Hello to my friends from Lemmy, the title may be misleading to some.
Long story short, I was in a relationship for a bit over 2 years and I broke up with her recently. I blocked her everywhere, and initially struggled with not thinking about her and our relationship all the time, but now I find it hard to think. Although I have coped and detached very well, it seems that I have nothing to think of, and if I'm not spending my time on entertainment or studying (e.g. in the car) I resort to thinking about my relationship again. It's been making me really unproductive and I'm not even sure what I was like when I was single.
It's not that I am obsessed with "her" or feeling anything, but I can't focus on nothing - it seems that my mental resources keep running and forcing me to concentrate on something. But I don't want to think of "her" again. The past few days I often thought of "her" sexually romantically or as physically present, but now I often stress about the relationship itself and question all the decisions I may have made in the relationship. I mean I've considered actions and things that happened in my relationship in a productive way but I keep on going back to thinking of those things again (which isn't helpful at all).
Does anyone have advice on how I can sit and focus productively or even neutrally, instead of trying to rethink and overthink a relationship that I've already thought of.
What you are living is completely normal. It takes time to re-devolop your individuality. Give it some time, treat yourself (cook nice things for yourself, go see some friends you didn't see for a while, pick up some hobbies).
Recall what hobbies you had before her. Which hobbies so totally engrossed you that you forgot to eat? I used to play old PC games from the 90s so much that I'd realize I hadn't eaten all day... Those'll give you something to think about.
Thanks. I'm feeling much better now but will still reply. I tried not to do those things as I was in a dark place and now have to channel my thoughts in a more productive way.. now focusing on family and development more, kind of forcing it. And it helped me a lot though it's far from a perfect journey. Try reading my other comment replies!
My man, as a fella past the mid point of his life who just got contacted by his first love from 3 decades ago, that constant longing you're feeling might be something real. Create some space around yourself and really try to work out how you feel and go from there. I'm filled with regret on the choices made, my advice to you for what it's worth is don't be like me.
Thank you for the advice brother. I created as much distance i could, and used to think of contacting her again, but forced myself to stick to my decision. It feels like that part of my brain that once used to pulse with love is now turned off. Although I hadn't felt love in a long time in my relationship either. I focused on myself and did professional and personal development. I'm sure I am on the right path right now!
Find some hobby. Even one is enough but it must something that you find interesting. That will keep your mind entertained and focused so it won't wander around.
Love, and by extension the relationship that comes with it, trigger the same parts of the brain that addictions do. What you are experiencing sounds like the withdrawal symptoms of that addiction.
They will subside eventually.
The hard part is not replacing your addiction with another one. Or at least not with a bad one.