I made my first account in 2007. I ended up deleting it before long but I made another in 2009, which I deleted a couple of weeks ago (after manually deleting every comment and post I had ever made).

Officially, I had just reached the 14-year club.

Aren't those cities named after their respective rivers, though?

I could be wrong about those two (especially Los Angeles, which is shortened from a much longer name that may have been applied to the settlement before the river, or maybe both simultaneously) but in all other cases I can think of, rivers or other natural features tend to be namesakes rather than the other way around while still following that convention. Colorado, Delaware, Mississippi, Missouri, and Ohio are all named after rivers and we still use the "x River" format for those rivers.

It seems like it might be more of a convention for English speakers in the eastern vs western hemisphere to me.