I believe i can self-host a matrix client but no idea how well it will work with people currently having notifications by discord bot on their phone
In my opinion discord is not yet enshittified enough for these problems to be easily solved. Give it a couple more years, if matrix gains just a bit more traction, the scaffolding to do stuff like that will be worked out.
No, people just don't want to learn anything. They want everything to stay the same and never make compromises. No there is never a drop in one to one replacement for Discord or Windows or whatever else.
Sadly, no. I managed to bring a friend on Signal after years, 3 monthes later they asked me if it's ok if we talk on WhatsApp because it's too bothersome to use two different apps.
It's still in beta and audio appears to not always work when streaming. Though, there's recent activity on the related issues, so hopefully it gets out of beta before Discord alienates the regular user.
I tested it a few days ago and besides the audio problem it appears to work very well.
I signed up with Matrix and it was not seamless but maybe a private server would be great and they could go from there (but that feels like a long term commitment to supporting those users). I haven't really played much with it. Tried getting the folks in my discord server to give it a try but they haven't and they are tech folks. I would say it's not ready for normies, but I really wish it was.
I still have it installed on my phone, but I don't really have anywhere interesting to go. Same with Signal TBH—it's installed but no one I know uses it. Still waiting on my invite from the Secretary of Defense.