You're right. It does not fit the initial picture.

Yes, it isn't federated, but you can host your own server for your community. That way you are independent of any central organization.

Here Revolt is suggested as an alternative to Discord which looks quite similar.

https://retro-gaiden.com/@Oregon_Pacifist/113929785493554770

DNS over HTTPS

Same here. Kinda feels good to know I am not alone with this, though.