Damn that's horrible - yeah definitely take care of yourself, which I say in part bc we love seeing your content here, but for many other reasons as well! ☺️
Keep trying. Self advocating is important, but growing up, I (and probably you) were taught that loyalty to company, hard work, and blending in was ah that mattered and that you would be taken care of. That's all BS, but it's hard to break that thought process. It takes time, and confidence (which is also very hard).