This is helpful to me. It reminds me a of a conversation I've had with with a friend with a similar neuro divergent family member. So thank you for the reminder.
How can we as a family unit enforce those basic chores to be completed? It's been a trigger fest for ten years and has been the number one issue in our home. Chores are never and have never been done without becoming a problem. I've never done the roommate thing so this kind of conflict resolution isn't something I've ever dealt with.
My issues stem from my teens expectations of me. They expect me to wake them up for school or expect me to pick them up from work. It's absurd.
Follow up question, how do we parent someone who needs the help but makes it a traumatic issue every step of the way? Like they give me nothing to work with, but feel that I'm expected to make sure they're awake in the morning because "my friends parents wake them up and it's not a bid deal"
That's my point, they only want to design characters. Suggesting anything more is clearly preposterous and how dare I. It's taken 3 years of having the same conversation to get my teen to realize that you need more than that. They're impossible to communicate with, and more often than not, frustration takes over. Simple conversations become marathons of trying to force understanding from both sides.
We have been in family therapy on and off over the years. We're currently in an off period. When in therapy they make little sense and resort to whst I can only describe as incoherent babbling fabricating things that never happened. We've had several therapists stop them and tell them that they're not making sense or questioning something they said only for our teen (I should stop saying kid) to respond with "Nevermind I can't get the words out" or "well it made sense to me".
Part of this is just emotional speaking, so forgive me if there's some contradiction. Just because I say they ware copy paste, in my eyes that's not a comparison, as much as it's context. But I understand your point.
I should add, kid isn't even a good household citizen or even as far as roommate goes. They have literally two responsibilities, clean up after having a meal cooked for them, and keep the recycling can from overflowing. They never do either of those things unprompted and it always boils over into a fight eventually. Screen door never gets latched and we have to dedicate an entire day to laundry because it won't get done on its own or in a timely manner. They take no responsibility for anything and everything is someone else's fault to them. We often take the brunt of the anger whenever something tips their apple cart, whether it's biomom or school or a rainy day. It matters little.
Prior to the rise of generative ai, there were a collective of 8-15 positions in the United States for a character designer. Speaking very broadly, it's typically a contracted position, and not steady work. Usually undertaken by a design firm that does other things as well. I have only been able to have that conversation with them very recently that they should aim for that position, but be prepared to have a more diverse toolset. It's been a fight every time. All I'm asking them to do is look outside of their bubble. And even then, only managed to get any traction when they couldn't find "character design" as a collegiate major.
I am not comparing them to their mother. I am protecting myself from what I have already experienced both with the mother and themselves and setting my expectations. If I allowed it, my kid would just melt into their bed at every waking moment. And that isn't an exaggeration. Either they go to college, or they prepare to pay rent. I'm not typically this kind of person, I'd rather nurture a much healthier relationship, but I feel like they haven't left me with much choice. There has been ~~nothing ~~ very little rewarding about being a parent in this relationship*, and I'm tired, worn out and sad.
*Anything that I have taken an interest in to try and be supportive has been met with a slapped face of push back.
They haven't seen a therapist in a year and only take their meds when they "remember". College is only a conversation we're having because they want to be a character designer (which is a job that doesn't exist). When we bring up our concerns, we're not being supportive. Like, the conversations are impossible.
I have set the expectation that they will not be permitted to freeload. That what their mother did, and I will never fall victim to that again.
I've had mixed results with egg rings. Silicone versions suck, and the last set of metal rings I had were apparently painted and started chipping away when cooking/cleaning.
FF7 (original) is famous because it was a huge jump from 2d pixel to 3d models. The original iteration had tank controls, and the game was long. But largely empty and slowed down by random encounters.
The new one changed the story dramatically. The next game will further deviate from the original.
If you pay attention to the Deckard rumors, the current guess is a console+wireless vr combo. A physical device that matches Valve's patent has been seen in "Half Life Alyx: Final Hours" on a shelf behind someone in a vr helmet.
My wife had a super cool phone that would slide up to reveal a full keyboard. Really slick. Her favorite phone to this day, her Nexus 5 was a close second.
My 2021 VW GLI is mostly buttons. There's a big touchscreen for the infotainment, except volume. There's a "tuner" knob but it doesn't really so anything (I don't listen to am/fm radio). HVAC controls are all buttons and knobs. Steering wheel controls are also buttons and switches.
This is helpful to me. It reminds me a of a conversation I've had with with a friend with a similar neuro divergent family member. So thank you for the reminder.
How can we as a family unit enforce those basic chores to be completed? It's been a trigger fest for ten years and has been the number one issue in our home. Chores are never and have never been done without becoming a problem. I've never done the roommate thing so this kind of conflict resolution isn't something I've ever dealt with.
My issues stem from my teens expectations of me. They expect me to wake them up for school or expect me to pick them up from work. It's absurd.