I only had to listen to my parents verbally fight together for hours every single day/evening for about 3-4 years when I was a kid. That fucked me up pretty bad too and I'm so afraid of and anxious nowadays with my girlfriend and avoid all conflicts if I can and just pull me into myself when there are issues.
I don't have the same background for it, but currently doing the exact same thing. Tiptoeing around eggshells to avoid conflict of any sort, retreating and agreeing at the slightest sign of friction. Recently started seeing a therapist that made me aware of how incredibly toxic and self-destructive this is. We both gotta be better, take care of yourself man.
Yo, my wife struggles with this. Because I had the same issue with my parents fighting and now any time there's a conflict I either shut down or fucking panic. She'll get frustrated and literally just need some time and I'll go in to survival mode, and generally make things worse. We've been together long enough to learn how to cope with that but it was pretty hairy for a little bit.
Bro, get some therapy for that shit. Don't let it set a coarse for your relationship.
Luckily I have the sweetest girlfriend who does not judge me or say bad things to me ever. We both have had our issues in the past and now we support eachother and it's really nice. She now knows how I react and understands why and gives me some space. That have actually made me come out of my shell a bit and significantly reduced the anxiety whenever there's a small disagreement. I've slowly learned that disagreement does not equal fighting, but can actually lead to interesting talks about what and why each of us like different things. I can still flinch inside a bit whenever there's a small disagreement, but have slowly learned to talk about it instead of just locking it up. It has taken years however.
Plot twist: They create a spoiled child who never learned how to deal with the sting of disappointment and thus seldomly learn from their mistakes...
I realize you're making a funny but I wanted to point out just in case anyone took this comment seriously, this is not how any of this works. Being positive about your child's accomplishments doesn't spoil them. It's setting them up for false expectations that does it.
Yea, that's why it requires the plot twist. Though cheering on non-accomplishment like mid performances or roles like trees, is a good way to set the false expectation of receiving praise for effort instead of accomplishment.
Though that lesson can be good or bad depending on what they learn about effort. If they think all effort deserves praise, that's bad.
Every day more and more child development research shows that one of the worst things we can do to our children is discourage them when it comes to participation. Even in jest these sentiments only perpetuate harmful childrearing.
Mine was a joke emphasizing the other extreme and getting the unexpected. If you take a joke response to a joke seriously, it is not my problem.
Furthermore, the joke is only really a joke if the result is unexpected. You are ironically implying a spoiled child is a reasonably possible outcome when you act so offended over the mere implication.
Talk about delimiting both ends of your subclauses. #americanGhostComma.
believe in your kids.
Maybe they were just worried and in their own weird way it came from a place of love. I don't know, but as my own failures pile up I just hope my kids know I'm trying.
