i have lost 138 lbs (63 kg) so far and the body horror of it all is hitting me

when i started losing weight in November of 2024 my last recorded weight was 363 lbs (165 kg). it was the heaviest i ever reached but i was not convinced it couldn't have been worse given enough time. having lost so much weight at this point i am noticing parts of my body i have no recollection of seeing until now lol. like.. what do you mean the tendons on my fingers are visible when i move them??? huh there's also the same for my feet, and then the are veins more visible as well??? it's freaking me out.. i'm feeling constant reminders that i am a meat machine with bones and blood and i exist inside a skull.

it's making me have to recognize my body as more than a depressed blob i piloted against my will. i'm starting to not absolutely despise what i see in reflective surfaces. mirrors are not embarrassing like they used to be. i expect to keep seeing my bigger self and am pleasantly surprised when i don't.

now.. i still have roughly 50 more lbs (23 kg) to lose before i'm at my target weight goal, and then i will reassess and decide from there to maintain or lose more. it's hard to believe that i am 74% of the way complete. i didn't think i'd be here ever and now i'm living it.

anyway yeah, why are human bodies weird? gahhhhhhHHHHHHHH