Why do people keep asking where I'm from?
Why do people keep asking where I'm from?
Up until I started working, I didn't really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.
Them: Where are you from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Where are your grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
It's irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.
The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.
Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?
Asking where you are from is pretty normal conversation, especially if you have a noticeable accent. Asking where your parents/grandparents/etc are from is less common. Are you by chance not-white? Sometimes these sorts of questions have a race element to them
I think I look pretty white, tbh
ok, but are you? what's your ethnicity? Just wondering.
You say you look "pretty" white, that's like how "not really" isn't a "no".
This is often a proxy for a different question.
It's also a form of othering. You are different and they are establishing why
Why is your skin colour the same as mine?
Fucking poser
they're trying to figure out your race or whatever
That's exactly what it is.
Light haired white people don't generally recieve this type of question.
I mean, there is a chance that somewhere along the way someone was sneaky, so 🤷♀️
They're either making conversation or racist, depending on context. Answering the country you're from if you're currently in that country is pretty odd.
But that is the answer to the question. I'm not understanding the alternative. If the person wants to ask, "What race are you?" They should ask using those words.
I can't recall a time ever needing to know anyone's race. So I've never asked this question in 50 years, but perhaps one day? Idk, seems like a potentially insensitive question.
I don't think being interested in the (ancestors') race of a co-worker is necessary racist. I worked with people with all kinds of cultural backgrounds and it might be just an interesting topic to talk about. If someone has family in Iran, Senegal or Indonesia that's definitely more interesting to me than a conversation about weather or last night's football game.
Personally when someone asks me where I'm from, I respond in order of:
A) if I'm in my home city, I tell them the province I grew up in (because I came from a small town I would never expect anyone to know, if it was a big city I'd say that.)
B) If I'm away from my home city in my home province, I tell them my home city.
C) if I'm away from my home province, I tell them my home province.
D) if I'm away from Canada I'll tell them I'm from Canada
E) if based on context it seems they're asking about my ethnic background, I tell them I'm some kind of western/northern European mutt.
Now obviously I'm white as hell and no accent, but OP is saying they're basically that as well, so I'm not sure why race would be the assumption for them either. I don't even know how I would respond if i asked someone at work where they're from and they answered Canada.
I think asking where someone is from is a pretty universal way to mean, “What ethnicity are you?”.
Usually, you can understand someone’s question based on the context. Your question, for example, “What race are you?” Is not specific enough. I could answer, “I’m not a race, I’m a person, but I enjoy competing in races.”
So just use context clues to understand a persons question and answer the question if you feel like it.
Sounds like the correct answer to the question is Newfoundland, if it isn’t the accent it is probably some regional colloquialisms.
When someone asks me where I am from I normally say the city / province. I would never answer Canada while I was in Canada having the conversation.
Exactly, that's just a weird non social answer
Also some Newfies I’ve met have an odd mix of Irish/Scottish/Canadian accent that really threw me the first time I heard it.
I’m not from Canada (but within 1/2 day drive or less my whole life), but I think if the first answer I got was Canada, the next question I might ask would be what part/province?
So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. "Oh, you're from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?" Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don't show any curiosity about them.
Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.
Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).
I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.
I don't know if this applies to this kind of question though. If you ask someone where they're from and they say Canada and you want more you would say "what part" not start going up the generations
I might or might not be. I was tested as a child, but my parents were told that I had ADHD. They could have been wrong, though. I'll keep my mind open and maybe get checked out again at some point though.
I would agree with you about the small talk thing, but I could also argue that some people just suck at small talk. ADHD, trauma, behavioural diagnosis, etc could all be a cause. I would also argue that most people would pick up on someone avoiding a topic. If I get one worded answers, I'll usually move on to the next thing or I'll let that person be. I won't usually keep asking someone the same question in different ways if I don't get an answer the first couple of times haha.
As a mixed third generation immigrant, I get this a lot. In my experience, most people want to know my ethnicity, but for some reason they never ask me that directly.
Because it's none of their business and it's a tad racist, and they know racism is bad but they don't want to look as bad people.
I'm a white Australian and I get asked this all the time. Mostly they're just trying to make conversation and since most people at work are migrants it's a natural conversation starter. Sometimes they are looking to remind me that the only real Australians are the indigenous peoples and I am, therefore, British. This what you get labelled if you say your background is English/Irish lol. My favourite was being called British by a mixed German/Brazilian who insisted he was Spanish.
In countries with a lot of immigration and diversity I think it's natural for people to talk about this. I like hearing about what life was like for people in Tibet, or Myanmar, Eritrea, Cook Islands etc. I don't think it carries the same level of racist connotations as it used to. How are we supposed to have cultural exchange if we can't talk about our backgrounds?___
And besides, more and more people from around the world are going to be going to other places around the world to find better opportunities. It's gonna be ramping up exponentially if we don't at least try to get a handle on climate change.
Probably racism like in this skit:
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It's just a standard office getting to know you small talk thing. You'll get used to it.
FYI, they were looking for you to actually talk and engage with them, not a one word answer. Tell them what part of Canada, that your family was part of the Canada-US wars and locked the US's. And most importantly, ask them something in return...
Skating it once might be standard. But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange
Yea but where are u from?
After the second time you should just respond "don't overthink it"
"Why do you ask?"
...
"Why do you feel entitled to an answer?"
...
They'll figure it out.
Random people care because they were taught to care. Scared people see anyone who looks different as a threat. It starts there.
Thank you, I might try that if it comes up again
Good luck, truly. I can only imagine how awkward it feels.
I have a long time friend who complains about this kind of behavior. Friend is a Creek Indian living in the Muskogee Creek Nation in Oklahoma. That's about as native-born and indigenous as you can get.
Unfortunately, her skin is somewhat less than lily-white, and that just seems to bring out the dumbasses.
I was created within the bounds of the milky way galaxy.
Using local materials.
I've watched a lot of Canadian TV and worked with a lot of Canadians and the Newfy accent is pretty distinct, even in Canada. If you've just got a touch of it you might sound vaguely Irish or Scottish. That would explain why people are asking where you're from.
If you're now in Australia, it is polite to ask "where y'from" as a starter convo, as knowing who your mob are is part of getting to know you. An Aussie would find the answer [insert country name here] as pretty standoffish (sort of an "I don't want to talk about it or be friends with you" answer) but if they were determined to get to know you they might then ask patiently "where in Canada?" or ask about the part of Canada you might originate from, knowing it is a large place. This helps them to understand who you are and work better alongside you in big projects in future. Unfriendly people aren't really worth working with or helping out if the going gets tough.
Think of it this way: If you have spoken four words to someone "Canada" and "why do you ask?" they are less motivated to cover your shift. If they know you are from that cool place with several excellent bands and a beautiful landscape and you often chat about whales or whatever, they might try to help you out. Also, how cold and bleak your life would be without the occasional conversation with someone at least once a day. Many people live alone.
How do you first get to know your work colleagues? Ask about a sport or the weather? Or ask about something else? Is small talk and office acquaintances not a thing where you are from?
Seems like if the follow up question is "where are your parents from" they're really asking about genetic heritage
When my white colleagues get asked "this", it's more "are you a local boy/girl?" (just country things...). When my non-white colleagues get asked "where are you from?", they're not satisfied with a location somewhere in Australia.
Apparently, for a lot of white Australians, you need to be white to be Australian.
Why are you asking us instead of them? Surely they would know.
Oh
"Wait, where am I now!? Where are we!?"
I should do this.
Now I want to do this lol
I don't make a big deal about it.It's just a small talk question like any other. I just answer that i'm half canadian, half tunisian. I was born in Canada but at 2 years old i lived in tunisia till 18 and went back to Canada
Newfoundland has a very particular accent, do you speak with a strong accent?
I have a classic NZ voice as well as a tan and get asked this often because I'm in the most Caucasian place outside of Europe (I'll let you guess). Half the time they don't even assume where I'm from because they don't have enough education about the world to hold any stereotypes about me (which makes them draw a blank about countries), which ironically gives me the freedom to respond however I want.
the most Caucasian place outside of Europe (I’ll let you guess)
Georgia!
They're in Europe though.
because I'm in the most Caucasian place outside of Europe (I'll let you guess)
🤔
Israel?
No, thankfully. I thought the boundaries of Europe extended further East than Israel.
A lack of education on a certain accent and/or look might also trigger honest curiosity in people, as opposed to racism. But I guess the way people ask you background questions reveal their agenda.
Yes and no. They have a highly exclusive mindset, insisting people with their roots here going generations back are priority number one and newcomers like me are priority number two, but no, they're not outright racist or hostile or anything, just by far not welcoming. Though that itself isn't the best thing in the world. Last year was a huge year for natural disasters and they only worried about me after I had survived, not while I was trying to survive, perhaps because to them I'm a stock human who "asked for the life".
I get asked this a lot, because my accent is dissimilar from the area I live now. I think if people were more familiar with the area I'm from, they'd ask where my parents are from because my accent and terms are a weird mix of the two places.
Are you still in Canada. If you're in America it's probably because people are looking for something to hate you for.
Way to generalize, dumbass.
Thanks.
I was actually in a similar situation where I wasn't too good with my native tongue so people would constantly ask where I'm from. It's not malicious, people just assume you're not from here if your accent is different.
Your native tongue is the one you grew up speaking. This isn't always the same as the language predominantly spoken by your ancestors.
I did grow up speaking it, I'm just better with my 2nd language.
What kind of job?
People ask me where I’m from a lot because they can’t place my accent, but I don’t think it’s different at work than elsewhere.
I worked a phone line for awhile and people asked where I was from sometimes, but not the whole grandparents spiel.
Do you have an unusual or oddly spelled surname?
I do. It's by marriage, and coworkers sometimes awkwardly ask about it. It won't be the first question they ask - because that would be weird, but it often comes up if it sort of fits the conversation.
Time to ask a different question.
Where am I from? No hints.
I never know how to answer this. I grew up till middle school in Canada and the rest of my school in India. I rarely get dentist with many Indian traditions, but I also didn’t spend enough time in Canada to be a “real” Canadian.
I just flip a coin in my head and answer each time. And then get the follow-up asking where my parents are from. Just ask my race, you coward.
What IS a real Canadian, though? I know some immigrants who love this country much more than some of the people who were born here.
Many of us are also only here from our ancestors immigrating. How far down the line does one have to be to be a real Canadian? You can't judge that by DNA, either.
Oh my goodness. I am pretty much garden variety white, fair skin, blue eyes, dark hair, but mom's dad was half native American or Mexican (such a brutal upbringing he never talked about them so she didn't know for sure beyond "Oklahoma"), she looked more native in features, I got some of that and what I got asked down here when young is "what are you?"
It may be your accent but maybe it's your looks. I think just responding, "Canada, what about you?" is correct.
As to why people care, I don't rightly know. Maybe they think you might like to talk about it, or like to put people in boxes or don't know you and are trying awkwardly to make small talk.