I think I have a weird obsession with my memories, and just the overall concept of memories...

Like... you know how a flashback scene in movies/tv feel so emotional sometimes... its kinda like that...

I think I'm just obsessed with that "emotional flashback" feeling, I'm digging into my memories, and reading the "early life" sections of wikipedias, and memoirs.

Am I just being weird af?

Y'all got any weird obsessions you might wanna share?

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I love thinking and telling others about memories too. Although I wouldn't call it an obsession.
You are a real life anime character then. They tend to have flashbacks from within the same episode a lot.
I wonder if you have a lot of internal monologues too.
That's nostalgia. If you enjoy the internet, you're going to get a lot of that because everything is archived.
We can swap if you want, I forget shit all the time.
- You want my traumatic memories? lol
You probably have a very vivid imagination? I'm the reverse, I have no visual imagination at all, and miss part of my memory.
- Vivid? Eh... maybe not. I can't imagine the scenes of a book, its kinda blurry and sometimes in monochrome or just outlines.
  Real memories? Oh fuck. I feel like I was just there moments ago. In that city in a different part of the world where I haven't been to for a long time.
  Also, dreams are weird. I can imagine myself doing things in my current location or some bad thing happens, sometimes the laws of physics bend a little, and me in my dream-state forget physics existed and I couldn't notice the discrepancy, then I wake up and none of that happened, it's as if I just activated a time rewind ability.
Can you give some examples? I'm interested.
- Btw, didn't you say you haven't met much people from outside the US? You should visit a big city sometime... it'll open your mind to the world.
  
  I'd like to think I'm pretty open minded. I know how beautiful the world can be. It's my world that's small and sad. I was in a city last week. I'd rather not say where but it was amazing. I think I'd be a lot happier if I could live there. It's not really an option right now. I didn't have time to sight-see or explore sadly. It was beautiful though. The people who live there seem happier as well. Maybe it's observation bias. I can't be sure.
- I don't wanna type all the details of each memory, but feel free to search through my post history. To summarize:
  The memory of leaving China, that day, being at the airports, the plane ride, arriving at JFK international airport. It was a very blurry memory, but it was a life changing moment.
  The memory of the first days of school in the US.
  The memory being at Coney Island and having fun with my mother and... sometime I think my father was also there.
  The memory of trick or treating... I think I was very shy at the time, very nervous, but I enjoyed candy, and idk if this is "rose colored lens", but restrospectively that was a good memory
  Manahattan
  Times Square
  Chinatown, NYC
  I remember walking across the manhattan bridge and I think brooklyn bridge too? Its a very short snippet of the memory, I was afraid of heights lol. Manahattan bridge scared the shit out of me, idk why I did that lol, totally unnecessary, but I guess I was just a challenge? Conquer my fears? (Fear not yet conquered)
  Malls... lots of malls
  Visited Staten Island Once... some random mall, you know... urban exploration... I didn't even know that it was a conservative stronghold, not I don't remember anyone saying a racial slur... so that's... I guess it's not that bad?
  hmm this is strange. Why do I only remember my mom in these memories? I can't be sure if my dad was there. I mean... he doesn't have much fun conversations... he's kinda just... there... in the background... or maybe not... don't remember.
  I think I went to Bronx once? Some zoo thing? not sure if actually went in there or not. This reminds me of the Curious George thing we got from the libaray, the story where the monkey got separated form the man on the subway or something on the way to the zoo?. Lol random memories I didn't know I had. Pretty sure I remembered the monkey had a tail, but... Mandella Effect says no... lol.
  A bunch of random activities outside of school that I HATED, but... you know... Asian parents... 🤷‍♂️
  Family trip with the extended family (aunts cousins, etc...) to Six Flags...
  NYC Subway Rides, like its fun when exploring a new part of NYC. I remember the subways more vividly than the acual destinations lmao...
  The view from the Manhattan Bridge as the train cross the bridge. I remember times of it being late at night and I saw the city lights in the darkness, it was beautiful... at least in my memory it was beautiful... kid-me was bored as hell since I was probably tied from cisiting my paternal grandparents in Manhattan.
  Mcdonalds near the neighborhood
  Public Libraries... playing flash games on the computers... later games running on Unity Engine... web fps games... I'd remember the times when the libraries close, there's like two near my house (like 30 minute walk on opposite directions), I don't think I was allowed there alone, too young at the time, only can go when my mom was available (or dad, but I think we was busy)
  8th Avenue, Brooklyn, NYC, the "Mini Chinatown" as they call it, a lot of ethnic Chinese and their stores and restaurants. Oh I remember my mom had a classmate reunion thingy and holy shit they talk forever at the restaurant and I wanna go home (I had no phone, no entertainment devices... smartphones weren't even a thing yet, I don't think)
  Central Park
  Another smaller park in/near Chinatown thay I used to play in... sometimes... like we are about to leave for brooklyn and go home, but adults be doing mysterious adult talk. Or maybe I did wanna play? Idk.
  Chunk E. Cheese in Brooklyn. It was on the D-Train one stop before it crosses the Manhattan Bridge, we get off on that stop, and that's the place. It was fun... but now I kinda understand why I felt anxious around those other kids... I'm Asian... lol... or maybe I was just socially awkward? or just lack of confidence being new in the country... But anyways, I remember having fun... I remember just begging my parents to get more those coin thingy... especially dad, dad was always easy to pursuade, mom was very frugal with money lol.
  I think that's all on the top of my head right now. Can't believe I didn't even cherish those moments at the time... and now those momemts are gone, forever, becoming a distant memory.
  Even now typing out these memories, I'm mentally reliving it.
  Hmm why do I feel so emotional over memories, yet at the time, when I was there for real, I just didn't even feel this emotional. Yeah... so I have an obsession with memories lol.
  
  I think I understand. I remember quite a bit about my childhood. Though, I don't think about it much. Most of what I recall on the regular is negative. I didn't have a particularly bad childhood, I think it's just my C-PTSD and OCD that only lets me revisit the bad ones. If I try to, I can remember a few good ones from time to time.
  It's funny, I remembered one just a few hours ago while watching a movie. It's a scene in Jacob's Ladder that helped me remember. The main character goes to tuck his son in to bed and he didn't want his dad to leave. That made me remember a similar moment with my dad. I asked if he'd check on me in half an hour. I said something to the effect of "How about I come check on you in an hour and a half" to which I agreed. I haven't thought about it in years. It was nice to remember something pleasant. Me and my dad are pretty adversarial now. I wish we weren't.
  I have lots of memories playing outside with my mom, dad, and siblings. We went to the beach, we went camping, we went to the movies. I think we all used to be happier. It's hard for me to give specific examples. I don't remember most of my memories clearly enough.
  Memories are very emotional like you said. I enjoyed reading yours. Thank you for sharing.

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