And instant pot style automatic pressure cookers are amazing. I can prepare dry beans to perfection in under an hour using a quarter the energy of even an induction stove, and using less water too (because the heat and steam are mostly retained)

I have two!

I'd love to electrify my stove (and don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be whiny about it, I really do want to) but it has to be capable of getting a pan wok burner hot. I also cannot stand glass tops. Is there anything for me? I tried 2kw induction burner once with a heavy cast iron pan, and it was glacial compared to gas. I know people say they work great but how much do you have to pay to get one without glass that can get a pan literally smoking hot in under 2 minutes like gas can?

"Took 3x as long and burnt my food" I honestly don't see how these things can both be true. You either cooked it too long or too hot.

I'm getting tired of hand wringing about foods being "processed" without identifying what that actually means.

If you make yourself a smoothie that's "processed".