explosion and flames on it lmao
No joke a while ago I went to my parents' house for a visit and my brother had this shampoo and body wash 2-in-1 standing there which had and image of an explosion and flames on it lmao
Idk what constitutes many and non manly anymore. I guess growing plants and gardening type stuff is not "manly"? I have a lot of amaryllis flowers that bloom every year. I have 4 that I raised from seeds from my very first one. They bloomed a year ago. It takes 3 years of growth minimum before the bloom. They have some huge flowers. I have like 12 different ones now. 4 varieties. The first one is a pure red and I saved it. My mom got it as a gift for Xmas and after it bloomed she just threw the bulb out. I found it and repotted it. It bloomed on valentine's day. I call it my plant GF.
We also have moonflowers that grow all around our house. The local bees love them and I like going out in the evenings mid to late summer when they are all open cause they smell amazing.
I also like fermenting foods. Idk if that's considered not manly or anything but I like it and it's fun to me.
I think a lot of the distinction comes down to marketing.
Things have changed in my lifetime. My granddad, for instance, knew how to sew and was proud of it. He was a soldier and soldiers who can't do art least minor repairs in the field aren't useful. He probably wasn't embroidering flowers on his kit bag but it's the same skill.
I remember wanting to learn to sew in school because of stories like that but almost all the other boys tried their hardest not to enjoy textiles class.
It's still gendered reasoning, but it seems like there used to be gendered reasons to do any hobby but nowadays it's 'just for girls' or 'just for boys'. Immersed in the literature that I read, I'm always shocked to still see things sold in pink for girls and blue for boys.
There seems to be a trend in treating e.g. sewing as useful for snazzing something up or making something decorative. There's less around about e.g. making or fixing clothes. This conveniently lines up with fast fashion. I'll say from experience that although fast fashion doesn't last long due to the quality, applying the right techniques can still make clothes last for years. Come to think of it, I wonder if clothes were ever really 'made to last' or whether previous generations just made things last. Maybe it's a mix of both.
When I was a kid (not that long ago) I remember having a tool kit and asking everyone for spare wood. Toys nowadays are like the Apple universe, where it works once before you have to buy a bespoke expansion kit. I know these things existed when I was a kid but it seems worse now. Then again I also used to take things apart around the house and put them back together so maybe I was just a misfit even then.
Anyway, my point was that there seems to be a connection between:
Dividing hobbies between genders rather than finding gendered ways to sell each hobby to boy, girl, and non-binary consumers (ironically? there has been an attempt to use rainbow flags to sell hobbies to LGBTQIA2S consumers) – removing the skill element and replacing it with mere consumerism.
Single use products and incompatibility between brands.
This suggests a relationship between modern gender norms and conditioning us to buy as many products as possible without ever repairing them. I'm unsure if this clarifies the difficulty in working out what hobbies are for which gender. But it seems to be confusing because we're getting mixed messages from the production side of things.
That's the thing with this post: there is no such thing as a manly interest. But society teaches a lot of young men that it is really important to have these so called 'manly interests' like violence, sports, appearing tough etc. And when you don't fit into these categories, you can get abuse from other men or society in general.
My post was meant as a way to connect with others and to see that everyone has a vast variety of interests and that there is no shame in liking things that aren't what I mentioned above.
Considering Thermodynamics, Quantum Mechanics, Statistics, Symmetry Groups, Differential Geometry, and General Relativity, I have spent at least 6 semesters obsessing over things that are warm, small, fuzzy, round, smooth, and bouncy, respectively
Talking about my feelings, gardening and taking care of kids. I am much softer/sweeter towards children and pets than my girlfriend anyway, which many people find strange or uneasy.
I love gardening. Not sure it's unmanly but maybe you're doing it different to me. I use lots of gravel, huge rocks, and power tools. No greenery to use them on, but they make a fantastic engine sound to disturb the neighbours and emit lovely fragrances of diesel fumes.
Really, though, a hand push mower changed my life and the cornflowers and sunflowers are growing nicely this year. I think I have a few China astors growing but I might've planted them too late. Coriander, basil, and mint have germinated on the kitchen windowsill nicely.
And the rose bush! I read that they can take a cutting and when they're cut will determine whether they grow big or grow flowers. Stems that grow from a cutting this year will just grow big. Stems that grow through winter because they're cut at the end of this year's flowering will flower next year. This bush had about 6 flowers on last year. This year, it has 20+ and lots of buds about to come through. They are thirsty, though, and I've been cheekily using a little rose feed.
The same food has brought into bloom some lavender plants, which I rescued last autumn.
What do you crochet? I've always loved embroidery but want to try some crochet. I bought an embroidery book from a charity shop. It's an encyclopedia with stitches, patterns, examples. It's from the sixties and the examples are fantastic. I'm saving up for a sewing machine and plan to make a few things from the book, then embroider some of the patterns on what I make. It can all be done by hand, but things like quilting will be much quicker and smoother with a machine, I'm hoping.
So far I crocheted (?) a bookmark lol. I don't have much time to do it. My gf is making me a shirt for the summer though. She's already made bags, hats and skirts and I admire her skills. Her word is that it's easier and faster than knitting and you can make some cool things with it as well, in a pretty decent pace.
Plus, crocheted items are the cool thing to wear right now apparently. I encourage everyone to try it for themselves, though, to see how much effort is needed to make a shirt or a hat. Since crocheting can only be done by hand AFAIK you can put into perspective how much H&M underpays their workers when you buy a 10 euro crocheted shirt.
That sounds like a good place to start as I'd always use a bookmark.
Since crocheting can only be done by hand AFAIK you can put into perspective how much H&M underpays their workers when you buy a 10 euro crocheted shirt.
The idea of bringing something into fashion that is so labour intensive and exploitative is just… smh
My girlfriend recently got me into RuPaul’s Drag Race and I've been loving it. Never thought I would like it (still working on unlearning my misogynist/patriarchal upbringing…) but we’ve been binging a bunch of seasons of it. Literally spend half the episodes crying and the other half laughing pretty much. It’s so much fun and so emotional.
Got tickets to my first drag show in a couple months too so super excited for that!
I also love painting my nails as well as the occasional eyeliner 💅
For nail polish I don't even get harassed by strangers. That only occurs because of my overall "emo" aesthetic :/
Also my teacher deadass asked me how it came that I read a girls book after my book presentation. I didn't even know it was a girls book like it wasn't written anywhere😭😭 (I may have autism)
Since many have pointed out that gardening may also be considered "unmanly": I also love that as well as plants, nature and botanical gardens