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US Centric Answer:
Somewhere in between.
Somewhere there is still a downtown, the arts, interesting things to do.
But also, just not to massive. I don't want actual skyscrapers. 6 stories is tall enough for me.
There's only a handful of US cities like this, that straddle the line between having big city amenities and small town charm where it feels like you know a bunch of the locals.
What are some places in the US that would fit this description? I'm guessing maybe something like Burlington, VT?
A lot of big state university towns that are not part of major metros probably fit this. They are going to have a lot of amenities due to the university.
They can definitely fit this, and are my preferred town type. I grew up and spent most my life around college towns and they're pretty great.
To add examples about the nearby metros: Moscow/Pullman on the Idaho/Washington border are college towns in the middle of a large farming community. Never any real need to travel to a city because they're too far away and the needs of the college keep the town in stock with everything you'd want anyway. Cheney on the other hand is close enough to Spokane that it uses Spokane's bus system (or used to idk haven't been there in years). Cheney is lacking a lot of essentials because people just go to Spokane for them.
Moscow/Pullman have tight knit communities while also being open and friendly. You just see so many people from different places coming in through the colleges. College towns are really the best middle ground of small town feel with city convenience I've been able to find.
Asheville, North Carolina used to be one, but it's been almost 16 years since I knew anyone out that way, so I don't know if it still has the same vibe. Easy for that vibe to be killed by too many people moving there.
Also yes, Burlington is pretty much exactly the kind of city I'm thinking about (never been there, just looked it up on Wikipedia).
Most cities in the 100-200k population
I'm always confused when I hear people say this. I'm in an actual one-water tower small town and I see people I don't know constantly. If you go up to tens of thousands you might as well be in the city, because you'll mostly be interacting with strangers.
Is everyone else just really great at keeping track of everyone, or something?