God just min maxed tortoises. High CON (aka HP, defense), but low DEX (aka speed, evasion).
We at least have high INT, WIS stats relatively speaking.
And now we're the squishy casters who have to study and invent concepts like "credit scores" while tortoises just happily munch leaves and chill all day.
"For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons."
Wow, god adores lobsters.
Immortal jellyfish: "Am I a joke to you?"
And creepy sharks
Somewhere around 1 in 1,000-10,000 turtles live to adulthood. And those that survive live 150 years to remember everything they've seen... like their newborn siblings being eaten in front of them by predators.
So maybe God really fucking hates turtles.
"Uhh... Something something about an inordinate fondness for beetles."
God's way into sharks.
Behold dog
I think the favored beast of the gods is Bear. They're very tanky.
True, but turtles can't go surfing.
You tell that to Crush and Squirt from Finding Nemo, dude!
Turtles can surf like a MFer, what you talking about?
Their armor makes a handy bowl to eat turtle soup out of for a human.
