I want surgery to lose erotic sensation because I hate sexual feelings. Advice greatly appreciated.
TL;DR - I want surgeries so I can get rid of erotic sensitivity. I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has had any top or bottom surgeries, especially if they had such surgeries for the same reasons as me. What was your experience like? Were there risks that it wouldn't work? Did you have to do anything to make it more likely work? Were there any surprises you wish you knew, even if they weren't serious? (Especially if they were serious!) Also would welcome links to posts or videos by someone who's already gone into details too.
Also a quick point I want to pre-emptively address, since it's a common one I get in my life... if you'd rather say, "You shouldn't get rid of your sexuality, it's good, it's natural, it's part of being human, have you tried to just enjoy it" etc. While I appreciate the concern, before you post such a thing, please bear in mind that I have real life experience; I have some success in 'turning off' my sexuality, it has always only been good. Invariably, the less sexual I am, the happier I am. And yeah, I have tried to 'just enjoy' it. Yeah, under the guidence of a psychiatrist. Yeah, it doesn't work. There is no possibility for me to 'just enjoy' sexual feelings, similar to how there is no possibility for most people to 'just enjoy' being bitten by a swarm of fire ants. Trust me, I am me, therefore I would know. I have had 5 to 10 thousand orgasms in the past 22ish years, I liked 0 of them, hated all of them. No, there's no abuse, I just can't enjoy sexual feelings is all. If that makes me inhuman, so be it, I don't want to be a valid human then. I have something more important for me to be anyways: My Self. ❤
Lengthy rant ensues:
I want top and bottom surgery, probably something like gender nullification surgery, with the primary goal of losing all erotic/sexual sensation and functioning. Currently looking at nipple&areola excision, penectomy, and orchiectomy. Ever since I was able to have any sexual feelings at all - be it lust, the sensations that either increase lust or lead to orgasm, and orgasm itself - I have hated those feelings. I have been taking mediciations (varries over the past ~3 years, ethinyl-estradiol+cyproterone acetate [EE+CA] being the best so far) to tank my libido and impair sexual functioning, such as to cause erectile dysfunction or make orgasm feel less intense. I have had great success with getting rid of my libido for a roughly 1 year period. Exactly as I always knew would be the case, the less sexual I feel, the better I am in every way that matters: I feel happier, calmer, more rational. My emotions are better regulated, I work, sleep better, eat healthier, my social life blossomed, I exercise regularly, I can actually focus on my education... getting rid of my sexuality is practically a miracle drug, it has improved literally everything about my life.
I was getting these medications through the magical internet, and I know some of their side effects like increased risk of stroke. So last year I sought a doctor to help find a safer substitute. They prescribed estradiol and spironolactone, which, as best as I can tell, caused the greatest harm of my life. As my estradiol levels rose, my libido launched like a rocket, my body became immensely erotically sensitive, I even had a period where I was so sensitive that I almost had orgasms without any stimulation. I was near totally bedridden for about 3 months like that. When I went off the estradiol+spironolactone, my libido came back down. Later I switched back to the original EE+CA and my libido tanked, but while my erotic sensitivity has decreased, still some lingers. I almost never experience sensations absent of stimulation anymore, but some days my body is sensitive enough that exercises like biking or running are impossible. I have to be careful with the colder weather coming up, since even just my clothes brushing against my nipples can be erotically stimulating as well. Not to mention, my nipples tend to become erect in cold weather, which can be self-stimulating due to changes in skin tightness, as well makes them easier to stimulate accidentally. Not good.
So that brings me to surgery. I have been using lidocaine creams, and lidocaine+phenylephrine sprays, on nipples and penis, to render them insensitive, and that helps a lot, though not perfectly. I believe this indicates that the problem with sensitivity is 'skin deep', so my thinking is, if I didn't have nipples or a penis, or scrotal skin, then that should fix things; can't stimulate what isn't there, right?
I have been talking with my doctors about this, and have reached out to a few surgeons and therapists. I've only discussed top surgery so far, and the surgeons basically say, nipple excision is simple enough to do, they have experience with performing it, one has mentioned hearing that this procedure has been used to nullify erotic sensitivity, but all have said they have no experience with doing it for the purposes of nullifying erotic sensation. So that's why I'm reaching out on the internet, anyone who has had any gender confirming surgeries, and especially if you had such surgeries with the primary goal of losing erotic sensation, please tell me about your experience, please tell me what you know. Is it guaranteed to work? Is there any risk of surgeries increasing erotic sensitivity? What questions would you recommend I ask the surgeons, doctors, or therapists? Can you link me to any resources to help me make a better informed decision or possibly even something that might be useful for the surgeon to know?
I'm somewhat confused by the terminology you're using: sexual sensations are physical, erotic sensations are psychical.
You can have erotic sensations without any sexual stimulation (like watching someone in erotic clothing), and vice versa, have sexual sensations and functioning without erotic thoughts (there are means of purely electrical orgasm induction).
What you describe as physical means of reducing stimulation, do not necessarily eliminate erotic ideation, so I think you should first very carefully establish whether it's the physical or the mental sensations that are at the root of your trouble.
so my thinking is, if I didn't have nipples or a penis, or scrotal skin, then that should fix things; can't stimulate what isn't there, right?
That's... not exactly correct. Our minds have a "body map" that reflects the stimulation of different parts (and cancel stimulation when two parts come in contact, which is why we usually react more to someone else's touch, than to our own armpits, arms or legs rubbing against each other all the time)... but when a part is missing, you can get a perception of over-stimulation, with all kinds of sensations:
Keep in mind that if you were to get that, you would lose any physical means of controlling which sensations you perceive, which could be even worse than the current situation.
Given they're already taking E and CA, wouldn't an orchi just mean not needing the CA? It wouldn't do anything about the excess sensivity they're dealing with. Also given the issues they had with just E+spiro, it could just make things worse.
Well in theory it could kill off any remaining sex drive since they are already reducing their testosterone and that helped, maybe removing it altogether would help more. But you're right, it's definitely a risky option and might not help in the way they want.
Haven't had surgeries for this, though probably would consider doing so if my body were as sensitive as yours, as I also loathe those sensations. Knew someone who was as tormented as you seem to be, and it seemed like absolute hell.
Unfortunately, any surgery has a risk of increased sensitivity. That can mean pain rather than arousal, though the two are closely linked.
Might make sense to consult a neurologist or neurosurgeon as they have more comprehensive, relevant training in this stuff.
I know we're on Lemmy and it's considered poor form to link back to Reddit, but you might really find the folks on r/FreedTheNips useful regarding top surgery. When I got my top surgery I opted to keep my nipples. I still have sensation in them, but not nearly as much as I had pre-surgery. I would assume removing them entirely would mean getting rid of all sensation, but I'm sure the people on the subreddit would have a better answer than me.
Best of luck, because it sounds like you're in a real rough situation.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't read all of that, because I'm supposed to be working, but having had top and bottom surgery, I can give my bit of insight.
I fucking hated how horny I was ALL THE FUCKING TIME!! I can't describe how disruptive and just fucked up it was. I think I've blocked a lot of it out tbh. I never really enjoyed orgasms, it was just a bunch of work that lead up to a great nothing burger, but after masturbating, all I wanted to do was masturbate again.
I was lucky to start HRT in 2009 and that took a lot of it away, it got to the point where I didn't think about sex at all, I went the complete other direction, I would go months without masturbating and it was kinda bliss. I still felt sexual attraction, but it was nothing like it was.
I eventually got another gf and initially the excitement of us all ended up with us having a lot of sex, but a few months into our relationship, I got an orchi and all that went away, I had 0 interest in sex again and didn't really enjoy it, mostly doing it for my partner.
In 2018 i had srs and that changed quite a bit, I got more in touch with my body and started enjoying my sexuality, but that's also faded quite a bit. The intimacy and excitement of sex is nice but I rarely if ever orgasm and masturbating is pretty much just meh.
Anyways, the point of telling you all this is that, viewpoints on sex and sexuality can change with body changes, so while your instinct is to remove all possibility of it, I'd start with just removing the feelings first. You could try go on T blockers, specifically Cyproterone acetate, it works wonders at turning this shit off, but it comes with issues in itself, without some form of sex hormones, your bones won't store enough calcium and you will get osteoporosis, so it's not a long term solution either way.
IME, that just leads to more sexual arousal, difficulty sleeping, etc. I'm sure OP has similar lack of success from simply abstaining. Even if masterbating is not pleasant, its sometimes better than the alternative...