Ever since I came out to my wife and kids, and started being myself, my personality has changed, a lot. I'm more extroverted, weirdly enough. I've been a bit sharper with the kids, not in a mean way, but, more of a no-nonsense kinda way. I used to walk around the house naked all the time, but now I feel compelled to cover up. I blame a disconnect with my body on that one.
I feel more confident to just, go up and talk to people, ask if I can take their picture. I can make posts without second-guessing myself and deleting them.
I know it's all just me finally getting in touch with myself, but it feels weird, even to me. I used to be this demure, quiet, self conscious girl, but now that I'm letting her out, she refuses to go back into the box. It's like a seal was broken. I'm having anxiety about going to my nephews birthday party, cuz I'm not out to that part of my family, and most of them are fundamental Christians.
I did manage to talk to one of my brothers today, and he accepts me, though he has some bias. Basically told me if it was anyone else, he wouldn't be so willing. So I have some work to do there. Or not, if I can't help him see people as people.
Remember, everyone, not just the trans community: You are loved. You are valid. It's okay for you to be you.
Yeah, it was just my body. I think.... I truly had no association with my man-body. It... Wasn't mine? If that makes sense. I didn't care what happened to it. But, for example, I was making hot dogs yesterday. Good ones, not that rubbery shit. Some of the hot dog juice from the packet landed on my arms, chest, and shirt as I threw away the packaging.
I.
Freaked.
Out.
I was just about crying in the bathroom because I didn't have a shirt I felt comfortable in, and I WAS NOT gonna put on one of my old shirts, or walk around topless. I am so self conscious now, I wouldn't dream of it. I can barely get into bed without being covered now. (I sleep naked. I might change that soon though 😭 Sandpaper skin suuuucks) But, yeah, I guess I always thought of it as "his" body and not mine, you know?
Kinda surprised so many people here are alarmed that you were naked in your own home. I mean yeah, if you're a nudist and in the buff all day every day that's a problem, but it should be natural for kids to see naked bodies sometimes.
I sleep naked in my bed, or will walk back to the bedroom before taking a shower if I forgot my towel. I don't hang around and chit chat with my dick hanging out, but kids need to see that people aren't ashamed of their own bodies.
Yeah, that was about the extent of it. Walk to the fridge in the buff at midnight to get a drink for the wifey, or basically other "between clothes" bits. It's not like I was flopping around 24/7. Hanging out, watching TV, playing games, eating, w/e I was clothed. I'm not a prude, but I'm not a weirdo either
I’ve noticed similar but different. For me it’s like, I don’t have to feel trapped expressing myself with the limited tools I had as a male. I don’t have anything to prove to them, or I guess myself anymore. It feels like I don’t have to ‘perform’ anymore.
I still slip into some of my old habits, like striking a nerve or stubbing your toe, it’s hard for me to not react too “over the top”, but Its been a lot easier for me to catch myself.
There’s been more acceptance of other people and a better sense of empathy.
My sense of misanthropy I used as a safety blanket and defense mechanism is slowly falling away.
I used to absolutely hate pop music, I didn’t really know why, it feels like religious repression now. It’s like a part of the membrane that kept me separate and jaded is thinning, and I actually find that I like a lot of things that I used to just have knee jerk hatred for.
It’s been weird deconstructing the defense mechanisms I made for myself in a less safe place and time and trying to figure out WHY they got built in the first place.
I never understood why I wasn’t one of the guys but could ‘never’ be one of the girls, so I just kinda threw everything out with the bath water and burnt all the bridges “that’s fine your music is shit anyways 💅”.
I became more extroverted. More social, more outgoing. Being able to be myself is delightful, and my old quiet bookish persona doesn't fit me anymore.
I would expect significant change to be normal, mostly expressing ourselves in ways that didn't feel right before or ways werl didn't allow ourselves to in the past.
I don’t think my personality changed that much, more of I finally started to let others see the “real” me, instead of purposefully constantly doing/saying the opposite of what I actually thought or felt because I felt it hid my feminine personality more. I guess to other people I might seem like a different person. I totally got the “she’s out and she’s never going back” vibe though.
Good luck with your family. I’ve recently had to cut off all contact with my brother after thinking he was supportive but awkward since I came out to my family 2 years ago
Kinda surprised so many people here are alarmed that you were naked in your own home. I mean yeah, if you're a nudist and in the buff all day every day that's a problem, but it should be natural for kids to see naked bodies sometimes.
I sleep naked in my bed, or will walk back to the bedroom before taking a shower if I forgot my towel. I don't hang around and chit chat with my dick hanging out, but kids need to see that people aren't ashamed of their own bodies.
Once I stopped suppressing my natural personality, for sure I started to get this almost irresistible confidence. Not irresistible to others like some YA fanfic, but almost irresistible to myself, where I felt I could fall easily into a trap of letting myself believe my confidence meant a lot of things it did not. It was difficult to stay grounded, and my fear was that if I did not fully appreciate the people around me I would come across as arrogant.
Because it was the first time in my life feeling this self assured, it could be easy to get carried away, it felt like elation, either a manic episode or taking mdma. Clouded my judgement, like me being trans was the only important thing in the world. Huge boost to the confidence though.
What my confidence did mean:
… that I was proud of myself for overcoming a struggle I carried for a long time.
What my confidence did NOT mean, but was really tempting to allow myself to believe:
… that I could do nothing wrong. As excited as I was for myself, focussing purely on my own needs and achievements meant I inadvertently neglected the needs of other people around me, people who deserved my love and affection. That was wrong
… That I achieved what I did alone …even though I was not out to many people (or anyone at all for the first 17 years of working on myself), the compassion of everyone who did know throughout the years and the kind people who boosted me without knowing I’m trans, just by being nice people, all contributed to my mental wellbeing.
… that I did not owe anybody an explanation, or owe them gratitude. Life is very limited if you are trans and things cis people take for granted are not guaranteed for us. That said it’s so easy to get hyper focussed and myopic to only your perspective. I did too often on my journey and hurt others by expecting them to know what I was going through. It’s hard to see the wood from the trees sometimes.
To avoid conflict from this, always try to give other people the benefit of the doubt to begin with. Assume they are chatting about your identity or trans related issues in good faith. If they repeatedly show themselves to deliberately make the same mistakes step back but otherwise try exercise patience
… That I did not have to work hard for recognition, and should instead step down a gear, because somehow that the world owed me something. Nobody owed me anything. I had always strived to make myself better. I want to earn peoples respect for what I do. My mission is that when people find out I’m trans I want them to have more respect for trans people as a whole.
That’s not to say I’m more deserving of respect than other trans people I’m not. Every trans person I’ve met has admirable traits im envious of. But I certainly feel more deserving of respect than the false caricature of a trans person that is painted by the media, and im more of a show don’t tell kind of gal when it comes to dismantling stereotypes
Personality change might be a good thing but that depends on the effect it has on you AND other people. Talk to your family, ask them have they noticed any changes and what they think of them.
Practice active listening and forced humility to the ones you love until it becomes second nature. People like to hear: “I hope I can be a good enough mom for you guys, I feel being a dad held me back… let me know what you like and don’t like and we can try work on it together” rather than “ you guys gotta get used to me being your mom now, you might notice some changes but that’s how it’s going to be, like it or not you gotta suck it up.” The latter fosters resentment not respect.
And remember, trans or not it’s always good practice to check in with yourself and try ground yourself when you notice any changes.
Oh I've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. To a fault, even. I've been trying to keep a level head. You are right. Finding who I am, bringing her out of that cold, dark cell, it's intoxicating. Thankfully, the wife and kids are around to help keep me in check.
Unfortunately, too, I think I've unlocked a new set of neuroses. I'm worried I'm obsessing too much about my body hair, and I'm worried I've not been feeding myself right. Then again, old me was known to binge eat when stressed, so maybe I've cut that out since I'm me now? Gosh, this stuff is so hard to put into words. I feel like I need to invent whole new words to describe how I feel.
Mine hasn't been extreme, but I feel like once I got over the label avoidance hump and decided "back up and just observe and see how you feel" it's like some internal criticizing and "correcting" behaviors subconsciously lowered or went away and suddenly didn't feel weird about certain things anymore and feel like some mannerism changed a bit. I can't think of any examples atm but I feel like other things changed as well. I've attributed it to whatever inhibition I had in one are that lowered may have changed others near it.
But also I still fear coming out and not super confident in who I am so I may still be fighting things without realizing it more than I think I am.
Respectfully, I don't tell you how to live your life, so please don't tell me how to live mine. In many, many cultures, the human body isn't immediately sexualized and nudity is common, or at least not looked at with disdain. Part of my thought process is that the human body isn't shameful. Even in "civilized" culture, first world countries, whatever you want to call it, plenty of countries have much more lax viewpoints than puritanical America. Nude beaches for example, arent sex crazed erection centrals. People have often sexualized breasts, but there's that whole "free the nip" and equality for walking around topless. The human body isn't something that is inherently shameful.