"The City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of [static / tape degradation]. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the dog park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you."
if you just want a quick start list of steps
grab your computer (laptop or desktop pc, doesnt matter)
install virtual box or vmware (doesnt matter which tbh) on your computer
go to the ubuntu homepage or linux mint (or if you wanna get more involved look for other beginer friendly distros, pop os is good for that too)
after you download the distro you chose, install it on the virtual machine (theres youtube videos for this and help across the web)
try it out for a while, its possible you run into issues that only exist on the virtual machine, this isnt too bad, spend some time just getting used to it