vestmoria @ vestmoria @linux.community

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2 yr. ago

By getting “why do you talk so little?” and responding with “why do you talk so much?”, You’re doing what they do to you back to them.

absolutely. I answer a question with another question. Keep playing stupid games, you'll keep getting stupid prizes.

you can say these words in the nicest way possible, and this exchange still sounds confrontational.

then why do they start it? I'm never the one pestering anyone about why they're blond, tall, fat...

wow, what a beautiful post.

Autism makes it hard to think outside a tried and true path. That rigidity is difficult to deal with, but may be worth looking into.

what do you mean 'may be worth looking into.'?

because some people here offer good advice

You don’t need to tell people they’re being boring.

where did you get that from? I don't tell them directly they bore me, that's what I think as I imagine leaving.

You can just leave and not interact and thus not hurt their feelings, and thus not have conflict with people.

actually that's not true: if extrovert A says something I don't care about, I wait patiently till he ends it and I leave, he will feel offended (an extrovert explained this to me). I don't understand it but apparently it's like this.

There is no need to go for confrontation, asking why someone talks so little might just be a way of trying to include them in a group or getting to know them, and it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is a boundaries issue.

I can't believe I have to explain this, but here it goes: if people talk much or less is purely subjective: what to introverted A is too much is for extroverted B too little.

extroverted B asked from his subjective point of view, introverted A simply answered from his also subjective point of view.

Why is this confrontational to you?

it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

wrong again, I calmly state that question. You seem to believe I start yelling at them or looking at them as if I wanted to hurt them.

my main question to you is this: why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is about boundaries.

I’d wager the people you’re having negative interactions with are picking up on that rather than your introversion.

I don't know, my soon to be former workplace is like a primary school: established coworkers settle in, start yelling, are obnoxious, care about ludicrously stupid stuff I simply don't care about. This goes on for 30 minutes. every day.

I'm trapped: if I leave for these 30 minutes they go find me to ask what am I doing, usually reading something interesting on my smartphone without them yapping.

Gossiping has already started at this point.

To avoid this I've settled for reading what interests me together with them which is not as good as it sounds but apparently placates them.

I still don't understand how adults can behave so childish.

I am many people.

don't you find it tiring? It's extremely draining to me to fake being something I am not, specially if faking implies I have to act like an extroverted interested in a coworker's life, including his sexual one.

One I had a coworker go on a full republican rant about how this country is going to sh%t, so... what do I do with people like this? I simply don't care about their beliefs.

I like how you present this as a choice and not an imposition.

it's not my job to entertain you. you speak like an extroverted neurotypical who thinks he knows better.

I already see extroverts upvoting you :D

do you have the ability to listen to boring stories with a smile on your face?

I wouldn't phrase it that way but if you must I'd concentrate on people. Societal expectations are not important to me, it's not something I strive to follow. Where did you get that from? Societal expectations are a form of unconscious, self imposed control.

To you question,about people: what bothers and triggers me is people constantly asking why I don't talk more, why they feel offended if I answer asking why they talk so much, also feeling offended if I prefer to do my pause alone instead of with them, the talking behind my back which to me equals being unauthentic, misidentifying lack of interest in their lives and wanting to simply do my job as hostility.

Other people are not important to me because I care about them (at least coworkers). They are "important" because I care how they can make my life difficult, the unnecessary drama they create, I don't want a workplace where I have to fake interest in them so they don't feel offended and start badmouthing you.

just pointing out how you post to rant pal.

and yet you fail to name any of the faults you claim I have. I commend you for your insightful, based post. Keep it up.

I’m not a licensed therapist

no shit on that one.

the current job shows me my own limitations, which are more with my colleagues than with the job itself.

but ain't this not one of your limitations, but theirs? This sentence makes it look like your coworkers slow you down.

could you write what your limitations with your coworkers look like? This is to me a very abstract concept.

And I am extra vigilant, take responsibility for the safety of those around me at all times.

could you write an example of this? I don't quite get it.

Say I try to apply this to nursing, it would mean I start checking if my coworkers do their job up to standard, which would be ridiculous, extremely taxing and not my job. Or am I understanding this the wrong way?

I just want to do MY job, not be responsible for other's lack of structure and laziness.

Good luck friend.

thanks for that

and which one are those?

Right, given that you answered genuinely and constructively I’m answering you.

This stuff being the first thing that comes to your mind when you start talking about this coworker I think tells us more about you than it does about the coworker.

yes, it tells you I mean she is unfit to do this job.

I see a nurse who to me is incapable of doing this job because, as said, she won’t pick up any tray or serve food and beverages, and I don’t want to work with a person like this because it means I have to be the one serving her patients as well as mine and as said this unit is chronically understaffed. It’s very frustrating being the one moving patients and delivering food trays and beverages while she sits in front of a computer. This is not what I signed up for.

I don’t know how future me nearing retirement is going to be, but it’s clear I have to quit bedside or study something else, precisely not to become this coworker because as you said, nursing is hard as f*ck on the body.

You write “She deserves some credit, some respect, and some empathy – you’re going to be there too, someday.” You speak like somebody who has the luxury of not having to deal with the consequences of a coworker who gives you the physically harder tasks while she, as said, sits. You understands it’s a bit difficult for me to agree with you, right? Options for her? retire or move to a desk position, both perfectly legitimate options, but don’t pretend to qualify for a job she physically cannot do anymore. Hell, even I cannot sometimes.

OTOH this is not as much her fault as management’s and society’s at large: If we had 3 RN instead of 2, we possibly wouldn’t have this problem, reason why the best I can do might be keep looking for another position, quit this one ASAP and think about studying to get away from nursing. No wonder nobody wants to be a nurse with this job conditions: just today 6 ICU RNs working quit, if you believe one of my coworkers. This ship is sinking.

Happy downvoting I guess.

I got one “nurse” who was proactive and was an asset to my team, but they got pushed out since they didn’t play the game the way other “nurses” did.

and this exactly is why I left my old unit. A doctor like you is the one who wrote me the recommendation letter.

exactly. Nurses there are proud of not thinking critically.

Are you being considerate of the doctors’ time and attention?

well, he came into the unit, I introduced myself and I asked him what I described.

A person in a hurry keeps his answers short and doesn't proactively explain in detail what's important when working with a PCA device at that unit, how to check the catheter wound and how to check that the patient's legs are not completely numb. To me, he saw somebody new wanting to learn and engaged. He even showed me how to refill the PCA.

I always ask if I may ask a question, giving them the chance to tell me if they're busy. If they don't want to answer the question, I leave them alone.