At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?
At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?
I'm writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole "lying to children about Christmas" thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it's completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.
Two questions:
What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the "magic of Christmas" at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.
And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a "talk"? Let them figure it out on their own?
Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn't real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.
Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?
My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.
We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”
When they directly ask you, you tell the truth, doesn’t matter the age. They probably won’t ask until well into elementary school. Here is an interesting Psychology Today article about lying to your kids about Santa. To sum it up, not really harmful. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-nature-deception/201912/should-you-lie-kids-about-santa
First, prove Santa Claus doesn't exist and then we can talk about your opinions.
At what age do you tell boomer parents the truth about Christmas? That their daughter who moved away to the "bIg CiTy" so she could get an "eDuCaTiOn" and pursue a "CaReEr" and "dRiNk LaTtEs" is actually happy there, is not going to come home from Christmas, fall in love with the blue collar boy who never left town, and magically discover the rural housewife life is what she actually wanted all along?
I think a key observation in my childhood, was that adults don't generally know what's best, or right, or even what's true. Intentions mattered more than some arbitrary 'correct' behavior. I figure all children work this out at some level, faster than we're willing to acknowledge :D
So I guess yeah, it is a bit weird, but that doesn't make it bad. Maybe the best we can do is suggest parents hold their children's best interests at heart, and do what's best for their specific situation.
Just don't play into it. My parents never did the Santa gifts thing from the beginning. All our gifts were from mom, dad, grandma/grandpa, etc.
I never got a "talk" that I can remember about Santa not being real, it just never was a thing.
No magic was lost for me or my siblings. Christmas was still our favorite holiday of the year. Still had tons of fun decorating, making cookies and gingerbread houses, making gift wishlists, going out to get a tree, putting up lights, getting up early Christmas morning to open gifts, etc.
Most magical time of my life personally as a kid during the season, nothing was lost by not believing in Santa bringing me presents.
Emphasize the important things about the season. It's about generosity, spreading joy to others, celebrating friends and family that we don't get to see often, etc. Don't make it consumeristic. I wish my folks had taken me and my sibs to help at some sort of community function around the holidays. Although as we got into our teens, we would do food drives and toys for tots, etc. Which was good.
My kids have always known Santa wasn't real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It's like playing pretend, and doesn't make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it's ok that a strange old man you don't know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn't be trusted).
For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it's not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.
The sooner you can tell your kids God's not real, the better. Just make sure you tell them it's not their job to explain that to their peers.
Unless you meant Santa. In which case the same applies.
My parents always told me the "truth" about Christmas: it's Jesus' birthday, and Santa Claus is a lie from the devil meant to turn you away from God.
I grappled with this question for awhile as a young parent. A thing that I noticed about kids is that they are great at make-believe, and they will get endless enjoyment from things that they made up themselves.
So I gave them presents "from Santa", I filled stockings on Christmas Eve, etc., and we all knew we were playing the Christmas game together. I don't think there was any lack in wonder or enjoyment.
I also made sure that they knew that some folks take it really seriously and believe Santa is real and everything, and that's really none of your business so just play along and don't ruin it for them.
It's just horrible to see secular people intentionally lying to their kids. It fosters mistrust. Sure, celebrate Christmas, and put the presents in the stocking and whatnot, make it fun. But to lie to your kids about who's doing it seems totally unnecessary and harmful. Same for the tooth fairy. Fortunately for me, my parents didn't lie to me about the tooth fairy. And I appreciate that.
There is no evidence that belief in Santa is harmful to children, nor is telling them the truth. They only believe in Santa for like maybe three years, and they’ll figure it out on their own. The vast majority of kids figure it out by age ~7-8. You can tell them whatever you want, it won’t matter either way.
If you do tell them the truth, or they figure it out on their own, be sure to also tell them that even if they don’t believe, other kids do, and being a Santa-truther will not win them any prizes or make them any friends. It’s a good lesson about living in a society.
As an ex-child, I figured it out on my own at the age of 6. You see, back then, our gifts would be given to us by a Santa Claus in a suit at our kindergarten, and the gifts would be what we wrote letters for with our parents. We would tell our parents, and they would "write" and "send" the letters. Then they would buy, pack, and label the present, and then bring it in to our kindergarten sometime earlier. On one of the last days when we break up for Christmas, the Santa would come to our kindergarten and we would take photos with them and our presents. After that, we would go home with the presents and get the photos soon. Now, as you can clearly see in the picture from the previous year, the santa has a very different beard and suit, far too different to be real. Alongside that, a roll of the same wrapping paper was hidden behind my parents' wardrobe, and last but not least, my name on the present was written in my mother's unique and very recognisable handwriting style. Not bad for a 6-year-old, huh?
We used Santa (et al.) as an exercise in critical thinking. Outside of saying, "Yep, the Easter Bunny did it." we never directly lied about it. If they asked a question about it, we answered truthfully.
Child: "Whoa, how does he visit all those homes in one night?"
Dad: "It's impossible unless he uses magic."
C: "Whoa magic is real??"
D: "Nope."
They all figured it out on their own before they hit grade school.
If I had kids I'd just do what every parent I know including my own did and let them find out themselves. I feel like it's more natural that way.
As soon as you want. They usually only care about the presents anyway. Doesn't matter if it was given to them in a fat guy in a red suit or by their parents.
Just let them figure it out. I planted walkie talkies in the living room to catch santa when I was about 9.
From the very beginning. It's much more magical and less creepy.
No magic for me, I told them immediately as they could understand. That shit is a gateway to religion. I didn't even care if they believed me or the liars, I was quietly ready to be found right in some years, but the keepers of the ol' magic flame were not persuasive enough and my brood went around redpilling their peers.
We just never invested in that with our kid. We said things like, "it's fun to pretend" and "some other families believe..."
It isn't hard. I grew up believing Native Americans were Israelites and there were ancient records written on metal plated under a hill in central New York. Many families believe our don't believe certain things.
I'm seeing a lot of judgement on pretending Santa exists vs being 100% truthful with your kids. I don't think either way is a bad way, but don't judge others if they choose to pretend Santa is real.
With that being said, I do agree that if you are going to go with the Santa story, when the kid asks if they are real you should be truthful.
I just went through this with my 9 year old. She just came up one day and asked me if Santa was real and I told her no. There were a lot of follow up questions and it made her realize the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc were the same situation. She asked me why we pretended Santa was real and I explained for us it was nice to see the magic that they felt from a stranger being kind just for kindness sake.
For me personally, I think it's a good lesson for kids to begin logically questioning their world and what they've been told.
I waited until he was 8 years old before explaining the horror of Satan Claws
We "believed" it until I was like 8. I didn't really believe it that long but played along thinking I could potentially be getting more presents if my parents had to buy gifts from themselves and "Santa".
We have always celebrated the winter solstice and Santa Claus with our kids and skipped the lie of Christmas all together.
My dad used to dress up as Santa Claus and bring gifts to kids at the village's daycare... This required months of work from my mother to buy toy packs and similar stuff to separate into little assorted packages for the kids. This started before I was born, it was impossible to hide the fact from me growing up, and they never tried to pretend Santa was real, they just told me not to tell the other kids. I had no further questions or doubts to be assuaged.
In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.
My brother was straight up with his kids from the start. He didn't want some imaginary fat man taking credit for the thoughtful gifts he gives them.
I never grew up with Santa and don't plan on any kids of mine doing so if I become a mom.
I was 2 and a half and spotted that Santa was wearing my Dad's shoes. As I thought he'd killed my father and robbed his shoes I was upset and my parents had to explain that Santa wasn't some kind of murder hobo but that the Wellington boots that came.with the Santa outfit were too.small, so my Dad had to use his own. Never did me any harm.
Not sure if it will help, I was looking for another video about Santa specifically. But could not find it. In that video he says that he did not dismiss Santa's tales but also did not engage with it. And at a certain point question the tales and asked the kids how they know that's Santa who is giving them presents. Then the kids looked for ways to find out, and discovered themselves. (If I remember correctly)
We always said Santa was a fun make believe activity, but then our house has a lot of fantasy media so what's one more myth?
I don't remember being told that santa existed, growing in a deeply religious family christmas was always about Jesus. Now I'm an atheist so I guess 16-18 when I found out it's actually a pagan festival that the romans ductaped Christianity to it
Not christmas stuff here but also giftbringer once a year.
Most times the children get to know the truth at 6-8 year. When they are in the year off school you get to write and read... If you don t know yet the others will tell you. And sometimes a bit of laughing. Hardcore believers are like 10. Never saw one older than that.
My sister was 4 she wanted proof. So explained. I was 6 and mam told me cause my relatives got always so mutch more and she did not wanted me to feel bad. Or think i was bad. My niece was 10 and she was like 2 days sad crying in het bed after dhe was told.
Well, the Queen is dead now, so you're free to give up the ghost on everything else.
Except... for Tom Turkey.
We have to all take that secret to our graves.
My kids are of the age where they're starting to think critically about it. We've never directly lied and said that he's real and have instead answered their questions with a "do you think he's real?", and then they have a think and conclude that he is.
When they come to us with more of a statement than a question, for example "Santa isn't real, is he?", then we will let them in on the ruse.
I found the present stash when I was about 5-6 years old and spent a few years continuing to go through the motions of Santa, playing dumb. I was also told by a non-Christian kid around that time that Santa was fake (not sure which came first). It made me very upset for a day, which is why I remember so clearly, and then I realized either way Christmas is still great. I'm glad I played dumb, for my sister's sake, and I think my parents got a kick out of it.