While the paper is well-written overall, contributions on adaptation of alien technology as well as comparison with state-of-the-art are not made clear.
Authors should consider using TikZ to create the diagrams. My Kindle e-reader had difficulty scaling and displaying the diagrams.
The paper's tone could benefit from more technicality.
The terms "alien", "ET", "technology", and "stuff" have been used ambiguously throughout the paper. The authors should consider including a table of nomenclature.
The experimental results don't appear to provide sufficient statistical significance on how much the mankind's genitalia could be pleased using the alien apparatus. The results would be more conclusive if the application of the apparatus on extraterrestrial genitalia is studied too. This has the additional benefit of avoiding to fall for spurious relationships.
Well you need the screwdriver (with the smorx 5omble bit) to open the maintenance panel and access the button you hold while booting to get the unlocked bootloader, so you can install Linux and then subsequently doom.
You joke, but the ES121 screwdriver has an open source firmware. I think it's running an STM32F10x (based on the file listings in the firmware). People have gotten Doom to run on an STM32F429, so it's not that far fetched.
"I deployed an edge compute environment on this thing, so it can run out SSR backend-for-frontend, but we now have a left-pad issue in our supply chain"
I don't get the joke. Wouldn't you need to study the architecture of the alien CPU to see what registers it uses if any and where data goes, and what format the data is expressed in (is it even binary?) so you can write an assembly language for it? Then you would need to write a compiler and then you could get a higher level language going and port Doom. Are we assuming that the alien computer just runs our code?
In fact, for many years now, people have been trying to make Doom run on the most ridiculous things possible (printers, refrigerators, pregnancy tests . . .) just for the heck of it. There are worse hobbies.