I know the more I make, more people expect me to just pay for everything because 'I make so much'.
Ive had people demand I pay for their vacation (flight and hotel)...just because.
Oh they have a car issue "Can I pay you back later?" (They never pay back)
"Im a little short for groceries, I need food!" (Proceed to buy junk food and high quality produce they never get with their money) (And again Im an ass if I ask to be paid back, cause what I expect them to STARVE!!)
Oh shit, they dont have money for rent, how many times Ive gotten this one. Just 50, 100,150,200,250...and keep slowly creeping up. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WONT PAY IT,ILL BE HOMELESS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
Even had my neighbor demand (not ask, demand!) I pay for their car cause theyre 3 months behind and its about to be repo'd, and itll be MY FAULT! (with them yelling at me on my porch).
I know I had to stop being nice about lending, cause everyone else never wanted to stop 'asking'. So yeah, I cant give an inch or people will just go for the full mile.
I find it to be the opposite, I make enough that I haven't checked my bank account while making a purchase in a long time.
My friends are almost offended when I offer to cover dinners and nights out. I'm not trying to show off with my buddies, I just know $400-500 isn't a lot to me and for them it's a week's pay but I really like hanging out with them.
So I try to compromise in that I'll cover dinner if they cover bowling or something like that.
How the hell do these people know how much you make?
Fuck's sake, I don't make $450k but my neighbor doesn't ask me for shit because he has no idea what kind of money I make in the first place.
Either you live in the wrong neighborhood or maybe you need to keep your mouth shut? idfk lol
The more I make... Well nothing changes.
We have helped friends out on various occasions to varying degrees.
Nobody demands shit from us let alone asks. Ok well, asking to donate to a school thing maybe.
Idk what kind of weirdos surround you but that sucks. Do you live in a gold plated house in the suburbs or something? Or are the matching Bentleys in the garage tipping them off? :)
They don't expect you to pay for everything. Everyone who knows people like that also knows that they'll easily get the money they need elsewhere.
It's honestly kinda sad that people like you, who seem to be generally generous and willing to help out, get driven towards this mindset.
I'm pretty sure more than half of the money I give to beggars occasionally will be spent on booze and drugs, but I don't really care. But when I do it I am the one who makes the decision to basically throw away my money. Plus if I lend someone money I consider it gone forever. But I never let someone guilt trip me into lending them money and I will aggressively call anyone out who tries. You seem to have a ton of really shitty people around you. Take care.
When I have had money, I made loans to people, with the knowledge that I might not get paid back, and if I wasn't, well, generally the amounts were little enough that that one time cost of letting someone test themselves on repayment wasn't that high. If it had been a constant thing, like you seem to be having, I don't know that I could have kept that up. At the very least, I've been cutting out a lot of people over time. Sucks that you've been having to deal with that.
Yeah I worked a call centre when I was renting a flat with five other folks in the kind of bohemian part of town, and having even a shitty full time job put me in the position of being "the guy with money" and yeah if I had it to give I'd give, or at least share my peanut butter.
Anyway that's all to say that what you're talking about is real: if you're in the money (even by a bit) and you start tracking everyone who owes you and ringing them up, you'll make yourself crazy.
Sounds like a call to up the quality of peeps in your life?
you are surprisingly good at typing with your dick
Hunting and pricking?
You should never have spoken about your income or shown ostentatious purchases. Your problem is of own doing and is also related to the people you consort with.
This I can agree with. Started when I found out a friends wife needed surgery (not life threatening, but would remove a cronic pain from her life and she could start working again, big QoL improvement). They couldnt afford the upfront payments, so they were going to not going to do it. So I forwarded him the money so she could have it done, hes been good about paying me back, it is very very slow, but hes working at it so no worries. Wife mentioned to her/our friends how I helped, and it just went from there.
I should have known better and just let her suffer.
This is why you can never tell anyone if you receive an inheritance or a lotto win.
My dad had some great advice on this: if you lend money to a friend, never expect it back. That is, don't give more than you can afford as a gift. If they get it back to you (which they usually will), well that's a nice surprise. And if they don't, well that's a small price to pay to learn where you stack up in someone else's priorities.
Your situation sounds exceptional though. I honestly have a hard time believing it. Are you just walking around with a diamond came and cash bulging out of your cargo pants? Wtf, why are so many people (acquaintances even??) hitting you up?
It sounds unreal.
In any case I bet you wouldn't expect an actual friend to keep a back and forth ledger of petty expenses with you.
Setup:
- Good income
- Low cost of living area
- Dont live my wage
Result: Plenty of savings and investments
When people in a poor area who litterally dont have $50 in their bank account see you with 2 vehicles in the driveway (nothing fancy, just a car and truck) and do various projects to improve on your home, its not hard to put 2+2 together.
And when youve helped out friends in the past, they like to talk about how much you helped them.
And now youre a target.
Fucking this...
For some people at least, they get into the habit of being poor and it's a hard habit to break. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't change your mindset.
Honestly I think paying for other people's stuff is the mentality of being poor. People without money help each other out because we know that our support network is other people, not our income.
Absolutely, they can't afford to insulate themselves behind a wall of money. And recognise community will there for them even when the paycheques dry up or the rents go up.
Money is a way to get someone else to do something for you that they wouldn't normally do for you, without really having to think of their needs or real reciprocation.
Got an uncle like that, my father had to go work around where he lives for two weeks so he stayed at his place and he sent him a bill for the difference in his electric bill for that period compared to usual. The man is a retired engineer that used to own his own firm that is a major player around here...
Baristas are making $20/hr now? Shit, I may have to go back to slinging lattes. I was making a little over minimum when I was working at coffee shops 20 years ago.
I live in a pretty LCOL area and I feel like 20 dollars an hour is the least you have to make to rent a studio apartment and live on your own. I make about that and barely afford rent on a townhouse with 2 other people. It feels like 20 dollars an hour, nowadays, is somewhat equivalent to 8 dollars an hour, twenty years ago. Its sad, but it doesn't feel like a good wage anymore.
In my part of the US $20/hr is enough to rent a one bedroom apartment and subsist on lentils
Denver has a minimum wage of $15/hr now, and you're def not living comfortably on that.
$450k is pretty far from an average salary for a software engineer, too.
With inflation, $20 today is $12 in 2004
Probably 20$/hr including tips
Your choice of friends is a continuous choice.
Thinking your friend group is an encapsulation of society as a whole is your ignorance on display.
I'm in an industry where pay bands are public and everyone knows who makes what.
The easiest way to find out who's a cheap fuck is to offer up and buy a round of coffee. Nine times out of ten, you'll get a coffee back next time they're swinging by. Happy days.
Even for the one in ten, it's not a deal-breaker. If my round comes round again, then yeah everyone gets offered. Nine times out of ten, you'll get one offered back.
If someone either doesn't collar me privately and say "hey thanks for the coffee but don't expect one back" or "sorry man, I don't feel comfortable doing rounds" then that's absolutely cool, I qint here to judge reasons - but if you take two coffees and offer fuck all, then that's a cheap and easy way of finding out who's not the giving kind. Even if someone was brave enough to say "dude I can't afford a round" then I'd happily say "pipe down, these are on me then".
I don't judge them. I just don't offer a coffee in future.
You need to stop buying 9 or 10 rounds of coffee. That's hundreds of dollars. Buy better beans once and make 10 pots instead. Or get an espresso machine if you need to. It's super easy, and more fun.
Honestly I'd love to have some logical, economic, or entertaining argument to debate you but I don't have one - you're right.
Problem is, we need to make 24/7 coverage of this task and honestly some people are just minging - we've come in to coffee pots with mould on the surface, and as much as I'm willing to become one with nature, that ain't tickling my fancy.
We are however lucky enough to have an indie coffee shop in our local town so at least our pennies are going to a decent pocket, and in fairness the owner is a lovely bloke so I'm quite happy to plan my mortgage payments around him.
Point taken though, I appreciate it 😁
You'll judge people for not wanting to drop a bunch of money on coffee for everyone? Just your own quiet expectations? Honestly kinda fucked up. You say you don't judge but you literally do
I started a new job in a secure building (I thought).
Coffee was crap so i brought in my Chemex pour over coffee maker. Made a pot and shared with my team often.
3 weeks in someone stole my Chemex off of my desk (I left it there).
No one offered anything to me even tho I've made them hundreds of dollars worth of coffee. And i didnt ask or hold it against them.
I was being nice. I didn't have an agenda or test people. I lost my chemex. Shit happens. I bought a new one and kept it in my desk. Still kept making coffee for the fellas.
This reads like a highschool math book excercise.
450k? How does that happen?
Higher tiers engineering in FAANG.
Investing or something probably
It's amazing how much you can spend on small things when you don't make enough to afford rent so you don't have rent to pay.
I'm not sure what you mean by this? Are you implying they live with their parents or couch surf or something?
I mean, when i was broke money questions were a lot simpler because it was never "do I pick food, electricity or rent?", it was "once I pay rent, do I eat ramen in the dark or do I go to bed hungry in the dark?"
I see you everywhere...
I sincerely hope that I never EVER become that stingy about money...
I have a friend like that. He'll invite me out for a coffee date "my treat" he says, then at the end when I thank him for the treat he'll be like "no problem, now I only owe you 5.35." He'll pull the same kind of thing when I owe him.
It's like, bud, you think I'm keeping track of these pennies?? We've known each other before we had body hair. I love this man, he's my best friend, and he's got this involuntary ledger going rofl.
Some people just can't switch it off. It's exhausting. Just let it flow back and forth, you know?
A bit silly comparing hourly wage to yearly wage. The barista just needs to work 22500 hours a year to earn the same... that's not even three times the amount of hours in a year.
Nothing wrong with keeping an eye on your spendings, but stinginess is a trait of character I absolutely despise. And I say that as someone who's had little money for most of their adult life.
If you're making 450k in IT, it's not because you make the best coffee. Bait content
You missed the point of the post.
Ever hear of hyperbole?
Hook me up with your friend’s employer frfr 🤣
