You just woke up and it’s actually July 14, 2013. What do you do?

Buy bitcoin

Legitimately invest a shitload into Bitcoin before cashing out at the top of the last bull market we just had (waiting a good number of years until then just having fun being young.) I'd then buy a plot of land in the middle of nowhere, set it up to be completely off-grid (as much as can be done, anyway), and then live happily in peaceful isolation while the world burns itself to the fucking ground and I hopefully die before I hit 60.

Unfortunately I didn't do any of that in 2013, so I'm still working on step one here in 2023... whatever the hell the right move is in 2023.

Same course it took the first time, only sped up by three years:

• Confront my "fiancee" about what the fuck his problem is, and make clear that if the relationship keeps going like this, there's no point in keeping it.

He won't care any more than he did the first time around. He was too pigheaded for that and he never believed I'd actually do it. But I would have given him an overt shot.

• A bit more mindful of the bc, perhaps.

• Take an ex-friend up on their romantic offer much more quickly. I wasn't ready to jump back in at the time, but in my head I would now have been single for years.

He'd probably have the same reaction to this that he had last time — evaporating from my life completely — but I figure I might as well while we're still talking and I'm not going to lose anything I haven't already lost.

• Consider transportational/long-distance options in regards to the same college as before, as I am magically aware of one single existing career option that I'm actually passionate about instead of just performing for sustenance. Don't drop out this time.

Also fight tooth and nail to take A/P like the requirements suggest is necessary. There is a fuck up either in their system or in the counselor's brain.

• Call my dad/accept one of his calls.

He has an impossibly hard time not being abusive at pure random, and I don't think there was ever any choice I could make that he wouldn't find fault with. Telling him all the above may make him proud but probably not. But he kills himself next year and he turns out to be the parent that loved me.

• Persuade him about/do not dawdle on what little he leaves you in the will he never signs.

• Put your inheritance in the stock market where it belongs, not in "good people" who "really need the help" so they aren't "legit starving bro" like you're starving. Two legs bad.

• Cry substantially and more than once. The best baby kitty you will ever meet is at the helpless mercy of someone you don't want to share a state with, much less "date" in order to care for her.

What do we do. She has no one else, so now she has no one. Do we have an obligation to pretend, in the hopes of taking the cat when we leave?