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Relationship Advice @lemmy.world Djfok43 @lemmy.world

I feel totally stuck in life and like there isn't anything for me in the future

I'm in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.

I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.

I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I've ever met in my life. I don't understand how it's possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn't just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.

Unfortunately I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.

I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It's like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?

Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he's a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it's not just me.

I really don't know what to do other than cry about losing him. I've tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?

My life hasn't gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.

Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn't real, because ultimately he clearly didn't feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.

This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven't even come close to meeting someone like him so they can't relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won't even get the chance to meet.

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  • I'm just going to add my voice.

    You likely have been very much programmed to think of this one true love bullshit. It's romantic feel-good stuff that sells books and TV shows and other media, but it's not the reality. It's a fantasy.

    You are this, and even more, compatible with a plethora of people. There are a lot of people you could love like you loved this person.

    The only thing stopping you from feeling this again is yourself. If you want to believe that there is no one as amazing as your old flame out there, then that is how it is. Your belief in this makes it true. Because as long as you believe this, you will eternally focus on all the ways the new person is not the same as the guy you loved, instead of appreciating the new person for the different features they have.

    As soon as you stop believing that guy is the best ever and no one can ever compare, that is when you will find someone new who you think is as amazing. Not a single moment before, you simply couldn't even recognize it.

    In the meantime... Another thing everyone has said is that it is actually possible to be completely content by yourself. You don't actually need any romantic partner to be happy. It's the same as above: as long as you believe that you'll never be happy if you don't find someone as amazing as that guy, then that's how it will be, you will be unhappy. But as soon as you believe that you can be happy by yourself, that's when you will actually be happy alone. It is actually that simple. I'm sure there are things you love to do that don't involve a romantic partner. You can do these indefinitely and stay happy. As long as you believe that you can.

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