In trans nerds we trust :)

I see "An error has occurred!" when clicking through the above link :(

Sweetie did you read the part about being transfem? I dodrink coke, not beer ;)

You make some good points.

try to use public transport as primary means, but use the car instead if it's not viable or the difference would be big

I agree with you, thanks for improving my 'rule' :)

Really the only justification for a car is when you have kids. I have 3 of them, and a car is super super useful. But yeah, for everyone else, use public transport.

Why scare quotes? I lived in Düsseldorf back in '90 (go alts - that was the name of my school team, and yes it was sponsored by Alt bier 🍺... different times), it's always been one of Germany's more clean cut, upmarket cities, but this picture makes me want to go back and check it out again.

Then again, I'm a queer transfem and I'm in BERLIN, THE QUEER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. Düsseldorf is in the last instance just meh.

For the first time?

Really bugs me too. It's vulgar and mean-spirited. I say this as a transfem who is an explicit target of discriminatory republican policies.

Making fun of someone because they're old is unacceptable. That's civility 101, if you claim to be a democrat and do this kind of thing you're a fraud imho

They should get an inflated representation for the exact same that Tesla's corpus of training data is skewed quite heavily to unusual situations. Just like a deep neural network, our brains will overfit to 'regular' situations and people. It's a general tendency, and we steer against it by doing a kind of stylized stratified sampling: all of the 'clusters' (bipoc, trans, gay, disabled, etc) are depicted, and roughly in relation to their relative cluster sizes. But it doesn't need to be in direct relation, in the same way as metro maps which dilate or compress distances are easier to read.

Does it really matter that trans people comprise 0.44% or, say, 5% of the population? We exist so you'll need to familiarize yourselves with us :)

I think this comment is insensitive. I have three kids and can actually sympathize with the fact it's tons of work. But... I'm also trans, so here's what I think you're missing: if you had wanted to, you could have chosen free time. The couple rubbing their free time in your face - do you know how hard our legal system makes it for them to have children?

Consider that they may see you as rubbing your cishet privilege of simple childbearing (speaking as a parent, is there any more valuable privilege?) in their face.

Same here... Frankly I kinda just ditched my old life after the _n_th so-so-concerned friend/family member exhorting me to "be kind to yourself". All my friends and partners are queer or trans now -- there are no downsides 🏳️‍⚧️🌈

The same people who've been complaining for four decades about things like erosion of due process and weak and unpredictable property rights go ahead and change birth certificates retroactively, creating chaos, confusion, and bureaucracy.

How these lunatics think they're serving the interests and needs of the kids is beyond me. It's so mean-spirited and eigenharming.

Who needs color anyway? A black laser printer is the way to go :)

For me at least, transitioning -- particularly in the first few months -- was intensely social. I'm really fortunate to live in a very trans- and queer-friendly city, and there's something going on every day of the week -- at least for queer people, usually something specific for trans people, too.

For me this helped a lot in dealing with frustration and dysphoria, because you meet lots of other trans people who are in the same boat. These people are going to listen to you, validate you, and afterward, and generally make you feel better and happier. So I would basically kinda push myself (without taking it too far, sometimes chillaxing in front of the tv is great) to go out especially when I felt down; I treated it almost as a kind of therapy. For me at least this really helped :)

Wow didn't even know there's such a thing as HRT implants. I'm on EEv injections since 17 months..... HRT is the best

A few points:

1. you should (strictly) prefer std::scoped_lock over std::lock_guard.
2. your scope locked takes an std::mutex, not a map (ie in its constructor)
3. the lambda passed to foo is called a completion handler; one way to thread a bunch of (related) handlers without needing explicit locks is to use so-called strands. As long as all the operations which have to be performed serially are coroutines, spawned within strand in question, you can actually have a thread pool of executors running, and asio will take care of all the locking complexity for you.
4. you're using p in the block as a whole, and within the completion handler, so be aware that the p outside has to be well-defined, and that the interior one (in the lambda) shadows the outer one. (I'm a fan of shadowing, btw, the company I used to have lint settings which yelled when shadowing happens, but for me it's one of the features I want, because it leads to more concise, uniform, clear names -- and that in turn is because shadowing allows them to be reused, but in the specific context... anyyyyway)
5. modern C++ tends to favour async style code. Instead of passing a completion handler to foo, you make foo an awaitable functor which co_yields an index (p, above), one which we can co_await as in:

   // note: the below has to run in a coroutine 
   ...
   my_map[q].insert(10); // renamed outer p to q to avoid collision now that async-style leaves p in the same scope as outer code!
   const auto& p = co_await foo(bar1);
   // use p
   

6. If you want to do 5 on existing code, follow the guidelines here to wrap legacy callback code into something that works with C++20 awaitables.
7. If I may be so bold, you're describing something intrinsically async, so you may want to consider using boost::asio, then you get access to all this.
8. and nowadays, all this is dead easy to install using conan

perfectly understandable sweetie, and btw honesty, and the courage to show vulnerability, are sexier than the most freshly-shaved legs imho

bonus points for not showing us a macbook.

that said, I'm not seeing any skin whatsoever, and speaking as a trans dyke -- think that's a real shame, and a lost opportunity :)

I mean, seeing as meta is universally regarded as an adroit, privacy-conscious company, deeply respectful of the needs of its users, I guess this makes the fediverse superfluous, right? 😬

I had a few months of existential crisis when I was 21, but it was more related to a manipulative partner who was fetishising my queer identity as I was just figuring out who I was.

I had the same but in my 30s, it was a kind of "embrace and extinguish" thing with my nex. She initially was super supportive, taught me to how to use makeup yadda yadda. but it pretty quickly turned into something much more constrictive: she effectively branded my transness as a sort of dirty kink, and in doing so, was able to cast me as a kind of pathetic, horny, pervert over several years. Every time I hooked up with a guy (at the time I was male-presenting), there was always some reason she would get really angry at me (you didn't call, you were drunk/high, etc.) -- any expressions of LGBTQIA* sexuality were invariably punished, but in a covert way, making them impossible for me to counter (also because I was still riveted with shame).

I'm really happy to hear you're out of that relationship, some people are really toxic, and prey on queer people (often takes the form of basking in the reflected edginess of being queer, while simultaneously behaving in a TERFy, kareny way).