[WP] You went into work today only to find something completely unexpected there

Jim woke up and brushed his teeth, like every day. He put his clothes on and combed his thinning hair, like he did every day. He got into his car and drove the half hour traffic route to work, like he did every day. He took the elevator to the 7th floor, like he did every day. He got his coffee from the thing that rhymes with mewrig, like he did every day. He went to sit down, like he does day in and day out, every single day for the past 20 years, except today he didn't, because there was someone in his seat already. Or rather, more like something. Or not.

His autopilot crashed and submitted an error report to the IT department in his brain, for them to take a look. Apparently, it seems that a seal was sitting in his chair, staring at the computer.

He blinked. IT power cycled the brain. He blinked again. Another power cycle. The seal was still there. It turned towards him and said good morning, staring at him all confused like, wondering why he was just standing there and staring.

Jim opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened his mouth and before he could say anything, Stacy walked over with a folder of spreadsheets detailing both last quarter's and the quarter before's reports, said she wanted an analysis of the two detailing any discrepancies. Jim already began writing the document in his head, like he did every day. He would start with checking both reports, like he did every day. He would call Steve in accounting, like he did every day. And then the seal took it. Stacy thanked it, and then gave Jim a weird look for nothing more than a split moment before smiling and saying good morning. Jim was used to those switchblade smiles. This was corporate world. He had one himself, and he used it every day. Not today.

The seal got to work. Minutes passed. Then the seal looked over, asked if everything was ok and if he got the email from Juniper yesterday near close.

"What email?" Jim asked. And that was the truth. He was practically glued to his email. He checked it yesterday twenty minutes before close, like he did every day. He checked it and answered anything urgent and put anything else on the back burner, like he did everyday. A cubicle transfer would've been caught by him. Hell, any email from HR's very own Juniper would have been caught by him, like every single day. Nothing's changed for the last 20 years.

"Oh, that makes sense!" the seal exclaimed with a chuckle. "Sorry, must've been last minute she sent it I guess. Was wondering why you're staring. Yeah, no, um there was a transfer from the offices in Detroit, so I got moved up here. The email should detail your new cubicle."

Jim looked at the computer. The thing that rhymed with Outbook was open. That's where he would get emails, like every day. Except today.

"My emails are on the computer," he said bleakly.

The seal hissed in some air. "Uhhh oof, you don't have the app for it?"

"No."

The seal sucked its teeth. Seals can't do that, but this one did, contorting its lips around its tusks to accomplish such a thing. "Ok, um no problem. Actually, it is a bit problematic but that's fine, I can help you out. Let me just log out and you can log in here. I guess."

The seal slapped the keyboard with his flippers. Then the mouse. It made slopping noises.

"What's your name?" Jim asked, from out of the blue."

"Sealio. But don't call me Mr. Sealio, that's my father," he giggled.

Jim laughed.

"Alright, all ready for you."

Still giggling, Jim laid his fingers on the keyboard, like he did everyday. He logged in to his Oatlook, like he did everyday. He accepted the two factor authentication to his phone, like he did every day. And he giggled. Like he did everyday, except he didn't giggle every day. And then he laughed, like every day, he laughed, it bubbling out from his gut like a geyser corked up for too long, like a soda shaken not stirred, like a seal jumping out of water.

The account was deleted, said the screen.

"Huh, that's weird," Sealio said. Sealio. One letter off from Sealion, but he's a seal. Jim laughed. "Hah, I guess it is kinda funny. IT must have messed up and deleted the account? I don't know, you'll have to talk with them. Guess this turned into quite the day for you huh?"

Sealio laughed. Jim laughed.

There was a seal in his chair, doing his job, working on his computer.

A seal, in an office building in the city, miles away from any zoo, seal habitat, or even large body of water.

Jim laughed, clutching his gut as people started staring. Sealio laughed too, awkwardly at first, glancing side to side seeing the people watching, and then stopping after a bit, while Jim just kept laughing. He guffawed, unlike every day. Supported himself on the desk and chortled, unlike every day. Fell to his back and hee-hawed while kicking his feet, unlike every day. Unlike every day, or rather, never once in his 42 years of life. Never before had he found something so disastrously funny: not in high school, not in college, not in his internship and not in his career.

A crowd gathered around him, people wondering what was so funny. Sealio glanced around nervously, watching the people watching, shrinking back and trying to disassociate himself from this as much as possible, which was impossible because Jim was on his back cackling and pointing at him.

"There's a seal!" he managed between bursting fits of giggles and gasps for air. "There's a talking seal!"

No one replied. Not obviously. Someone whispered to ask if that isn't a racist comment. Jim laughed even harder. He was still dreaming. What a funny dream! Imagine, a talking seal sitting at an office, working on quarterly reports. What fun! Whoever set this up must have put a ton of effort into the prank. Who could it have been, he wonders, who would even dream up such a thing? Obviously not Jim. He hadn't had a dream he remembered in 20 years. Of course this was a dream, how else could it be real? Only Kevin from engineering would make such a lifelike doll and stuff a speaker in it to mess with him.

Someone called security. They picked Jim up off the floor, but he did not stand. They simply dragged him away, one arm per guard, still bursting with glee. It didn't matter to him, because it was a dream. An intricate prank. A hallucination. It didn't matter to him if he was dragged off premises, nor did he worry about being fired. Procedure has been the same, like every day, for 20 years. After all, IT only deletes oatlook accounts after an employee is fired. It must be a dream! He blabbered about the seal between laughs as they dragged him into the elevators, like every day.

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Jim woke up and brushed his teeth, like every day. He put his clothes on and combed his thinning hair, like he did every day. He got into his car and drove the half hour traffic route to work, like he did every day. He took the elevator to the 7th floor, like he did every day. He got his coffee from the thing that rhymes with mewrig, like he did every day. He went to sit down, like he does day in and day out, every single day for the past 20 years, except today he didn't, because there was someone in his seat already. Or rather, more like something. Or not.
His autopilot crashed and submitted an error report to the IT department in his brain, for them to take a look. Apparently, it seems that a seal was sitting in his chair, staring at the computer.
He blinked. IT power cycled the brain. He blinked again. Another power cycle. The seal was still there. It turned towards him and said good morning, staring at him all confused like, wondering why he was just standing there and staring.
Jim opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened his mouth and before he could say anything, Stacy walked over with a folder of spreadsheets detailing both last quarter's and the quarter before's reports, said she wanted an analysis of the two detailing any discrepancies. Jim already began writing the document in his head, like he did every day. He would start with checking both reports, like he did every day. He would call Steve in accounting, like he did every day. And then the seal took it. Stacy thanked it, and then gave Jim a weird look for nothing more than a split moment before smiling and saying good morning. Jim was used to those switchblade smiles. This was corporate world. He had one himself, and he used it every day. Not today.
The seal got to work. Minutes passed. Then the seal looked over, asked if everything was ok and if he got the email from Juniper yesterday near close.
"What email?" Jim asked. And that was the truth. He was practically glued to his email. He checked it yesterday twenty minutes before close, like he did every day. He checked it and answered anything urgent and put anything else on the back burner, like he did everyday. A cubicle transfer would've been caught by him. Hell, any email from HR's very own Juniper would have been caught by him, like every single day. Nothing's changed for the last 20 years.
"Oh, that makes sense!" the seal exclaimed with a chuckle. "Sorry, must've been last minute she sent it I guess. Was wondering why you're staring. Yeah, no, um there was a transfer from the offices in Detroit, so I got moved up here. The email should detail your new cubicle."
Jim looked at the computer. The thing that rhymed with Outbook was open. That's where he would get emails, like every day. Except today.
"My emails are on the computer," he said bleakly.
The seal hissed in some air. "Uhhh oof, you don't have the app for it?"
"No."
The seal sucked its teeth. Seals can't do that, but this one did, contorting its lips around its tusks to accomplish such a thing. "Ok, um no problem. Actually, it is a bit problematic but that's fine, I can help you out. Let me just log out and you can log in here. I guess."
The seal slapped the keyboard with his flippers. Then the mouse. It made slopping noises.
"What's your name?" Jim asked, from out of the blue."
"Sealio. But don't call me Mr. Sealio, that's my father," he giggled.
Jim laughed.
"Alright, all ready for you."
Still giggling, Jim laid his fingers on the keyboard, like he did everyday. He logged in to his Oatlook, like he did everyday. He accepted the two factor authentication to his phone, like he did every day. And he giggled. Like he did everyday, except he didn't giggle every day. And then he laughed, like every day, he laughed, it bubbling out from his gut like a geyser corked up for too long, like a soda shaken not stirred, like a seal jumping out of water.
The account was deleted, said the screen.
"Huh, that's weird," Sealio said. Sealio. One letter off from Sealion, but he's a seal. Jim laughed. "Hah, I guess it is kinda funny. IT must have messed up and deleted the account? I don't know, you'll have to talk with them. Guess this turned into quite the day for you huh?"
Sealio laughed. Jim laughed.
There was a seal in his chair, doing his job, working on his computer.
A seal, in an office building in the city, miles away from any zoo, seal habitat, or even large body of water.
Jim laughed, clutching his gut as people started staring. Sealio laughed too, awkwardly at first, glancing side to side seeing the people watching, and then stopping after a bit, while Jim just kept laughing. He guffawed, unlike every day. Supported himself on the desk and chortled, unlike every day. Fell to his back and hee-hawed while kicking his feet, unlike every day. Unlike every day, or rather, never once in his 42 years of life. Never before had he found something so disastrously funny: not in high school, not in college, not in his internship and not in his career.
A crowd gathered around him, people wondering what was so funny. Sealio glanced around nervously, watching the people watching, shrinking back and trying to disassociate himself from this as much as possible, which was impossible because Jim was on his back cackling and pointing at him.
"There's a seal!" he managed between bursting fits of giggles and gasps for air. "There's a talking seal!"
No one replied. Not obviously. Someone whispered to ask if that isn't a racist comment. Jim laughed even harder. He was still dreaming. What a funny dream! Imagine, a talking seal sitting at an office, working on quarterly reports. What fun! Whoever set this up must have put a ton of effort into the prank. Who could it have been, he wonders, who would even dream up such a thing? Obviously not Jim. He hadn't had a dream he remembered in 20 years. Of course this was a dream, how else could it be real? Only Kevin from engineering would make such a lifelike doll and stuff a speaker in it to mess with him.
Someone called security. They picked Jim up off the floor, but he did not stand. They simply dragged him away, one arm per guard, still bursting with glee. It didn't matter to him, because it was a dream. An intricate prank. A hallucination. It didn't matter to him if he was dragged off premises, nor did he worry about being fired. Procedure has been the same, like every day, for 20 years. After all, IT only deletes oatlook accounts after an employee is fired. It must be a dream! He blabbered about the seal between laughs as they dragged him into the elevators, like every day.
- Poor Jim, had his job stolen by a seal 😞