excerpt from Six Resonances by Fatima Hassouna

This massacre taught us how to shrink things, turning them collapsible. The world became so very small that you could carry it on your back. You could reduce the world to one bag, or even to two palms and a naked back!

This massacre taught me how to shrink myself, how to shut up while death was between my jaws, how to listen to its sound as it grew closer, how to train myself to accept the reality of the sudden vanishing of all things, how to accept it without any complaint, without umbrage.

All of what happened, all of what is happening is training us to become everything except a normal human.

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In my head, only one question circles:

What was the martyr thinking about? What was the last thought stuck in his head before a missile smashed it? What were his wishes going to be, if he knew the last moment was coming?

I often think, “If I live to a full age, will it be enough to do all I want and all I wish? And if I die, will all my wishes die with me?”

I am still thinking about this martyr. He came here, was killed, they wiped away his blood, they shrouded him, while none of his family knew yet. But after I left, I saw all their faces: his wife whose eyes were eaten up by tears; his brothers who were in pained shock; and his mother who couldn’t walk any further, hoping she wouldn’t reach him, so she wouldn’t see what she would see. But it was the truth, the fait accompli.

I think about it a lot:

“Really, what was the last thought in his head?

Did he live enough?

Did he die enough?

I don’t know.”

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