Sunlight special

This is not a full English due to the following issues or errors:

Fried eggs are ideal, poached acceptable, and some oddballs like scrambled. Boiled egg is not acceptable. There should be two eggs as standard, more if the breakfast is a 'large'.
It's missing baked beans, which should have been simmered until the sauce thickens into a syrup.
While cafes love to serve this kind of tomato that's only because it's easy to keep a pot of chopped, tinned tomatoes warm. If you're going tinned, they should be good quality whole plum tomatoes. But well-grilled fresh tomatoes are preferable. No cherries. No vine attached. Definitely no raw tomato.
It's missing the black pudding which elevates the humble fry-up into the glory that is a proper full English.
Experienced afficionados of the full English almost all prefer cooked sausages over raw ones.
The mushrooms look like they came in a tin. Ideally whole field or chestnut mushrooms shoud be used.
There seems to be a lack of hot buttered toast (with optional marmelade).

There is hearty debate amongst the governing body of the full English about whether or not hash browns are acceptable on a breakfast. Many declare them to be unwanted compared to, for example, bubble and squeak or a tattie scone, or even fried potatoes, or a fried slice for that matter. They go further and label them 'trash browns', 'American nonsense', or just 'shite'. Personally I don't mind them, and consider them to be an optional addition, but not a core requirement of the full English. There are many other optional additions, not to mention regional specialities which render an Ulster fry very different to a full Welsh or a full Scottish. Hogs pudding, white pudding, fruit pudding, haggis, Lorne sausage, potato farl, soda bread, laverbread, kidneys, etc.

There is also a hugely spirited disagreement over the serving of baked beans. There are, by-and-large, three schools of thought with regards the beans (not counting those poor,deluded fools who don't like them). Firstly there's the 'put the beans in a pot' faction who are scared of bean juice contaminating other ingredients. Secondly there are those who eschew the ramekin, considering them to be one of the ultimate signs of pretention. They insist that the beans should be on the plate, but segregated from the other ingredients by a barrier of sausages. Lastly, there is the sane and balanced group who believe that the beans should be put on the plate with no barrier, ideally in the middle. This group of illuminated Full Monty enjoyers recognise that the mixing of bean juice, tomato juice, and egg yolk forms the most perfect gravy of the gods. I, myself, am in the latter camp.

I am available for for keynote speeches on the subject should anyone be organising a full English conference.

Love that you took the time to write this out as a comment on a shitpost. That’s dedication!
- Some things matter!
I think that a full english isn't an exclusionary meal. I think there are a few factors it needs to be in the category of full english but that there are many variations and additions or subtractions that still count.
In my opinion the only things required for a full english are any 4 of the following:
fried eggs
sausages
bacon
beans
toast
Anything less is not "full" and anything more is a variation of the full english.
Hash browns? Sure! ulsterfry? Go for it! Mushrooms? Absolutely! Tomatoes (grilled of course) yes please! Black pudding (not for me) bring it on!
But there is no singular thing that makes it a full english, it just has to have enough of the core ingredients to meet the criteria.
- What you describe is a mere fry-up. The required ingredients of a full English are eggs, bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, and tomato. Six perfect ingredients.
  There’s nothing wrong with a fry-up, mind you. But it’s not a full English without the six.
- I tend to agree on that more flexible definition with a few core ingredients as baseline but it does seem to me that that core list needs to include at least one regional speciality item specific to the British Isles because I think that's what the "full" part is really referring to as opposed to just a "fry up" as the other bloke suggested. I think in general in England that's probably black pudding.
  This thinking is because that minimum combination you listed is fairly common in a few places including Australia and while I don't speak from experience, I think with the exception of the beans if wouldn't be a totally strange or foreign combination in America either.
Considering the quality of the cooking points to it being committed by an American black pudding likely wasn't available as it's illegal in the United States.
- Are you sure?
  Wikipedia tells me blood sausages are available in Puerto Rico, Wisconsin, Maine, Michigan, the San Francisco Bay Area, Fresno, Santa Rosa, and of course, Cajun Louisiana.
- Should be illegal everywhere
This is poetry. If you ever do a Ted talk please let me know.
A long time ago I was in old Blighty for the first time for work and the locals took care of me foodwise. I remember getting all the usual "English food is terrible" remarks before going and I didn't know any better so I was worried when I arrived.
Everything was delicious, I loved all of it. The full English especially, that could power you through supper.
- You rarely have a full English followed by a heavy lunch. More likely a heavy nap.

Don't be ridiculous. Where would they get sunlight in England?

They'd steal it from the Irish and the Scots, just like everything else.
- We already did. That’s why they’re both permanently shrouded in cloud.

A skilled vet could still save this pig!

Lmfaoooo

Sausages are still oinking a little

The utter lack of seasoning make me think this is authentic.

The seasoning is the bacon grease this all cooks in. Besides salt and pepper for the egg, that's generally all this needs.
- a worrying amount of people seem to only consider habanero peppers as flavourful, anything else is unseasoned
What sort of seasoning would you require on sausages or mushrooms..?
- I understand that the shrooms in a full English are usually just this way, but literally speaking you can season the shit out of mushrooms with all sorts of flavorings.
- Salt & cracked pepper, ideally the mushrooms cooked in butter with a bit of maillard happening. Sausages fine with just a little tomato sauce(ketchup) or spicy tomato chutney.

Cooked via suggestion

Use of the word "brekky" should be punishable by transport to Australia

Im not sure if thats because the grammar or because Aussies actually call it brekky...
That would have been a lot easier than cheaper for me.

I'm not English but I thought there should be toast and beans. The sausage looks anemic.

Yeah, what is with that sausage? It looks absolutely disgusting.
Also not British... Boiled egg? 🤔
- Fried egg is more common, no idea why they did boiled
- Seems like something they'd do.

Brekkele is hessian German for vomiting

The hog penises definitely were cooked with sunlight.

What pillock has turned a tin of chopped tomatoes on

nah probably cooked with a hair dryer

They placed it under the car with the engine running for five minutes
- that's even more specific, I love it lol
- And it's an EV

I love a loaded breakfast, especially before working in the garage or hauling things around.

Some people don't seem to appreciate a hearty meal. How sad.

I see no problems with cooking meals with sunlight. (...as we say here in the solarpunk instance)

However, I do see the practical limitations what comes to attempting to cook meals with sunlight in the UK. I have heard the weather is often not favourable.

i mean the thing with clouds is that they largely just scatter the sunlight, and i'm pretty sure i've seen a reflector design specifically for that situation which works remarkably well.
as we say here in the solarpunk instance
brand new sentence

Cooked? Looks more like raw ingredients.

Gross, I'll stick to a bigass plate full of tofu scramble.

looks... raw...

No one talking about a Fucking boiled egg?

That alone indicates the trolling nature of the post.

I don't get it. Is the joke that this looks undercooked? This looks perfectly normally cooked to me, is it an American thing?

Mushrooms - straight out of the can. Sausage and bacon - raw / smoked. I don't need to explain which color hash BROWNS should have usually right.
Not an American thing.
- I definitely like my hashbrowns low and slow, not dry and crispy when I make them in the air fryer, and they come out like that color. Lightly crisped on the outside and fully cooked on the inside. They are just potatoes after all.
  Everything else on that plate looks like ass.
definitely undercooked, especially the sausages and hash browns

Currently in London on vacation, can confirm that most of the items served to me in the full English breakfast I had were barely cooked, the corned beef was cold out of a can. Do not recommend.

Eww, out of the can?
Wtf? Corned beef? Are you in one of the American cities that are named London rather than the capital of the uk?
- I wish, the chip shops on the other hand have been great.
I'm from the countryside in north of England and have lived in London at points for many years of my life. London is generally the worst for proper British food, in my experience. The best fry ups, fish and chips and all that you're gunna get is in small towns or villages where the place itself is bare bones and no frills. Far cheaper too
That said, I'll of course take most other cuisine over our own. I do like foods that require a good amount of seasoning and some actual spice. Our cuisine is really helped by those too as I see it. But most people here seem to draw the line at black pepper, sadly
Corned beef? Sounds like they were playing a trick on the tourist.
Corned beef? What in Gods name would that be doing in a Full English? A proper Full English is served scalding hot on a plate that’s nearly glowing red. The egg is fried and has brown crispy bits, the bacon fat is browned but the meat is tender and the sausages are anything between brown and dark brown. The beans, well, if you aren’t mad you ask for it without those because they’re disgusting. The bread should be either toasted & buttered or fried in the bacon fat. Deranged people will add HP sauce or, heaven forbid, tomato ketchup, but it is best to offer such people pity and support in the hope that they will one day recover.
Did you get it from a fancy place or a greasy spoon?
- My sister who lives in London took us to The Full Monty Cafe for the meal.