Unusual things to shout out while passing the toilet

That's exactly what my son says, in my head I think

What?

I was a college sophomore, and was walking in the quad and someone was sitting in the seat next to me. I’ve always had a strong urge to shit all over the seat, so I’ve always done it in a locker room stall. Today, a friend of mine came over to do this. We started talking, and one thing led to another, and the guy in front of me started talking about how hard his cock was in his pants. I’ve never heard anyone talk so openly about it before. It got me really curious and kind of wet. I had my phone with me, so I asked if he was joking. He was. I asked him what he was talking about. He said “I just shit all over the seat.” I didn’t hear the rest of that because the guy in front of me was already dead silent. I kept talking to him. He said he’s been thinking about it since yesterday and he’s finally gonna cum. I asked if he was joking, and he said “absolutely!”. I asked if he’d been thinking about it since he’s been dead silent, and he said “absolutely!”. I asked him what he was talking about, and he told me he’s been thinking about it since forever. I asked him if he was joking and he said “absolutely!”. I kept talking to him. Eventually, he said he’s about to cum. He started moaning so loud, but it was too late to stop. His body jerked forward and he squirted all over the seat. I just keep looking at him like “damn, you did it.” He said “I told you not to worry about it.” I said “no, no, no. I told you not to worry about it. I’m not joking. It was the real thing, and I said it to him. He didn’t even look down.” He said “I’m so embarrassed! It was nothing. I just wanted to feel like I was special!” And I told him that I love him, and he said “you are.” and that he’s special. And I told him that he is the best man, and I told him that he is the best man to have a crush on me, and that he is the best man to play with my tits, and that I love him. He said “damn, I love you.”, and I said “damn, fuck me.” and left. He said “you’re my good girl, sweetie, and that I love you.” and we kissed. We’re going to class tomorrow.

“Uhm, excuse me, sir, I want to get off so much I’ll take out my pants, piss, and shit on the seat.”

You're a newbie, so excuse me for a minute.