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Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
SLPT putting a student driver sticker on your car will get you out of all tickets. The police will be more understanding a let you off with a warning every time.
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Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
SLPT: When grocery shopping, if you see something you were going to buy in a person's cart, feel free to take it. It’s not stealing because the other person doesn’t own it until they pay for the item.
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Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
SLPT Gym not letting you cancel your membership or making it difficult? Start working out completely naked and making very weird noises drawing attention to yourself.
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Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
SLPT Cops work all day in the public this can be tiring and their time is valuable. Be considerate when you get pulled over and run towards their car with your information.
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Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
SLPT put your contacts in lotion, so they won't dry your eyes out.
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SLPT If you get mugged give them as much money as possible. You can say it was a charitable donation and write it off on your taxes.

  • Make sure to ask for one

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    SLPT: Win your next boxing match by slathering your gloves in raw eggs and chicken so your opponent will get salmonella and have to surrender the fight.

  • Got poison effect on those gloves

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT If you get mugged give them as much money as possible. You can say it was a charitable donation and write it off on your taxes.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT Make sure to keep a ruler under your pillow so you know how long you slept.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT attack someone wjth a bodyguard to ensure they get their moneys worth.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT adding two mini fridges together makes one regular fridge. And cheaper!
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT car bouncing/shaking a lot? Wear or sand your tire tread off to make the ride smoother.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT bean.

    Big bean

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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT eat the paper in the fortune cookie so it becomes shit, just like all your other hopes and dreams
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT Your job have a drug test day? Make sure to bring enough for everyone to try some.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT The good die young. Be an A-hole your entire life to live longer.
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    SLPT Unable to buy the fun fireworks in your state? Make your own by attaching a cardboard tube full of glitter, minerals, and gunpowder to a model rocket.

  • Making the fireworks like it’s Minecraft over here!

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT Have a work email? Report every email you get as spam you can never be too careful. The IT department will love you because you're thinking of security.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT If you like the hair you have now, shave it all off and make a wig out of it. You can have that hairstyle forever
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    SLPT: Taxi driver too slow? Simply throw them out of the car and drive yourself instead.

  • I saw that documentary too! This also works with anyone's car including police.

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    SLPT Do your misplace your kids often? Have them swallow an air tag. Cover it in yogurt to help get it down.

  • Round 2!

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT Do your misplace your kids often? Have them swallow an air tag. Cover it in yogurt to help get it down.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT Trying to lose weight? Always scoop your ice cream when it's frozen rock hard. You will burn a few extra calories.
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    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT instead of buying a bigger TV, just sit closer ya dingus
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    SLPT pulling over for police is optional. They can't give you a ticket if you don't pull over.

  • That's also optional

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world killer_penguin @lemmy.world
    SLPT pulling over for police is optional. They can't give you a ticket if you don't pull over.
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    SLPT Have a short layover when flying and you might not make the next plane? Save some time by yelling bomb! To get off the plain quicker

  • Shit I can't spell!

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    SLPT Need radiation, but live in the US and can't afford it? Travel to Chernobyl where you can get all the radiation for free!

  • That is too funny lol

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    SLPT silica gel is another way of saying salt, save it when you get one and use it on your food! You'll never have to buy salt again

  • This is a shitty life pro tip

    Leaving this up as it is not more dangerous than any other post on this community

    From cutenottragic https://azpoison.com/sites/default/files/poisonology_what_happens_if_i_eat_silica_gel.pdf

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    SLPT have bad breath? Spray lysol in your mouth it kills 99.9% of bacteria!

  • Definitely not an ad, but right as I posted it I was like hmm that kinda looks like one 😂

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    SLPT Big Airports don't want you to know that you can walk to the place you want to go. Rather than paying outrageous ticket costs.

  • Maybe a short swim too!

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    SLPT If you slip the zookeeper some money you can do anything you want in the zoo. Like jumping into the gorilla enclosure.

  • For that stunt? At least $100

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    SLPT If you slip the zookeeper some money you can do anything you want in the zoo. Like jumping into the gorilla enclosure.

  • Well the mistake was the kid didn't give the zookeeper any money!

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    SLPT If your computer is dirty and blowing air on the parts isn't completely cleaning them, just hose it down out back! Make sure to plug it into power during this!

  • Then use the leaf blower to dry it off!

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    SLPT: Use an old lightbulb as a thrifty option to fill the void left by broken drinkware.

  • Reduce reuse recycle!

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    SLPT If you have really bad tooth pain, have a friend take a bat to your leg distracting your mind from the tooth!

  • Unfortunately... ;)

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    SLPT Got Arthritis? Go down to the local hardware store and pick up some WD-40 for those joints

  • What can't WD-40 do!

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    SLPT: Having trouble extracting profit from a knowledge base you didn't create or maintain? Alienate, tax, and insult your contributors!

  • NOT SPEZ

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    SLPT: Having trouble extracting profit from a knowledge base you didn't create or maintain? Alienate, tax, and insult your contributors!

  • Hmm.. this sounds so familiar...

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    SLPT For maximum efficiency on laundry day, wash your clothes while naked

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    • killer_penguin killer_penguin @lemmy.world

    New account to replace my old account @killerpenguin... It has broken and I am not able to see posts from my own communities on it.

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    /c/shittylifeprotips /c/gifrecipes

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