I have no idea what I'm doing

Then one day you realize that, they have no idea what they are doing. You think that might be a comforting thought but it ends up keeping you up at night.

I had been waiting from pre-teen, through teenage years, and past my young adult years. Wonder, waiting, hoping I would someday feel like I had "grown up" and was an "adult" now.

That's the trick: it never happens. There's little difference between a "kid" and an "adult" besides obvious physical maturation. You just get new things to juggle and new worries. Bills and job instead of homework. Kids and coworkers and friends (if you're lucky) instead of HS drama. I still don't feel that much different at the core than I did at ~18 and that was 19 years ago.
- Funny story, instead of referring to groups of adults as " hey guys," I like to refer to them as "hey kids." You know how many grown adults I've had object to this? Zero. Not one. Ever.
  
  We all know it's true
- This was always a good example of what it's like growing up.
- For me it was when my dad was sick dying and after he died.
- For me it was when I spent a thousand € on a home server and nobody stopped me!
  
  If I was a kid my parents wouldn't allow such a useless purchase just for my fun. (even with my own money)
The world keeps spinning either way

I know exactly what I am doing. And I know I am doing it wrong.

I don't know if that is better or worse

Im old adjacent to old and this never changes. The people who are certain about everything are the ones to be careful of

Because theyre either lying about, or blissfully unaware of their own shortcoming.

Or they work in sales.
- The "con" in Con Artist is short for confidence. I think a lot of con artists become their mask over time as a coping mechanism.

calvinandhobbes-13tj0zq

Imposter syndrome is a real thing

Nah, I'm not even good enough for an imposter syndrome
- Yeah, the other people who are pretending better than you are the real imposters.
Feeling like I tricked someone to get where I am and shouldn't be here is my bread and butter haha

that's called impostor syndrome if i recall correctly (which i probably don't..!)

Or just the reality that no one knows what they are doing, but only some people will admit it.

As I've grown up and learned more about the world, I've learned that it's not so much that no one knows what they're doing, but more that most people don't have clarity about why we do what we do. We're disconnected from our work and we don't receive it's benefits personally. Instead we exchange it for currency, so we don't know if we've "hit the mark" or not. Is my work accomplishing it's intended purpose? Who the hell knows. I just try to do this thing and keep my boss/teacher happy. We live in a hyper real world where the appearance of accomplishment is a standin for the real thing, so it's like we're throwing darts blindfolded at a target. And don't get me wrong, we might be doing everything correctly and benefiting the world, but at the end of the day what we see is not it's benefits, but it's supposed equivalent currency. We're all going through the motions and just hoping it's "right", and that can feel indistinguishable from "I don't know what I'm doing"

You may already know this, but if you don't:

You perfectly described Marxist alienation and commodity fetishism.

Alienation:

Karl Marx's theory of alienation describes the experience of human life as meaningless or the human self as worthless in modern capitalist society. It is Marx’s earliest recognizable attempt at a systematic explanatory theory of capitalism.

The theoretical basis of alienation is that a worker invariably loses the ability to determine life and destiny when deprived of the right to think (conceive) of themselves as the director of their own actions; to determine the character of said actions; to define relationships with other people; and to own those items of value from goods and services, produced by their own labour.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marx's_theory_of_alienation?wprov=sfla1

Commodity fetishism:

The theory of commodity fetishism (German: Warenfetischismus) originated from Karl Marx's references to fetishes and fetishism in his analyses of religious superstition, and in the criticism of the beliefs of political economists. Marx borrowed the concept of "fetishism" from The Cult of Fetish Gods (1760) by Charles de Brosses, which proposed a materialist theory of the origin of religion. Moreover, in the 1840s, the philosophic discussion of fetishism by Auguste Comte, and Ludwig Feuerbach's psychological interpretation of religion also influenced Marx's development of commodity fetishism.

Marx's first mention of fetishism appeared in 1842, in his response to a newspaper article by Karl Heinrich Hermes, which defended Germany on religious grounds. Hermes agreed with the German philosopher Hegel in regarding fetishism as the crudest form of religion. Marx dismissed that argument and Hermes's definition of religion as that which elevates man "above sensuous appetites". Instead, Marx said that fetishism is "the religion of sensuous appetites", and that the fantasy of the appetites tricks the fetish worshipper into believing that an inanimate object will yield its natural character to gratify the desires of the worshipper. Therefore, the crude appetite of the fetish worshipper smashes the fetish when it ceases to be of service.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodity_fetishism?wprov=sfla1
Wasn’t following you at first but then I kept reading. You’ve described imposter syndrome pretty well.

I met my old boss after he retired. He still had no idea what was going on.

I know exactly what I'm doing. But idk how to get to doing what I want to do. :(

Ah... See your problem there was not choosing to be born into a rich family.
- Silly me

Look at you bragging with your diploma

Look at you bragging about your lack of life long debt.
- Are you in debt for your high school diploma?
Right? This comic seems more like they knew exactly what to do.

I have no idea what I'm doing: never got a degree because I don't know what I want to do that I care to do and that pays above poverty level wages, never got a good job because of the degree. Stuck waking up miserable every day, but with no direction to follow as any move I would need to make is too expensive as it requires a new job in a new location.

I have no idea what I'm still doing here.
- Then you’re pretty lucky in that regard.. I feel like a problem we have in this (and I’m sure others) country is that we go to school, and we’re told to Be something when we grow up. We don’t know what but we have interests and hobbies. So in high school you work with a guidance councilor that says “well with what you like you could do X, Y, or Z”. So you pick one because society tells you that you have to, and it’s the one that sounds the best, but you’re still not sold on it at all. So you go to college because everyone says that’s just what you do after high school. And you stick with that choice only because you don’t know what else to do/pick instead. You just go through the motions like you did your first 12+ yrs at school and before you know it you graduate with a degree in a thing you’re still not sold on and you now have to start paying bills and a career is again, just what people do after college, so you find one. Now you work everyday doing a thing you’re still not sold on, but what other ideas do you have? So you just keep doing the thing, just because.
  
  And then you wonder why you’re exhausted and depressed and in debt… but you’re stuck.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I don't even know why I'm alive.

There are so many things I want to do. But I can't because I need to 'survive'.

You're alive because your parents fucked.
- LoL... that's fair point 🌚

Took me a while to figure out that nobody really knows what they're doing

Image Transcription:

A four-panel comic by Chibird titled "my life so far".

The first panel shows a character with shoulder-length brown hair and a pink shirt sitting in front of a piece of paper labelled "TEST". Above the character is the text "I have no idea what I'm doing."

The second panel shows the same character wearing a yellow shirt and white shorts, holding a cup and surrounded by four other characters, one with short red-brown hair wearing a blue shirt and shorts also holding a cup, and another with dark red-brown hair and a pink shirt are in the foreground and appear to be talking, while two less-detailed characters in blue and pink are in the background. Above the yellow-shirted character is the text "I have no idea what I'm doing."

The third panel shows the character from the first two panels wearing a graduation gown and cap and holding a diploma. Above the character is the text "I have no idea what I'm doing."

The fourth panel shows the character in a blue shirt, sweating profusely as they sit at a laptop labelled "A REAL JOB". Above the character is the text "I have no idea what I'm doing."

[I am a human, if I’ve made a mistake please let me know. Please consider providing alt-text for ease of use. Thank you. 💜]

This was me failing out of my first programming job. College was crappy (forced to go to christian college) and I got effectively a 'script kiddy's degree instead of a real software engineering degree. Tried to fake it till I make it with my first real job, got fired ended up in a significantly less technical IT job instead.

Oof, that's rough. Nobody knows how to program without doing it though. Even senior people forget systems they haven't worked with in a while. You could always do some side projects, or freelancing, and then return to coding when you're up to speed. Finding another job should be trivial with a CS degree and a portfolio of projects.

Yes.

Fake it till you make it.

I really hate that saying. For me it implies that lying will get you anywhere. I guess that's why a lot of people end up somewhere they don't 'belong' doing things they're not really able to do. What's the point of that?
- I think it’s more about faking confidence to yourself so that your mind is clear of social anxiety