How do you live as an autistic?

It's hard to answer your question without proper context.

I live functionally with a partner from the outside looking in. I have a job and I pay my bills mostly on time. I have a lot of debt just like the average American, and I'm one or two bad days away from losing my sanity/livelihood. I go to work every day to a job that I don't enjoy to barely scrape by my bills. So in that case, no different from a neurotypical.

I do have sensory issues, a history of trauma from being undiagnosed and a lack of support, and I have days where I'd rather not be alive. Some days I have to go full throttle on a quarter-tank of gas. Some days I'm in stop-and-go traffic with a sports car. My house is cluttered, my laundry hamper is full, and I've had dishes in the sink for days. My animals eat better than I do, and I am in no way shape, or form ready to have a child.

I'm obsessed with things to a fault and will dive deeply to 100% understand and master the things I am interested in. This will come at the expense of executive functioning. I am not interested in what is in mainstream media or news, and can barely hold a conversation in my office past the 2-minute mark.

I was good in school, and somehow decent at a sport (until I couldn't deal with it anymore and had a breakdown). I loved undergrad and thrived in structure and freedom from an unsupportive family. I did great until I lost interest and hope and had a breakdown, never finishing grad school.

I've hopped from job to job as I couldn't keep one steady that I liked. I was either mistreated, overworked, or severely underpaid, all while being socially “different” from people. Trust me, I can mask up a storm, but that doesn't mean my responses are always “socially appropriate.” Years of cynicism brought that about.

Then I read more, studied more, have an ND partner who didn't tell me she “knew” I was autistic, but treated me in a way that fit my puzzle pieces. Some therapy, advocating for myself with my PCP for some referrals, medical debt, and 27 years of trauma later? I'm diagnosed as an adult with Autism and ADHD, and the only support I have is other autistic people on Lemmy, Facebook, and local people I can pinpoint have it. That and some different medicines I'll probably be on for life with an increasing tolerance as I get older and adapt.

All in all, I'm fine

We are human. Same as you (I assume)

For a long time I wasn't sure, but it turns out we aren't actually artificial alien constructs sent here to try to understand humans.
Although sometimes it still feels that way.

To deal with the hunger I mostly feed on small rodents, birds, particularly annoying dogs and grapes.

On a serious note, what are you actually asking for here? Can you provide more details about what conversation you are trying to start?

as an autistic

I feel like this phrasing is questionable lol

Fine.

Job, hobbies, spouse, 3 kids, 1 cat, house, car. Size 42 shoes.

Well, just the same as everyone else :)

No, seriously: I personally see my autistic traits as a strength and weakness at the same time. Often these traits are incredibly beneficial to me (e.g. how deep I can dive into topics, and that I love working on them and researching them deeply), but also they can be hindering (e.g. how to interact in social situations and/or regulate sensory overload).

For me, a diagnosis provided the framework to sort my life into. I don't have to fake anymore that I'm ND, and frankly speaking I notice myself masking far leas than before. I am learning how to put up boundaries for myself - e.g. how much stuff I do per day, or how much time I see my friends. A diagnosis thus gives me the certainly that it isn't because I'm dumb, I'm just different.

I am in the process of learning how to make my surroundings so that I can flourish. It doesn't mean subjecting people to my will, but instead choosing the people and surroundings which will make me feel good and who will have fun with me. I think for me personally, it helps to recognize that I'm not normal in the sense that I have a different "neuronal code" than the rest of humanity. I'm not good in group social interaction, or dealing with sensory overload, or managing my time. But other humans don't get excited when they see a crow or know stuff about the fall of the Western Roman Empire. So I try to associate myself with people who love crows and the Roman Empire, and less so with people who love going to parties and doing lots of sensory stuff. I think these people are cool, they're just... Different, yk?

Don't get me wrong, it isn't easy in the common sense. I, just like a lot of us autistic people, struggle with mental health and self-worth. But overall, I'd say life is pretty okayish. Lots of cool stuff, lots of bad stuff, and a bit of neutral thrown in between.

Same as everyone else, one leg at a time

Certain things are hard, but others aren't. I find some things easy that my allistic friends and family find very difficult.

I found a special interest that I could turn into a successful career (computers). The hard part now is work/life balance. Not because my employer is pushing me to work long hours (they're very good about limited hours), but because the lines between my work and my hobby are blurry at best. The very stuff I do at work enables part of my hobby, and more often than is probably really good for me, my hobby work makes my work-work more productive. (In fact, this hobby was what provided me the expertise to get my current dream job, far more so than my university education and my previous jobs.)

Relationships, on the other hand, have historically been very hard for me, because I communicate very differently from most of my partners. My current partner is also autistic, and this has allowed a type of communication even quite early into the relationship that I never had before. It's still early days, but the type of care she shows me is something I've not received before, and this morning I needed a moment to recover from being overwhelmed by the good feelings - something that previous partners would have found off-putting, but which my current partner found to be adorable and romantic.

It's not like there aren't struggles. I went through years where I was genuinely miserable and didn't know why. In the end I had to leave my comfort zone to even find out what needed changing. It's hard. But it can be so rewarding.

What else can I do?

I don't have an official diagnosis, but I have exhibited enough traits to think I am, even if I am probably on the higher functioning end.

I work in an industry with a lot of autistic people. In this industry, I'm a social butterfly while I'm not that outgoing otherwise.

I've learned how to be funny, which has helped. A lot of it involves word play/puns, making the right types of references, and being pedantic just enough to not be annoying. I've learned how others express frustration this way.

I've gotten to learn language with the concepts of denotation and connotation. Something is said, but there is a hidden meaning that I try to process. Part of that includes trying to process official documents from the point of view of someone unable to know some of the words or seem willing to misinterpret what I say.

My home is a mess. My finances are ok because my chasing of toys gets compensated by me living in a place far below my means and being ok with it.

I like certain kinds of novel experiences, which is a benefit when I get thrown into unfamiliar scenarios.

At home with my parents in a co-living space relationship.
Pay my part of rent, cook on thr ocassion and go to work full time.
Visit a therapist , get my medication

Mentally itself I am okayish but the there or some downers at times.

I'm fortunate in that it doesn't effect the critical parts of my life very much, I just don't have any friends. And I can't work anywhere that social engagement with my coworkers is required, because I will fuck it up.

Now the ADHD on the other hand...

Mostly trapped in my own mind, focusing on details that don't matter to others and oblivious to the ones that do, struggling to understand what they're trying to communicate and reciprocate in kind.