When my father died, people we never heard of turned up at his wake. Some told stories of a man we did not know. Two refrigerator-sized mobsters in suits showed up, sat 15 minutes then left - never saying a word. And the half-sister we never knew of. His wallet had half a dozen credit cards - all with different names. It's safe to say we barely knew him.
My mom is still alive. She's almost as mysterious. Her youth was in an abusive household - so she doesn't talk about her family. We have gotten some more hints of how bad it was only recently.
Have you ever seen the movie Big Fish? You'd likely appreciate it, though it might be a tough watch.
I know more about them than they know about me
Same. My parents love and adore me, but their interest in learning the details is strangely not part of that adoration.
I, on the other hand, know about their lives, their friends, history, heritage, etc., because they talk about it.
This is not a full picture of the relationship. I'm 47, they're in their 70s now.
Yep same. I know how they grew up, what they like and dislike, their personalities, basically everything. On the other hand, they just assume I do nothing but play video games all day and have no other interests. Couldn't be farther from the truth.
I wish my kids would tell me anything that proves they don't just play video games all day.
I'm not saying that's what they do, I just wish they'd open up so I could know any of this stuff.
My parents have been open books for as long as I can remember. I do wish I'd gotten my dad to tell me more about the people the 100 some odd old family pictures he'd amassed before he passed away. I only really know who about 25% of them are and some of the pictures go back to the late 1800s
That's the sad thing about oral history...
Sometimes I wish I knew less about them.
My parents were of the mindset : we are not your friends, we are your parents the whole time we were growing up. That's not to say they didn't have fun with us, we did every day, but they were a lot more concerned with raising us than they were with us liking them. It has been an absolute joy getting to know who they are as people as adults. Now they are among my best friends. I know so much of their preferences, likes, dislikes, dreams, regrets, their history and what makes them laugh.
My husband's dad was his "best friend" the whole time, while his mom had to play both parents. His dad has passed, and his relationship with his mom is strained. He doesn't really know anything about either of them. He never knows what to get his mom as a gift, or their medical histories. They are strangers to him.
My mother was mostly a stranger growing up. I don't know exactly how the arrangement came about, but I was my father's child. She kept her distance and took to my sibling instead. She worked weekends when I was younger so I saw her comparatively little, and by the time I was a teenager my father's abuse had long since driven her into drink and depression. I had little idea what she liked, what her hobbies were or what her life was like before me.
I left in my late teens but moved back in with her in my early 20's. They had divorced just before I left, and she hadn't been coping with it very well. I hadn't coped well with life either. Those were some hard years at first. Both traumatized and stranded. I've gotten to know her very well since then. Frankly, too much. She's no saint, but she's well intentioned and I've come to love her even if I didn't as a child.
My father I always knew. He's not exactly hard to understand, just another emotionally stunted and cowardly little man. We were only ever a tool for him - to win approval from his parents, and to provide one small space where he could inflict his control. I know every little thing he likes because those were the only things that were allowed to matter. He tried desperately to make me become like him. I am very glad I am not.
yes.
they ask me to forget their age. I understand and honor that request. also leads me to forget the birth years.
If it's my dad, no, but if it's my mom, yes.
Wait. Is OP copying, or is the post topic coincidental?
I can't speak for OP. But it does seem like copying. It happens. Some posts inspire others.
I know way too much about my mum and her trauma, because she didn't have friends or therapy when I was growing up, despite desperately needing both. She had a fucked up childhood and grew up to be an adult with untreated depression who offloads onto her kid.
I've forgiven her, but also, I'm still non-contact with her, because she can't do boundaries.
