I feel that. My hair started to fall out when I was barely 20. Luckily it was slow enough that it didn't start to be noticeable until my late 20s. It was making me incredibly anxious and depressed.
I finally started taking finasteride about a year ago and my hair has now finally stopped shedding. I also see peach fuzz starting to grow around my hairline again and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
I would strongly recommend talking to a doctor about it if it's causing you that much pain. They can easily give you a prescription for it.
I saw some ideas recently in a similar post: could try improving your skin care routine, wearing sunscreen, putting on body lotion after shower, paint nails, get ears pierced, etc. I'll try to find this other post I'm thinking of
Tight jeans and hoodies were my go-to early on. I hope you can reach a point where you dont have to hide from family or anyone.
Karamo from Queer Eye says you let people in instead of coming out because youre the one with the power to understand yourself more than anyone else and your feelings are final. No one has the power to accept or deny you except those you decide to let in. You set those boundaries and be yourself and be comfortable too. Anyone else can get the hell over it.
Letting people in instead of coming out. I like that. That's a much better way of wording it and keeping the power with us. I love it, thanks for sharing
One thing I've done is wear women's clothing that can pass as a guy's. Like I have a green plaid blouse that I used to wear to work before the pandemic made us go remote. Or women's jeans, though those are a bit harder to be sneaky about.
Another good option are cute, colorful socks.
I just remembered another subtle thing I've done in the past: wear light mascara. If it's light enough it will feminize your eyes but most people won't realize that you have it on.
Maybe things that other people can't see like wearing a sports bra and women's underwear beneath your clothes? That's what helped me at first. Also shaving body hair in places that won't be visible if that troubles you too