Another reason to leave Reddit: I forgot how hostile it can be

This is the biggest reason I left reddit. It made me never want to post anything, and reading the comments section most of the time just made me angry. People are much nicer here!

Have you had similar experiences with Reddit...

Countless. It's one of the reasons that I am devoted to Beehaw.

I agree with OP and the general consensus of the comments here.

This may sound corny, but all I really wanted to add to this thread is...thank you. Thank all of you for being so kind. So human.

I really hope the positivity of this platform continues on, as it's truly been a bright spot slipping through the dark clouds of the internet.

Rock on, Beehaw. Rock. On.

Come to think of it, I too, notice the difference. How nicer people are on here.

Here's another thing that I don't miss about Reddit. I am glad there is no downvotes on Beehaw, there is not this constant passive aggressive downvoting which was really frustrating.

But yeah, I guess that what I don't miss the most is it's comment section. I don't miss the constant hostility for no reason. I don't miss the whole comments section being filled with masturbating monkeys every time there is a women in a picture. And I know, it sounds like I'm a fucking white knight or whatever, but that used to bother the hell out of me!

Every time, EVERY TIME you would see a photo with a woman as the subject of the photo, the common section would be unbearable to read...

Same thing, I also don't miss seeing a video or a picture with a black person on it and seeing that the comments section has been locked. And I don't even have to wonder why, I know why.

I don't miss the frets that are political in nature, talking about things like racism or queerphobia, going on there, and just seeing a locked comment section, with giant, sprawling discussions, of just deleted comments after deleted comments, with entire threads being nuked.

...I guess I just don't miss the bigotry and people being all around assholes.

You know, I'm writing this, and I'm just realizing how horrendous that place was, actually.

I guess, overtime, you end up getting used to it, or maybe, just getting numb to it. And you should never get number to seeing stuff like that, that's not normal. Bigotry, people acting like assholes, it should be outrageous, it shouldn't be just something that you're so used to seeing that it makes your roll your eyes. But I know that here, when I see a bad take, when I see someone behaving like an ass, it sticks out, it jumps out of me. I see it immediately, and I get frustrated with it. Because I am not numbed to it, because it isn't common here.

Maybe I am now in a bubble, in a safe space. Maybe. Screw everything else, I'm not leaving. I like it here. Real life is already stressful enough for me to be annoyed by people on Reddit.

I thought I would miss it. I don't. I haven't returned ever since I made an account here. The only times when I check read it, is if I'm looking for something, like, I have an issue with a game, something like that, I look it up on my search engine, and often, I would get linked to a Reddit thread about it. But that's it. Other than this, I don't go on it, I don't interact with it, I don't log into it. And I don't miss it.

This was like leaving social media for me, when I left Twitter and all of that, good fucking riddance.

yeah, it's a lot nicer here

The hostility was exhausting and constant, but equally so was knowing I would have to bake in a bunch of qualifiers into my post to try to head off common bad faith arguments at the pass. When you're doing this for the very real problems you're having just existing in society as a minority, it's absolutely soul-sucking. Even if you know it's by design, you're still just one person dealing with a lot of weighty garbage in real life who then has to deal with redditor JAQing/name calling/strawmanning the minute you try to talk about it to try to offset even a fraction of the emotional burden.

I am pretty happy to watch reddit die. Less happy when I think about how this can further distill the abuse within a lot of current discourse.

It got so bad on reddit that I would hope my posts wouldn't hit the front page of a sub, and often when I'd comment I'd immediately disable inbox replies.

Someone in another community linked an archived reddit thread, and the unnecessary hostility and toxicity were readily apparent since I hadn't been on reddit for a while.

What's scary is how I started to feel numb to it and even feel like I started to become like that myself.

I agree with you, I gradually became more lurky because the interaction with others was terrible. I hated talking to people.

So far on beehaw it's been overwhelmingly positive, and my dumb questions didn't receive snarky remarks or vitriol. Sometimes, people just want to ask a question and create a discussion. That's mostly me, I'm sure I can find a lot of answers myself, and usually do, but every so often I just want to talk about something with someone, so I'll repeat a question which was asked 2 years ago.

Besides, asking the same question again could lead to a different discussion anyway. It's terrible to tell people to "just Google it". Yeah, they could do that, but its such a negative response. Could easily just say "Hey I found this link on Google, here you go. Try looking into x, y or z and include that in your future searches, let me know if you have any other questions"

Honestly, that's what generally happens the more public an online space becomes. The loudest most obnoxious people ruin it. Once Reddit wasn't a bastion of niche hobbyists and power users, and open to everyone, the chances of Dunning Krueger showing up grows exponentially. Also just assholes in general.

It's also sort of built into the system anyway. The mods are cronies to the despot. Many are good, but its not the good ones that do the damage and piss people off. They run their subs like petty little tyrants, and it rubs off on people.

I can relate to that a lot. I usually also comment on niche subs with a help question. Not sure what it is about reddit that makes the common redditor act like a hostile person with a superiority complex. It's very irritating, like they do the opposite of touching grass 24/7 and hate you for posting.

Beehaw and Lemmy are much smaller so that's also why the quality of the people here is just overall better. the moderation style in beehaw also helps. It also helps me feel like I can freely comment the way I want to.

i have quit reddit multiple times over such behavior. everyone is looking to become the most upvoted dunk on there

It's not a matter of being overly respectful really - it's the culture of being shit scared to say anything which someone might find offensive. Sometimes you want to be comfortable enough to just be friendly with strangers, and hope that they will take things in the spirit they were intended...

Reddit is one of two sites (the other being a private tracker, the 'cappers' of which are a very very touchy breed - if you even suggest that it wouldn't be difficult for them to name their files in a logical manner they throw hissy fits and threaten to quit... so that everyone simply SIMPS over them and worships the ground they walk on.

The difference being that if you upset someone on Reddit you get cut off for a few days. It's a painful addiction - it's like a 20 per day smoker being forced to go cold turkey for 3 days, and then being allowed to smoke again until the next cold turkey.

I guess I'm waiting to see if I actually encounter the toxic behaviour I heard people have seen in the Fediverse - I'm sure it's out there, but really I'm mostly happy that it isn't any longer part of the second most evil organization on earth...

Google being the first, and Reddit being the second... I'm hoping to see alternative search engines catch up ASAP (I used SearXNG to get a 'blend' for a year already) but there are many other issues which need sorting out.

Fediverse is a nice start.

This is something I've noticed about the decentralized platforms in general. Mastodon is way less toxic and hyperbolic than Twitter. There's no main character. If someone has a terrible opinion, they're mostly ignored instead of dogpiled upon.

Lemmy and Kbin are the same way. If people disagree, they're respectful in their disagreements and are by and large open minded and willing to learn something new. It's honestly refreshing and positive.

Honestly I've deleted a great majority of the threads I've ever made within minutes, and immediately regretted a huge amount of the comments. It's almost like people are being paid to be shitty on Reddit sometimes.

I live in a poorish country and I'm not flush with cash either currently not being employed except some volunteering. I wanted to build a network server for a charity who were struggling with their internal services.

Over a period of six months I cobble together enough to buy a second hand mini PC. I couldn't get a network card similarly because of shortages, so someone buys one from ebay US and brings it after a few months.

For some mystery reason, the card refuses to work with the PC. It's detected but as soon as I push some traffic it results in a kernel panic. I spend a month looking at similar problems online and trying out different solutions. With no dice, I post on Reddit.

On the my first two tires, I get no replies and no one notices it because it doesn't get any upvotes. Then I try another two subreddits and people just say that CPU/NIC sucks, just get another one.

This whole thing pretty much put me off from posting on Reddit after that.

Indeed I do. Reddit is specifically crafted to drive continuous engagement. Beehaw, Lemmy, Tildes, etc. are not. My understanding is that the engagement is driven through emotional manipulation. That just doesn't seem to be here and I think it makes people not be so mean.

It's improved my outlook on the world and on people.

Everyone tries to be overly snarky there out of trying to be "funny" and get upvotes. That's one of the things I dislike the most about that community; it feels as if people try to hurt others to benefit themselves, all for the sake of internet points.

Same experience on Reddit. Any comment saying "I'm having this problem" would usually get hostile responses. A post about a laptop hinge on my machine that failed in an absurdly short amount of time had people saying, "You don't know how to open your laptop." The worst IME were the cell carrier and manufacturer subs. People on those were consistently just vicious.

I got told I was "larping" on Reddit once about operating a hiking group. A huge number of my posts were about hiking, and I think I even named my group a few times.

Also continuously got told by Americans that our anti gun laws weren't actually working. In fact, anything suggesting they did was a instant downvote

So happy I deleted my primary account a few months ago. Much better environment here

It's Twitter, but in longer form.

Everyone's just there to be outraged at something. The whole internet is outrage-bait.

I've been struck by the same thoughts lately as well, coming from Reddit where I expect hostile attitudes and at times even contributed to it, Lemmy (and to a greater extent, beehaw) is still pretty quiet as far as trolls/haters go, there's active moderation keeping them at bay when they do show up, and the bulk majority of contributors are friendly and enthusiastic about their topics (rather than the toxic circlejerks of Reddit past.)

I still use Reddit occasionally. A little bit to scratch my news/social topic itch and for the few communities that haven't migrated here yet.

It depends on the instance in my experience. Beehaw is a good one though, I feel.

In general I will say that I find federated services to be more reasonable and willing to discuss topics without going down the path of pure hostility when compared to corporate social media. It also helps when you have active moderation teams that actively believe in the service their using and police bad behavior!

For reasons I already pointed out several times (and which I don't mind pointing out again), I had severe anxiety and rejection sensitiveness when I wrote comments on Reddit, fearing their responses. Sometimes those fears were correct, and sometimes don't, but the fact that I suffered those things was enough to feel myself in danger. Twitter, Reddit, all was the same shit regarding interaction with other people.

Since I joined the fediverse and became more active, those fears were lowering. That, and the fact that I'm taking medication for my ADHD. But a good environment and friendly human interaction help too.

I'm a game developer of 10 years and was on several programming and game development subreddits was constantly hostile. The annoying thing is that Reddit downvoted anything that was against the hive mind information. Information that was simply repeated a lot because it sounded logical but when you came in with actual experience and concrete information it was pinned up against this hive mind information, if it differed the hive mind information was upvoted and your actual industry experience and inside information was downvoted.

I've provided information from game studios I've worked at just to have people initially call me a liar, have someone else pop up and say, "you know this person actually works there." And get upvoted.

Frustrating for anyone trying to share industry information that they can't immediately back up with a website.

Yes, totally. There is a real sense of hostility on most subs. (Larger ones anyway) It's so hostile I'd always think twice about speaking my mind about anything. Like going back to high school or something.

This. And I'd get banned if I responded in kind. Subreddit mods have an agenda and it isn't “be(e) nice.”

Default hostility, being snarky and trying not to answer when you need help. And 'oh that will fail in two months' when americans look at a normal roof window. That's about what I remember from reddit. Stuff like this warps you, being abused and gaslit and molested in any single interaction really makes you act in a different way, you can't be honest or open in that kind of environment.

I’ve seen that countless times on tech based subs when I was on that site. Very weird to see a feature suggestion bring up so much hostility from people.

For me, Reddit/Twitter/Facebook/Instagram communities provided more incentives to have ASPD than to work on mitigating the symptoms and having productive, meaningful conversations.

Sure, I lose hostility as a defense mechanism against social anxiety but I can actually feel myself becoming happier since leaving.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Reading the replies it seems like most of us have experienced similar from Reddit, and I agree with ArtZuron's comment "the more public an online space becomes [...] [t]he loudest most obnoxious people ruin it". I'm reminded of Alyaza's post of how unchecked toxicity can rapidly poison a userbase and drive away positive interaction. MayonnaiseArch sums it up better than I can: "being abused and gaslit and molested in any single interaction really makes you act in a different way, you can’t be honest or open in that kind of environment"

I've receiced a reddit cares message just because I supported a male idol group. I definitely don't miss that part of reddit. My experience browsing lemmy/beehaw/kbin is much nicer since people aren't willing to tolerate vitriol and want that part of reddit to stay at reddit. Everyone's tired of always being angry at a faceless mob.

I got downvoted to oblivion for providing the same (right) answer to a what is that song question as someone else. We posted at the same time but people saw the other one first and downvoted mine. Like my answer wasn't even wrong or unhelpful why the downvotes lol

Too many morons use the downvote button as a “Dislike/Disagree” button. It’s why I like that downvotes are disabled here. If you disagree with someone, you’re encouraged to actually have a discussion instead of lazily pressing the downvote arrow and leaving.

YES... the way people talk to each other on Reddit is disheartening. I found that if I didn't phrase things EXACTLY in the same tone/manner that was the general "reddit tone/manner" it was an argument and downvotes. If I had any opinion that was ever so slightly different from the popular opinion it wasn an argument and downvotes. It became impossible to have authentic conversations in many of the subs

Sometime in the past few years I feel like reddit devolved into an argument fest. It seems like the only thing anyone is interested in is arguing or saying rude or hateful shit in the comments. It turned me off to commenting tbh and even pre-api nonsense made me realize I didn't enjoy reddit the way I used to.

It's nice here still, and hopefully stays that way. Sometimes I'll write something that I realize could be taken as rude and I'll feel like an absolute asshole until I fix it. Like I'm worried I'll upset someone when I didn't mean to... I haven't given something like that a second thought on Reddit in years.

Also if anyone reads a comment from me and I sound like an asshole, please let me know! It's almost certainly not intended, especially anywhere on Beehaw.

I was amazed how many times on Reddit I had hostile comments in response, repeatedly to a comment that was days old. It's like there were people just trolling around looking for a comment to attack, and once they did it was relentless. I'm so glad I was able to quit Reddit entirely. It was a toxic environment.

First off, OP, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Hostile responses hurt, particularly when you're just trying to help. I hope this doesn't stop you from sharing ideas in the future. We need more people willing to share ideas so we can have good thought diversity.

That being said, I don't think this is a good reason to leave Reddit or hate Reddit.

I know a lot of us are really highly charged right now and the Reddit hate is strong. We got burned by something that was a major part of our lives for many years. But the toxicity of the participants is not exactly a Reddit thing. This is an internet thing. You are not getting away from that here.

I have had similar experiences as OP on Reddit and I'm also seeing similar behaviors on Lemmy as well, particularly now that it is growing faster.

Lemmy and federated services in general do not automatically mean that the community is nicer or are more respectful. That is not the problem these services try to solve. They solve issues of ownership and centralization. Even communities like Beehaw aren't free from this either. I've seen some pretty toxic behavior, even on Beehaw. They can't escape that. But what they can do is set a standard for expected behaviors and then moderate the community as best they can. This doesn't eliminate the problem, but at least it sets a stage where we can play, and call out when someone crosses the line.

So let's not kid ourselves. When people from different backgrounds, views, and intents come together with the capability of being anonymous and behind a screen, the bad actors WILL come and join the fray. That's just part of internet connected life.

I always have had this experience. I posted a silly mess up I had with my 3D printer once and all the comments were focused on the fact that I had a printer that wasn’t part of the circlejerk of “best printers according to the subreddit”.

I got called a dumbass and there was a comment chain where 2 people pondered about just how stupid I would have to be to buy the printer I have now.

Not a single comment referring to my actual post, just all jumping down my throat because I dare not buy the Ender 3.