Which have you perfected?

I favour the "I just got a text message – oh no! My friend isn't meeting me in this direction after all! Time to roll my eyes and go and meet them in that other direction! My friend is such a silly goat!" performance.

I have not mastered that yet. Either I just turn and admit defeat or when I'm really watched I continue in the wrong direction until I'm out of sight and then take the scenic route to my destination
such a silly goat
Maurice Moss, is this you?

Saying goodbye to your friend before realizing you both parked next to each other, so you follow not too closely behind so they don't notice.

Might as well abandon the car and buy a new one

At 40:

the hugely comedic full sprint when someone holds the door
the floating daintily across freshly mopped floors
the careless instantaneous turn without slowing down first
the art of interrupting

Pausing in the middle of a busy narrow corridor to adjust your glasses
Being far too comfortable holding people hostage with yet another anecdote
Mastering a unified greeting hug for all genders, no cheek-kissing neccesary
Writing lists
- homies kiss on the lips

I just own the mistake and turn around. No one gives a fuck in public.

It's funnier when you are leaving a social event and you need to change directions in front of the people you were just with.

The exaggerated but not very enthusiastic “Woah, you scared me!” when a little kid says, “Boo!”

As a former little kid, we always knew you weren't actually scared, but we liked messing with you
As a former little kid, we always thought you were actually scared, but we blindly believed you
as a former little kid, do you know where the tv remote is? i've looked everywhere
Going along with child's play is such an important skill. It doesn't always come naturally, but with a bit of practice, it gets easier
- I'm never going to be a parent and I can only tolerate kids in small doses, but I do know that if a small child hands you something even remotely phone-like, you answer that shit.

Trying to look engaged at meetings with a quick head nod, sometimes with opening eyes a bit extra.

"Valmond, you seem to agree with the task. How about you head this project and we check on your progress with yet another meeting."
- Let's find a time for the pre-meeting at 14h.

I absolutely do 1 and 2. 4, maybe on rare occasions? 3, though, can fuck off. Slapping my pockets a bit is just redirecting "forgot which way east was" to "forgot my wallet"; I was a dumbass either way

There is a legitimate chance that I really did forget my wallet though

3 sounds like main character syndrome. Why would anyone even care? I usually just suddenly stop walking, look around confused until I figured out what is happening.
- don't forget to lick your finger and check the wind before you turn around
I just usually don’t realize I’m goin the wrong way until I’ve reached the wrong place.

One finger hand raises aren't enough for me because despite being a force of nature, I’m often quite lacking in assertiveness in social situations. If I want someone’s attention I go full “engaged student” on them. Big shit-eating grin so everyone knows I understand what I’m doing is silly, hand held high, holding my elbow so I can outlast their lack of attention. Acknowledge anyone who looks at me funny with a renewed grin to make them smile/giggle with me.

I do this in busy bars, at meetings, at large social events.. people do giggle a bit but everyone knows what the signal is for, so it works, and it’s completely passive so not rude at all, and I can giggle along with them because it IS kinda silly for a 40yo to do that. Buuuuuut it works. It also tends to enroll other people who notice and point it out, just like in class!

It’s one of the things I do instead of masking; it allows me to be part of conversations without interrupting, or gets me what I need without yelling.

I’ve mastered the rest of them though….

Oh you are supposed to pretend not to be a navigation disaster?

Missed that one.

4/4

Bonus Level:

feigning genuine appreciation for something done with no care or effort, that was given in hopes of allowing the interaction to end faster and with less friction. Example: Them: "And here's some extra napkins!" smile Me, resisting the urge to say "Don't worry, I'm a mess, but I'm not that messy!": "Thanks!"smile and fucking off

Your inner world is riddled with neurotic anxieties and I like that
- Mine is too and it's hell lol

none, i dont socialize.

Still working on the turn around. It's a tough one.

Who is Jonathan and why should I care about his text posts?

EDIT: Wow, you lot are very defensive of your beloved Jonathan.

Since no one could inform me who he is i went and looked him up.

https://www.jonathanedwarddurham.com/

This is a community for somewhat humorous text posts from various sources.
The author of the post isn’t the focus, but some people are very very frequent content uploaders, so their stuff gets shared more.
You’d be surprised how much of certain parts of the internet are held together by a handful of people (Lemmy especially).
- You’d be surprised how much of certain parts of the internet are held together by a handful of people (Lemmy especially).
  If something happened to Stamets, we'd all be goners. We already lost FlyingSquid (alive, just not active anymore) and I think The Picard Maneuver was away for a while
Who are you and why should I care about your comment?
- You shouldn't, that's the thing about opinions, they are worthless.
LadyButterfly likes to post his stuff. You're welcome to post the people that you like instead.
- The only type of content I consume of this genre is from lemmy.
  I'll do you a deal, you post some witty twitter type posts on lemmy and I'll screen shot it and repost it here.
The community is Microblog Memes. It's all text posts. If it's too much reading for you just block and move on.
- Yes, too much reading that's it..
  Or perhaps it's because someone is strangely fixated on Jonathan..

the one finger hand raise always seems pretentious to me